In over my head

Well, I knew that dating was exhausting and I was right. I'm not sure how things are going with World Traveler. I guess it depends on who you would ask. Things seem to be going great. . . on the surface. We had three dates last week. That's right, three. He calls when he says he will. He calls when I'm not expecting him to. Things might be moving a little fast. Of course, we're not exclusive by a long shot and I'm sure he's fine with that. I'm definitely cool with taking it one day at a time. However, I'm not sure he's "long-term" material. But how many more dates should I give him before I can trust my gut instinct and call it quits? I'm really bad about that. He's funny and smart and we have great chemistry. There are just a couple of nagging things that I'm not sure about. I just don't know if I'm being too picky or if these are genuine things to be concerned about. Or maybe it really is too early to tell. Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing way too damn much. We're actually going on an overnight trip to the mountains tomorrow night. A mini-vacation of sorts. I guess we'll see how that trip goes. I just think I need to make a decision before I get too emotionally invested and it gets harder to let go. But I won't make the same mistake I made with Robert. If I know it's not going to work out long-term, I'm letting go.

It had been a while since I had heard from Doc, so I was beginning to wander if maybe I had misjudged our date. But then he emailed me and said that he just got busy with work and he definitely wanted to go out with me again. So I shot him another email and told him to call me and we could try to set something up. I guