Wallowing

Well yesterday was a long, busy day at work. I didn't really feel like working but I'm glad I came in. I felt bad for calling in on Tuesday because two other people were also out, so they were really slammed. We have one woman out on vacation for the rest of the week and then another guy came down with the flu suddenly. My coworkers were really happy to see me because we had a lot of e-mails. But we got through it.

When the day was over, I just wanted to go home and wallow a little. I decided against eating junk food. Do I really want to get fat? Actually, I think Saturday is going to be my official "wallow" day. I'll eat junk food, wallow, maybe get drunk. I wish I had someone to get drunk with. . . oh well. By the way, if I spend the next couple of blogs obsessing about Robert, please forgive me. I just need a little time, okay? I promise I'll be better soon. By the way, thanks to my friends for their lovely comments in my blog. Laura and Luke are great. And Luke wrote something especially nice in his blog about how he thinks I am a strong woman. I know he's right and I'm sure I will move on from this in no time. I really can't wait for our vacation in L.A. I think a change in scenery will be nice. 6 whole days in another state. . . I am so psyched! By the way, Luke. . . I wrote you a comment in your blog, but for some reason it still says you have 0 comments from yesterday. You can't see it until you click on the Comments button. Weird. But it's there, so click on it.

When I got home, I actually worked on trying to download my pictures and lo and behold I managed to do it! I had to restore my computer to an earlier date because some stupid program had been installed on my computer that was interfering with the application. But yay. . . I have my pictures!! And all that work and downloading actually took my mind off of Robert for about ten minutes. It was nice. So that was a nice part of my day. Also, I received my very first AIDS Walk donation from Luke. Woo-hoo! Thanks again Luke!!

I also updated my profile on match.com. But then I'm thinking. . . do I want to date again so soon? Hmmm. . . . not really. I just did it to have something to do, I think. I'm just trying to fool myself into thinking that I'm moving on. It's not really working. I'm alternating between depression and apathy. It's an interesting combination. I just have to get through the rest of this week and then I can have a couple of days to wallow in self-pity. After that, I should be good.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Okay, so yesterday instead of getting my car fixed I decided to do what any depressed female does: I went shopping. I went to the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual clearance sale, bought some stuff, spent money that I probably shouldn't have, and tried (unsuccessfully) to get my mind off of Robert. After all of that shopping, I decided I needed a shake and something to eat from Johnny Rocket's (since it was right there in the mall). Even though the shake was very fattening and bad, I did get something healthy and ordered a Grilled Chicken Sandwich with no mayonnaise. So it was in the middle of ordering that my boyfriend calls me. Perfect timing. And by perfect. . . I mean, not. Did I really want to have a serious conversation with him here? Hardly.

Well we made a lot of small talk and idle chit-chat about nothing at all (it's what we do best it seems) and eventually I was going to get around to telling him that I had something to talk to him about, but I wanted to do it later. . . after my class. Then he starts talking about all his stress and what he's going through and how he's thinking of going back to Europe. Then, he asks me how I'm doing. At first, I say I'm just fine. I don't know why. It's a lie really. He says that he does have a lot of important stuff to take care of, but it must be hard for me to always get the short end of the stick where he's concerned. Well duh. But apparently he hasn't been oblivious to that. I had to walk out of Johnny Rocket's because the music was making it hard to hear him, but basically he said he has all this stuff going on and the timing is all wrong. I did tell him I had been thinking the same thing for a while and that I was tired of being a low priority for him. Basically, we both agreed to just go our separate ways and that was that. So I guess it's over. He said we could still be friends if I wanted to and I said okay. I'm not sure if that's just something he's saying or what. Right now, I think I need a little time to get over him. My feelings for him were obviously a lot stronger than his were for me. I was feeling very numb after the conversation. I don't think the tears actually started for at least an hour.

I called Seth and he said that at least now I get to concentrate on finding someone who will make me happy. And he's right. And Robert taught me what I don't want in a guy. I want someone who won't blow me off, someone who won't keep me waiting by the phone, and someone will make a priority in their life. Is that so much to ask? Seth said at least I'm his again. Ha. He's so funny. I'm just depressed right now. This hurts a lot. I was really starting to fall for him. Even though I saw this coming, I still wasn't prepared. I sent Cindy a text message telling her what happened and asking her if she would call me, but she did not even respond. I'm really starting to get pissed off with her. I don't know what her deal is. Some friend. Oh well. At least my real friends are there when I need them.

After that nice little breakup, I got to go take my final exam. I have no idea how I did. I'm pretty sure I bombed it. My mind was a blank. I was just so drained and exhausted. I couldn't think. I don't know. I don't think I did worse than a B. I hope. I don't want to think about it right now. After class, most of the class went out for Mexican to celebrate the end of the class. The food was pretty good and we hung out for several hours. We had a blast and we started talking about interesting stuff. . . . well, sex mostly. Okay, that did not help get my mind off Robert. But it was still fun and it actually did make me feel a little better because they're all a great bunch of people. I didn't get home until late and so now I'm exhausted. My legs are so sore from working out on Monday that I can barely walk. I need alcohol. . . or chocolate. . . or sex. . . or all three. Whatever can ease this depression just a little bit. Usually, I use exercise as well but my legs are way too sore right now. So I think I will go home tonight, buy a chocolate cake, maybe some vodka and have a little party. Sounds fun, right?

Productivity is great

Yesterday was quite a productive day for me. I actually got about ten hours of sleep, so I must have been exhausted. Since I was so rested, I was ready to do what needed to be done. I managed to finish my family tree which was a daunting task. My family has a lot of marriages and remarriages and stepchildren and blah, blah, blah. Then I got to show all the hate and negative emotional relationships that are in my family. That was fun. Turns out, it's all on my mom's side of the family. Ha.

After that, I spent a good portion of the day cleaning. It's not that my place was particularly messy. . . . I was just procrastinating from studying from my final. Hehe. But at least I did get a lot of "spring cleaning" done, even though it was a little late. Then I actually did a little work out. Actually. . . it wasn't that long of a work out, but it was exhausting. I did my Pilates aerobic workout video, which I hadn't done in a while because I've been going to the gym for all my work outs. It was 40 minutes and quite invorigating. . . or torture. Whatever you want to call it. It made me feel really good though to work up a good sweat.

For the rest of the day, I watched some mindless TV and I did get some studying done for my final. I'm not really that worried about it. Most of it's going to be common sense, I think. It'll be fine, I'm sure. And I have an A in the class so far. Anyway, of course Robert did not call me. Big surprise. Actually, I guess it kind of was. I refused to call him. I'm done reminding him that I exist. I was very depressed and went to bed around 10:30.

Last night was the most restless night's sleep ever. I woke up around 2:30 and basically tossed and turned until 5:00. I think I may have dozed off for about half an hour, but the sleep wasn't very deep. I was going to go to work, but the shakiness in the tire kind of scared me. I know Seth said that it might smooth itself out, but since I have so many miles to drive I don't want to take the chance that something might happen. So I decided to call in to work and take my car to a tire place later and let them check on it. I did go back to bed and managed to get a few hours of sleep. I think I'm going to call Robert soon and see what his excuse is for not calling me. I really have to have a serious discussion with him.

Gay Pride Parade and a near-fatal miss with my car

Yesterday after a solid 8 hours of sleep I was ready to face the day. It really was nice to get a good night's sleep for once. Seth and I showered and got ready for the parade. We were both disappointed to see that it was rainy outside. Dammit, for the second year in a row. But oh well. We bought an umbrella at Wal-Mart (I didn't have one) and then headed off to Atlanta. Luckily we got there earily enough so that we actually found a parking spot very close to the park. . . and it was free. Woo-hoo! No paying $8 for parking like last year. Before the parade, we headed to the park where there were all these booths and stuff set up. They were giving away brochures for everything. It was nice seeing all the gay friendly companies. We also got a brochure to register for the AIDS Walk, which I think we plan to do again. . . .but then I saw the date. October 16th. Doh. The day after Laura's wedding. If I do decide to do it, I will either have to leave late the night of her wedding or early the next morning. Seth told me I should get Laura to reschedule the wedding. Hmmm. . . what are the chances of that?? Anyway, after walking the park for a while we walked to Subway to buy some lunch. I wasn't going to touch the stuff they were selling in the park. It was all jumbo corn dogs, fries, mongolian barbecue, quesadillas, etc. So we got a healthy sub and went to find a good spot to watch the parade.

We found a pretty decent spot to watch the parade and while we were waiting for it to come through our part of town, we met a couple of funny gay guys, Tommy and Eric.

Tommy: "Wouldn't it be funny if all the gay guys were on one side of the street and all the lesbians were on the other? It'll be like gym class."

Me: "Where do all the straight people go?"

Tommy: "They have to be in the parade. They have to walk in the middle of the street so we can point and laugh at them."

Isn't he great? They were from Mrytle Beach. As he said, all 12 gay people from Myrtle Beach came to Georgia for Gay Pride. How lovely. Finally, the parade started and it was great. Of course, I'm not sure if the floats were as good as last year. But there were some very good ones. Gay Pride really is the best time of the year in Atlanta. After a couple of hours, the parade ended and Seth and I headed home.

On the way home, I was nodding off when I got a very rude awakening. Seth was driving and we were moving into the right lane. We were already halfway into the lane when apparently this idiot on the right decides he wants to be in the same lane as us. Seth had to slam on the brakes really, really hard so that we wouldn't hit him. I mean, we came thisclose to getting into another accident. And this would not have been our fault. Then a few miles down the road we realized something was wrong with my car. Perfect. Seth doesn't think that there's something wrong with the brakes or something just from us slamming on the brakes. He says it feels like something happened to the tire and that it messed up the tread on the tire. He says it'll smooth itself out and if it doesn't I'll need a new tire. My poor, poor car. At last that's cheaper and easier to fix than if something happened to it internally.

When we got home, Seth did look at the tire and he kind of saw where the tread on it was messed up a little. Then he left and I was faced with the daunting task of starting my family tree. I got a lot of work done on it, though I did have to call my mom with some names and dates (which I did not enjoy). I did find out thet her mother was married 6 times (twice to the same man). Oy.

But I got 90% of that done and then Robert called me. He said that his friend was still staying with him, but that he was trying to find someone else for him to stay with. He also told me that he was thinking of going back to Europe for his back surgery because they have better doctors there. It's not set or anything yet, but I know if he does go to Europe, it's probably going to be over with us. It's not like Robert's going to make an effort to keep in touch with me while he's over there. I don't even know how long he would be over there if he went. Who knows. . . Robert and I might end up breaking up before he goes over there. Since he doesn't have that video project anymore and his friend isn't going to be staying with him anymore, I'll see if he has more time for me now. If he still acts the same this week, I might just have to bite the bullet and do what must be done. I'm tired of only seeing him once every two weeks. After my conversation with him, I was drained and exhausted. Even though it was only 11, I decided to hit the sack.

So today I woke up around 9, so I got a solid 10 hours of sleep. I feel very rested. Now I get to finish my family tree and study for my final that I have tomorrow, which will be no big deal. Robert said he would call me tonight and I guess maybe we'll get together. I don't know. . . . we'll see, I guess. I'm just going to do my thing and not worry about it.

Saturday has finally arrived!

So yesterday work was madness. Was there a full moon that I didn't know about? I get a call from some idiot who's pissed because one of the agents who responded to his complaint via e-mail didn't give her last name. Umm. . . duh. What customer service line allows their agents to give their last names?? He was mad and I thought it was going to turn into a supervisor call. I hate those. Luckily, it wasn't. He was still mad when we got off the phone, but I managed to stop him from speaking to a supervisor. Goody for me. My damn throat has been bothering me all week. I've been hoarse and it's been a little sore. I hope it doesn't get any worse. I don't know if it's from traipsing around the park with Luke in the rain or from working in an office that is continually kept at 20 degrees. It's a toss-up. Poor Dwight, he's been battling a cough for about a month because his desk was right underneath our air vent. They actually had to move his desk before he caught pneumonia. I'm sure mine will clear up soon though.

After work I spoke to Luke briefly. He sounds like he's having a great time in D.C. I'm so jealous. I wish I were in D.C. I hope I get to visit Laura soon. That would be great. I headed to the gym for my workout. It wasn't as busy, which was good. I got in a really good leg and thigh workout. I hadn't worked them in a while. Then I went to Target to get a few things and then on to PF Changs to meet the gang from work for dinner. It was really a lot of fun. I had never eaten there before. The food was only okay. I had a great time hanging out with everyone from work though. There were about 15 of us and we had a blast. I didn't get out of there until after 10 so I didn't get home until after 11. So much for getting a good night's rest tonight. Oh well.

Today work was slow at first, but then we got pretty steady. But even with the steady flow of phone calls and e-mails, I managed to get a lot of work done on this big work project that I've been working on for a while. I might actually finish it on Tuesday when I go back. Woo-hoo! On my lunch break, I started a rough draft on my family tree for my class. It's going to be a little complicated, I think. There are so many marriages and remarriages and children. And then I have to draw the emotional relationships between people. That ought to be fun. There's a lot of hate in my family. Of course there is. . . it's the South. Finally the day was over and I came home to deal with my computer. I still can't get my pictures to download. I tried restoring my computer and that's not working. I don't know what's going on. It's pissing me off though.

But Seth came over tonight. Yay. . . the only bright spot in my long, exhausting week!! It's so nice to spend time with him. We went to Sonic and got some food to go. I actually managed to refrain from getting a cheeseburger. I got a Grilled Chicken Sandwich instead and just splurged a little and got some Fries. How good am I? We then came back home and began watching Aviator. It's a long movie, but so far it seems really good. Howard Hughes seems like such an interesting character and Leonardo DiCaprio is HOT! I decided to stop it halfway through (it's a 3 hour movie) because I was tired and we have to get up early tomorrow for Gay Pride. But we did see 4 deer in my dad's yard feeding on the deer corn. They were sooo cute!! Now I have to shower and get ready for bed because we have a big day tomorrow. Gay Pride Rules!

Not enough hours in the day

Just because it's 90 degrees outside, does it really have to be 20 degrees inside this tiny little office? Yes, yes it does. Every damn day. You would think I would be able to put my jacket into hibernation for the winter, but nope. It comes with me to work every day where I am shivering in my little cubicle all the day long. I fell asleep this morning in the middle of sending Luke an e-mail. Do you think that's a sign that I'm a little tired? I should really start trying to get to bed earlier. It's a wasted effort though because I always have way too much to do.

Last night was fun. Class only lasted an hour (as opposed to 3). He told us what was going to be on the final (which isn't much) and I found out I got a 97 on my video interview. Woo-hoo! Since we got out early, I was able to go get my migraine medications refilled. That was a nice $50 well spent. Anything to keep my roller coaster disease away, right? Then I went home and spent an hour trying to download my pictures off of my digital camera. That's right. . . an hour. First, it took my computer about a million tries to recognize my USB cord that was plugged in. Then it kept freezing up before it could download. I swear, I hate my computer. I think I may have to uninstall the software and reinstall it or something. I just want my Rochester pictures and my pictures of me from my birthday off of there already. Luke said that I looked like the chick from The Alias. Yeah, she's hot. Maybe there's a virus on my computer or something. I finally gave up trying to do it. I did install a program on my computer to create my genogram for my class. That ought to be fun. I'll do that sometime this weekend in between Gay Pride and spending time with Seth. Oy, so much to do. . . so little time.

Tonight leaves no room to study or work either. A bunch of us from work are going out to dinner at PF Chang's, this Chinese restaurant after everyone gets off. I probably won't get home till late since we're not even meeting until 8. But I did research their nutritional information to try to find something as low in fat as I could get. I seriously have to stop eating so much crap. And with Seth coming over this weekend, I'm going to be getting my fill of junk food with him. Hopefully I'll get to see Robert soon. He called on Wednesday and said that a friend was staying with him until Sunday because he got kicked out of his place so he was going to be tied up. He wants me to call him soon so that we can try to figure something out about getting together. Oh well. I'm even busier than he is, so I really don't mind. I wonder if he's thinking about me at all. . . . I'm so silly. This is going to be a very long day.

So very, very tired

The past few days have been very hectic. Yesterday was just filled with work. I had a lot of e-mails to catch up on from being out of the office for five days. I really despise getting up at 5:15. One of the e-mails did include my application for teleworking though so it looks like that might become a reality. Yay. I am so beyond excited. I also registered for a teleworking training class. It lasts all day and is scheduled for the day that I am scheduled to leave for L.A. in July. Something tells me that might be a very busy day. But I think that means I might be able to start working from home pretty soon after getting back from my vacation. Yay again. Work actually went by pretty fast and then I got to head off to class in the rain. Seriously, won't this rain ever quit?? It's supposed to be the first day of summer for crying out loud.

Class went by pretty quickly as well. We finished up watching everyone else's video interviews and our professor said that we all did really well. But what else was he going to say? I know he means that I was the best. :) Actually, all the ones I saw were really good. I realized that our final is next Tuesday and I have no idea what's going to be on it. I mean, it's essay and so subjective. I did find out that we have to do a genogram (family tree) for part of our final exam. It's due next Tuesday. Sounds like pointless busy work to me. What the hell does that have to do with Clinical Interviewing? Also sounds like the Professor can't figure out what else to test us on. Oh well. Anyway, when I got home I actually bought my plane tickets to L.A. and e-mailed that information to Luke and Cindy. Yay. I can't wait to go out there. It looks like I will be there for 6 full days, so that will be a nice vacation. Think of all the food that we'll eat. . . I better bring some elastic pants.

Today was pretty much the same, only exhausting. I have been so tired lately. Maybe I just haven't recovered from my trip to Rochester yet. Work was very slow and boring. I did manage to balance my checkbook though. After work I headed off to the gym. I had a nice workout, but not as long as I would have liked because it was a lot busier than it usually is. I guess everyone is trying to get ready for summer. Whatever. . . some of us try to stay in shape all year round so get out of my gym chumps. I did some cardio, a little weights, and of course my 155 crunches though. I really need to get back in gear with this workout business. After that, I came home to study and get stuff done. I called Cindy at work, but she couldn't talk because she was in the middle of something. She said she would call me later but she never did. I don't know why she doesn't call me anymore. She used to call every once in a while. It would be nice if she made more of an active effort to keep in touch. Oh well. At least I'll see her soon. And I'll send her a card or something. I'm so tired right now. I think I'll do some laundry, maybe the dishes, and then try to get to bed at a reasonable hour. We'll see how that works out.

I need a drink

Well yesterday's Father's Day lunch was very long and very tedious. Yeah, I know. Some Father's Day. It was pretty much an hour of my sister talking about herself and her stupid life. Whatever. Some things never change. I needed a drink to get through lunch. No, I'm serious. But I was paying, so who really cared? We went to Red Lobster and the food was really good. I hadn't eaten there in a really long time. It was expensive, but it was Father's Day and I could afford it. And Dad deserved it after all. Of course I paid for my sister's meal too. I mean, she has no money. After lunch, we went back to my sister's place to open gifts. Of course my mom was there, but I've learned to be civil. I had fun playing with my nephew for a few hours. My dad and I took turns playing with him and we took turns holding the video camera and we got some great footage. My nephew is so adorable. I'm just curious as to how my sister is going to screw him up. Time will tell.

After the baby started getting fussy, Dad and I split, and I went home to do homework and wait for Robert to call. I had left him a voice mail earlier telling him that I was back in town and asking if he wanted to get together. He text messaged me pretty soon after that and said that he would call me later because he was with a client and was working. I knew which client he was referring to and knew that when he was with her, he could sometimes get done pretty late. I wasn't going to get my hopes up that I was going to see him that night. So I went home and worked on a report for my video interview for class that was due on Tuesday and also did some unpacking and cleaning.

Robert actually did call me around 10:30 and wanted to see me. Of course he had to get up early the next morning to go back to work. I headed over to his house and we did have fun hanging out for a few hours. Then he got a call around 1:00 in the morning. Apparently, a friend of his had an accident on his dirt bike on a major highway and they needed Robert's help to get the bike. Luckily, the guy only had a few broken bones. But alas, I had to go home late at night. But Robert actually seemed worried about me because he knew I was tired and he wanted me to call him when I got home to let him know I got home okay. How sweet. I went home, did as I was told. and crashed.

Today was a pretty lazy and relaxing day. I worked on some more school stuff and watched some mindless daytime TV. I also checked on prices for plane tickets for the L.A. trip and tried to coordinate my schedule with Luke. I'm going to buy my tickets later this week. I'm so excited. I hope Robert doesn't mind that Luke and I will be sharing a hotel room. I joked around with him last night and told him that something had happened between Luke and me. I told Robert that I was kidding, but for a second it was as if Robert didn't believe me and like he might not be sure. I'm sure I convinced him though. I swear. Men are so weird. I am really going to hate going back to work tomorrow. It's back to setting the alarm for 5:15. Yay.

Wedding Madness

So Luke and I had a lot of fun trying to read Jake's quote unquote "specific" directions to the place where the rehearsal was going to be. We had to go up this steep hill that everyone else was impressed with to get there. Frankly, I wasn't that impressed. When we finally got there, it was nice to see Jake again. He was as mediocre as ever of course. I'm sure he was glad that Luke brought me since the other Cindy hates him. I'm the nice Cindy. . . I just don't like him very much. Hehe. The pastor went through the entire process in a very short time. No, it did not take him very long to tell the groomsmen and the bridesmaids how to walk. Luckily, most of them have been doing it all of their lives. I'm not so sure about Luke though. He still has a little trouble every now and then. After the rehearsal, we pretty much stuffed ourselves silly. . . because we hadn't eaten nearly enough during this trip. I had fun bantering back and forth with some of the groomsmen. I fit right in with the group. They're all a lot of fun. Luke got a great groomsmen gift that included a shirt that said "Jacob loves me." How sweet. After that, we hung out a little more, ate a little more (duh) and then headed home for the very long drive.

Saturday began early with Luke and I waking up at 7 am to begin our hectic day. We got ready and I actually managed to make myself beautiful in record time. But I guess it doesn't take much. Then we packed the rest of our mother of all subs and other snacks and we were on our way. We stopped to pick up Luke's lint roller and then we had to pick up Luke's pants first. Then we headed to his Aunt Deb's house so we could visit with her. She was so funny. She made cookies and told us different stories and such. I think I may like her better than Luke. :) I definitely see where he gete his sense of humor from. She was great. Then we headed to his grandmom's house where I got to meet her and see his mom again. They were busy moving so they didn't really get a chance to visit much. His mom hadn't seen me in a while and Luke didn't think she would remember me. But she did notice that I had lost a lot of weight. She told me that I looked great, so that made me happy. It was nice meeting his family and seeing the place that Luke grew up. Luke even pointed out some of the places that he used to work at back in the day. :)

So by the time we left his family's, there was no time to go see any waterfalls like we had planned unfortunately. But that was okay. We ate our subs on the way to Wil's (the best man's) house. We had to be there early so Luke could get pictures taken. Of course when we got there, we were informed that pictures would not actually be taken for 2 more hours. Ugh. So basically Luke and I could have gone to the falls. Oh well. Luke and the boys decided to go play golf and I went with the dates of some of the groomsmen so that I could change into my wedding clothes and make myself presentable. We did that in record time with one of the women trying to wrap her gift. It was kind of an awkward gift so she was having some trouble. Finally she figured it out and we were off to Wal-Mart so that we could get her a card to go with it. I also realized along the way that they assumed that Luke and I were together when I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. They said, "Oh, so you and Luke are just friends?" Yes, yes we are. Logical assumption I guess, but I set them straight.

Finally we arrived at the wedding and Laura was there! Yay! Unfortunately her Luke couldn't come because of work stuff, so basically she was Luke's third date. :) The wedding was so sweet, except for the whole bible verse and prayer stuff of course. I found out that the only reason that was in there was because the grandmothers were religious, not because the bride and groom were. I don't get that. The ceremony should be about the bride and groom, not anyone else. Anyway, it was short and sweet. They've been together about nine years, which seems amazing to me. After the wedding, we did the receiving line thing and congratulated Jake and Rachael. She looked so beautiful in her dress. Then we got to eat appeatizers. I ate so much. . . and the main course hadn't even come yet. But all of the food was good. And then they had about ten different desserts. The toasts were very sweet. Then Luke, Laura, and I danced a little. Not as much as I would have liked, but then again the music kind of sucked. Laura's wedding won't be like that. I can't wait for her wedding. She even said I can come out to D.C. and visit her. I've never been there so that would be awesome. It was so nice hanging out with the two of them again and we got some excellent pictures to mark the occassion. They started cleaning up around 9:00 so we had to head out. Besides we all had long drives ahead of us. . . not as long as Laura though and she was by herself. Poor thing. :( Oh, and I just wanted to give a shout-out to Laura. Hey Laura!! :)

Luke and I took turns driving home. I know he was exhausted since he had already driven us all the way there to begin with. So he drove us halfway home and then I drove us the rest of the way. We got home around 11 and Luke was kind enough to burn a copy of all the pictures that we have taken over the course of this trip onto a CD for me. There were a lot of them. We took a lot of good pictures. I am going to miss him. I may even miss his crazy cat. . . .okay, well I may be exaggerating a bit on that one. So we headed to bed around midnight and then we were up at 4:30 so that we could get to the airport at 5:00. Oy. Luckily, it as not a full flight and there was no one sitting in the two seats next to me. I stretched out and was asleep before people had finished boarding. I didn't wake up until a few minutes before we landed. Kim was right on time and we talked as she drove me to where my car was at the airport. She gave me advice on Robert (which I may or may not take) and then she told me about her and Dave. Yeah, they're not splitting up after all. Surprise, surprise. So now, I'm about to take my Dad on his Father's Day lunch. Yay. I'm still oh, so tired.

Another day filled with oh so much food. . . and beautiful pictures of me!

Last night I awoke after an hour long nap to Luke yelling at me to get my ass out of bed because we had stuff to do. What the hell? I thought this was vacation. Whatever. I just went with the flow. So we went to the dollar theater to see Robots, which was pretty funny. And then we went to Golden Port, which I had been dying to eat at since the moment I had stepped off the plane. It was everything I remembered and more. We stuffed ourselves silly. I had some old favorites and tried some new things as well and it was great. Too bad Wayne can't do Dim Sum in Georgia. **Sigh** Oh well. Then we went home and watched Closer, which Luke had on DVD. I had been wantng to see that for a while. It was basically just a bunch of people talking about sex for two hours. Mmmm. . . my kind of movie. Of course there was also a lot of screaming and a lot of crying. . . . followed by some more sex. Actually, it was a weird movie and I'm kind of glad I didn't spend $8 seeing it in the theatres. After all of that, we slept.

Today we woke up and Luke went to his dentist appointment while I made myself beautiful. Of course, I'm naturally gorgeous but hey, I want to look extra special for Luke, right? :) When he got back, I was just finishing up the "beautification" process. I packed Luke's lunch pail with some snacks for the long road trip to Elmira later. I mean, we may get lost and we would hate to have to snack on each other. Apparently, I don't have the good kind of fat on my bones any more. . . just the bad kind. Oh well. And then we were off for the day's adventure. We headed to this Italian bakery for some pastries to sustain us on the oh, so long drive to the zoo. They were delicious and very messy. I ended up with white stuff all over me (sugar), but we all know how I love that. :) Then we went to the zoo and saw so many adorable animals. Luke, of course, took a lot of very good pictures of me. I was especially photogenic today and just about all the pictures of me looked great, so I was happy. Luke looked great in all the pictures as well. Also, he was videoing the elephants and I said "WOAH" in the middle of it again. Hey, it's tradition, right?

After the zoo, it was off to the wonderful world of Target where I was able to buy my dad a Father's Day card and pee for the 10th time. I swear, m bladder is the size of a peanut this weekend. Then, we ate Mexican at the real Mexican restaurant that Luke managed to find in Rochester. We ate giant burritos that were soooo good. Of course it still isn't as good as the restaurant that I love and go to in Atlanta, but whatever. We had no room to try Abbott's custard because we were soooo full, so we headed home so Luke could change and I could wash my face and use the bathroom two more times in thee span of fifteen minutes. Now we are on our way to Jake's rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. It'll be nice to see him again. Okay, so I'm exaggerating a little. Gotta go for now. Almost there!

Ahhh. . . back in Rochester again. Sweet

So yesterday at work passed by rather quickly. I paid some bills while I was there (had to get those out of the way before I left town) and I caught up on some stuff that I needed to do before I headed off on my great adventure. We had a team meeting that was actually kind of boring. Luckily, I got to leave before it was over. My day ended at 4:00 on the dot and the meeting wasn't supposed to end until 4:30. Hey, any other day I would be happy to stay overtime for it but I had a plane to catch. So I headed down to my dad's UPS store so that we could fight Atlanta traffic to go to the airport. Seriously, Atlanta traffic sucks. But we made it there and then I got to spend half an hour hunting down Chick-fil-A because I forgot which gate they were at and I wanted to surprise Luke with a sandwich. Eventually, I had to call my own company to get the number to the restaurant and find out where they were at. I swear, I hope Luke appreciates all the trouble I went to in order to get him a damn sandwich. For me, I went to the Atlanta Bread Company though. Hey, I eat Chick-fil-A just about every damn day. Don't judge me, okay? Of course my plane was delayed for about half an hour dammit. Can't Air Tran do anything right? I just wanted to get the hell out of Georgia. The plane ride seemed long, I was cramped and I was ready to be in Rochester.

I really should have put on lipstick. I should have known that the second Luke saw me he would be snapping pictures. He snapped three of them in the span of thirty seconds. Craziness. . . and there was no way I could prepare for it. It was great to see him though. He looks so much younger with his braces and he looks thinner too. Rochester looks the same though. Of course I look hotter than when I was here last. :) We went back to Luke's place and just hung out for a few hours laughing and talking. Of course Luke did spend one of those hours completely ignoring me for some work he had to do online. Bad, bad host. :) Then it was nighty night.

Today we woke up and discovered that it was raining. Luke was a little bummed since he had planned this great picnic at Letchworth Park. Whatever. . . where is his sense of adventure?? I love picnics in the rain. Or. . . maybe not. Hehe. But we packed up Jake's mother of all picniic baskets with the mother of all subs, among many other items, and we set out on our journey. We took so many pictures and saw so many wonderful views. It was fabulous. It was raining a little while we were taking the pictures and looking at the views, but luckily the rain stopped long enough for us to sit on a blanket near one of the falls and enjoy our feast. . . and I do mean feast. There was much food and sparkling conversation and even some more picture taking. Ahhh. . . good times. It almost allowed me to forget about whats-his name. As much as I may want to, I will not call him. Someone may have to stop me though. But I think this break away from EVERYONE is just what I need. Today was a very relaxing day indeed. Anyway, after the picnic, we went to look at a few more overlooks and then headed back to civilization. . . .which I guess would be Rochester. And now we're home and Luke is napping. And later we'll go to Golden Port. Mmmm. . . . :)

Oh, and I got an e-mail from Kim. Apparently, her and Dave are splitting up. . . AGAIN and she's moving into a place of her own. Sure, I'll believe that when I see it. And she wants to go see the Backstreet Boys. What is a good way to tell her that they are soooo over?? Oh well, I think I'll go take a nap with Luke. All this blog writing has made me tired.

McDonald's is evil

Here is my oh, so wonderful tip of the day: Never, ever, ever go to McDonald's when you're depressed and having a bad day. So yesterday I was hot (because Georgia sucks and it was literally 100 degrees outside) and I badly needed some cold comfort food (i.e. ice cream). So I decided to treat myself to a hot fudge sundae at McDonald's. I figured that at 330 calories and 9 grams of fat, it wasn't that much of a splurge, right? Bad idea. It was lunchtime. I had not eaten a real lunch yet. I was upset. Put all that together and what do you get? Yep. I decided to splurge on some good old fashioned greased. So I got a Quuarter Pounder with cheese and some fries as well. I knew I would regret it and regret it I did. I really need to stop this emotional eating. It's not good. I'm not even working out as much as I used to. I think that when I go down to Luke's, I'm going to use his elliptical trainer. I've never used one of those before. And I know that we will NOT be eating healthy. And there is no way I'm getting fat again. McDonald's is totally evil.

The rest of the day had me feeling guilty about this little splurge and work totally dragged by. I tried to call Robert when I got off work like he asked but he wasn't home, even though he did tell me he would be home all day working on his video thing for his friend. He also wasn't answering his cell phone. I didn't bother leaving a message. I tried to make up for my earlier McDonald's pig-out by getting a nice turkey sub on wheat bread at Subway to take to class. Nice and healthy. Much better. Class went very well. I presented my video interview to my class. Everyone said that I was one of the best that presented. One of my classmates even said that he would totally sign up to do therapy with me. And considering the fact that he actually does therapy for a living, that is quite a compliment. So that made me very happy.

After class, I did call Robert again because apparently he had called me (he didn't leave a message either). He couldn't get together. Big surprise. I was too drained and depressed to contribute much to the conversation. I was on my way to pick up the CD's that Alvin burned for me, so I hurried up and got off the phone. He told me to call him later, but I never did. I was just too exhausted and besides, he's too busy for me, right? Good news is that I found someone else to take me to the airport. Kim is going to do that. Yippee.

Today is going to be a beautiful and marvelous day. I can feel it. I went to Wal-Mart and bought my dad some deer corn for Father's Day (I know, I know. . . but that's what he wanted) and some other things). It's still really, really hot in Georgia and I only have to work 4 hours today, one of which will be spent in a team meeting. Woo-hoo! Today's horoscope says: "You're about to embark on a flight to a very new, very romantic destination, but unlike most airlines, you're not allowed to carry any baggage -- emotional or otherwise -- on board with you." Well, I don't know how romantic Rochester is, but I'm going to try to leave all my baggage here in Georgia where it belongs. Good luck to me.

It's going to be a long, hot day

Well Sunday was spent fooling around on the video camera with Seth some more. We are so funny, I swear. Then he left because he wasn't feeling that well. I had my interview with my cousin that night. I think that one went very well. She was quite the talker. I think I have some good stuff to present to my class. I definitely found out some interesting stuff about her, too. So it was good. It lasted exactly one hour and then I headed home. I told my dad to burn the interview onto DVD. I also asked him to burn the tapes that Seth and I made onto DVD. I can't wait to see how those turn out. Of course I asked him not to watch them while they were burning. The interviews are supposed to be confidential and he really didn't want to hear what Seth and I were talking about. Hehe.

Monday I had to get up to go to work, even though I usually had the day off. I switched with a coworker to get Saturday off to go to Rochester. That's one less vacation day that I have to use. Pretty clever, huh? Work was kind of steady and quiet the whole day. It's actually pretty dead on Mondays because a lot of people have the day off. The day went by surprisingly fast, which was good because I just wanted to get out of there. I had so much to do to get ready for my trip. After work, I went home and started packing. I wanted that chore done. My dad finished burning the DVD's for me. I watched them and they came out great. So I had to watch my interview with my cousin and decide on what segment to show to my class. An hour's worth of videotape and they only want to see 10 minutes. Ha. But I finally found 10 minutes of pretty good footage that I wanted to show them. I also managed to do laundry, clean out my car, clean my room, do the dishes, and finish packing. How's that for getting stuff done?

I text messaged and called Robert, but he did not call me back. Bastard. I left him a message asking if he wanted to get together on Tuesday since I was going out of town on Wednesday. I also needed to know if he could still pick me up from the airport on Sunday when I got back. I told myself I wouldn't call him again, but I did anyway. I called him around 10:30 and apparently woke him up. He told me he would call me back. Didn't think he would, but he did. He told me he was still working on this video thing for his friend's wedding from three years ago or something. Of course he told me he was supposed to have finished it on Sunday. So he may or may not be able to see me Tuesday depending on how far he gets along with it, even though supposedly his friend is supposed to pick it up today anyway. I get the feeling he's making excuses. If he doesn't see me, then by the time I get back from Rochester, it will have been over a week since we've seen each other. He did say he would be able to pick me up from the airport though. I'm thinking that if he does make excuses on why he can't see me tonight, I may just get someone else to pick me up from the airport so that I don't have to see him right when I get back. I think I'm finally getting tired of this back and forth stuff with him. He wants me, he doesn't, he wants me, he doesn't. . . and you get the idea. I think this time out of town and away from him will be just what I need. It'll give me time to clear my head and think about what I want to do. Great, now I'm depressed.

Today's temperature will rise to 92 degrees and the humidity will make it feel like 100. I don't need this. I'm a little nervous about my presentation tonight. But it'll be fine. 10 minutes of my class listening to my interview and then less than five minutes for them to tear me down. I'm supposed to call Robert later to see if he can see me, I guess. At least I am all packed for Rochester so that's out of the way. And I'm taking a half day vacation tomorrow so I don't have to wake up at 5:30. Yay! I'm so excited about seeing Luke. If anyone can cheer me up, he can. And maybe Laura too. :)

Sex, lies, and videotape. . . well maybe just sex and videotape

This weekend was pretty cool. I woke up on Friday in a much better mood than I was on Thursday. Work was so busy. I went in and we had 50 e-mails. How did that happen? Oh well. Something to do. I also spent the day trying to get vacation time for my trip to L.A. This is turning into one great big pain in the ass. I think I'm going to have to use one extra vacation day because one of my coworkers can't cover for me after all on of the days that I'm going to be gone. Oh well. It'll all work out. I'm so excited for that trip. I also got a call from the car dealership during work that my car was FINALLY ready to be picked up. The highlight of my day. Someone only hit me ages ago and it's only been at the dealership for three weeks. So I now get to pick up my car after work. Woo-hoo! After work, I went to pick up my car. I got off at 4 and I knew they closed at 6. Well with Atlanta traffic, I managed to get there 10 minutes before they closed. And I got my car. . . oh how I've missed it. Then I went to the grocery store. I also had to call Robert and give him directions to my place ro meet me before the party. Isn't that funny? My boyfriend doesn't even know how to get to my place. But he hadn't been there since our first date four months ago.

When Robert finally arrived at my place, we set off for my friend's "sex toy" party. It was. . . interesting. We even played fun games and stuff. And yes, I did buy a few items. It was a little crazy. Of course Robert and I agreed that most of the stuff was a little more expensive than it should have been. I mean, you can buy most of the stuff that was being sold on the Internet for a lot cheaper. After the party, we went back to my place and we were up a little later than we probably should have been. He would have spent the night, but apparently my bed was too soft. Whatever. He left around 1 and I tried to get some sleep since I had to be up at 5:45 in the morning. Ugh, I hate my schedule.

Saturday at work was very busy, but at least it went by fast. And none of the customers gave me too hard of a time, which was good. Then I went home and slept for two hours because I was exhausted. And then Seth was there! I hadn't seen him in weeks so I was happy that he was able to come over. We went to our usual Mexican place and caught up on all the gossip and then we went to see The Longest Yard with Adam Sandler. That was such a hilarious movie. I highly recommend it. When we got home, Seth and I had a lot of fun with my dad's video camera. I really hope that my dad never sees that footage. Seth and I talked about sex and Robert a lot. We talked about other things too, though. But we watched it back and it was so funny. Then we both crashed around 2:00 am because all that videotape left us exhausted.

Today I hope to do my interview wih my cousin if she dosen't flake out and maybe Seth and I will fool around with the video camera some more. It's been a great weekend.

Drowning in a sea of responsibilities

So last night I met up and had dinner with a friend that I used to work with. We hadn't seen each other in a year. She hasn't seen me since I've lost my 50 pounds. She said I looked like a new person. She also said I should cut my hair. I think I'm starting to agree. I sent Robert a text message and he never responded. Big surprise. I don't like this whole relationship thing. It's icky. That's right. I said icky. I went to bed early. 8:30. I woke up around 3:30 and tossed and turned for another 2 hours till my alarm went off. I had a dream that Luke text messaged me though. Weird.

I woke up all kinds of irritable. Robert had called me two days ago and told me that he wanted to go to my friend's party on Friday, but somehow I doubt he'll go. I have a million things to do before my trip to Rochester next week, which I am so looking forward to. Maybe a few days out of town will help clear my head. Actually, time with Luke usually makes my head even cloudier. Whatever.

Things to do:

1) shopping with Kim
2) interview for class
3) write report for interview
4) buy Father's Day gift
5) pack for Rochester
6) burn CD's for plane ride
7) balance checkbook

I'm sure there are other things, but I can't think of them now. But I am happy about the fact that I got a perfect score on my midterm in class. That's right. . . a 100. Also, I had a meeting with my boss and apparently I am going to be teleworking (working from home) in one month! You know what that means, right? No more getting up at 5:30 Tuesday through Saturday to deal with rush hour traffic in Atlanta. How much will I save on gas? A LOT. Not to mention oil changes. Of course I will still have to drive to Atlanta twice a week for class, but that's nothing. I can do that. That news really brightened my day. I still feel a little irritable, but I'll deal. I still have to work out my vacation plans for Rochester in July, too. I'm a little sick of people right now, I think. So don't expect to talk to me today. I'll call Robert tonight to let him know what time the party is tomorrow. Of course I expect to get his voice mail. And if he actually calls me back, I might just do the unthinkable and let my voice mail pick up. I really don't feel like talking to anyone tonight.

Who knew people were so scared of a little videotape?

This weekend was a little crazy. Friday was quite busy at work, but I like that. Dwight and I made plans to do our interview on Sunday. I just wanted the day to end so that I can spend time with Robert. Rochelle decided to give everyone at work a nickname. Mine, apparently, is "Loud Tongue." Fabulous. I tried to work on getting time off for my trip in L.A. in July. It might be a little harder than I thought, but I'll work it out. I can't wait to go. I really can't wait to see Luke in a week and a half. I am so excited. After work, I went to the gym for a workout. Of course, this idiot tried flirting with me again, Really. . . back off. Then, I got a message from a old friend from elementary school who is having a party this Friday night where they sell sex toys and stuff. And apparently, it's just for couples. Sounds fun though. I'll see if Robert wants to go. Of course we still have to do his birthday surprise. I also got a call from Robert canceling our date. Apparently, he was really sick with some sort of virus or something. So I headed home and spent the rest of the night cleaning and preparing for Sunday's interview with Dwight. Fun Friday night.

Saturday was long and boring at work. It was so quiet and so dead. I hate working on Saturdays. After work, I decided to go shopping. I thought the Victoria's Secret semi-annual clearance sale had started in the stores already, but I was wrong. Oh well. I still wandered around since I had nothing better to do. The rest of my night was fairly uneventful. I did go to Wal-Mart and wander around there a bit, too. What better way to pass the time when you're bored? I didn't get a lot of sleep on Saturday, though. For some reason I was up at 7:30. Ouch.

Sunday was spent with more cleaning and even some cooking. I made lasagna for the first time in forever. It came out pretty well, too. Dwight came over for the interview and we got down to business. It was ineteresting. I think it could have gone better though. So I think I'm going to rope someone into doing another interview and seeing which one I like best. Dwight was interesting to talk to, though. And he stayed for quite a while after the interview and we talked about a lot of different things. Then I headed off to Robert's. I'll leave out the details, but the rest of my evening was extremely intense. And somehow he managed to get me to tell him what his birthday surprise was. I'm not even going to tell you how he got me to talk on that one. Today we had to wake up early because he had to go to a client's place. So we were up till 3:00 or 3:30 and awke at 9:30. So exhausted.

Today I decided to go spend the day at my uncle's pool. I was hangin out on a float in the middle of the pool and I fell asleep a couple of times. I was so tired. And I tried to find someone to do my second interview. I called one of my step-cousins, who said that he didn't want to do it because the questions would be "gay." What the hell does that mean? Then I called my cousin's boyfriend and he was afraid he would me an ass of himself on camera. Oy. He did say that he would do it if I couldn't find anyone else. Finally, another one of my step-cousins said that she would do it. Excellent. So I got some color today and I got someone else to do another interview. Good times, good times. And now I am still exhausted. So I will chill out a little and then hit the sack extra early.

Why do people keep feeding my paranoia?

Today was nice and uneventful. Waking up at 5:30 to deal with rush hour for the first time since Friday was tough. . . and the weather did not make it any easier. It rained all day today and apparently it is supposed to rain all through the weekend. Oh joy. I arrived at work to a ton of e-mails, including a notice from my boss regarding a monthly team meeting that just happens to be scheduled while I'm to be on vacation in Rochester. Hmm. . . this is the second meeting in a row that has been scheduled during my vacation time. Coincidence? I happened to mention this and Dwight said that it was because everyone was talking about me. Okay, why did he have to say that? I already think everything is a conspiracy theory. Then Rochelle said, "We keep trying to think of ways to get you to quit, Cindy, but you just won't go down without a fight." Ahh. . . coworker love, right?

I did get a lot of work done on a big work project though. Work passed quickly. Dwight agreed to Sunday as the big date for our video interview for my class. I really should do something nice for him on Sunday as a thank-you. Maybe I'll cook him dinner or something. Lasagna would be good. I haven't cooked lasagna in forever. I guess I'm just Little Miss Homemaker lately with all of this cooking. After work, I went to the gym (as Dwight said, "Big Surprise") and the rain was just making Atlanta drivers even crazier. Then I went to the grocery store because I had absolutely no food. After that, I spent the next couple of hours relaxing and watching the stupidest show ever, "Beauty and the Geek." Seriously, why the hell did I watch that? And when my dad got home, he showed me how to work his video camera for my interview on Sunday. I'm a little nervous about it, but I think I'll do fine. God, I am so tired. I'm going to shower and finish laundry and hit the sack. I know. . . it's been a boring day.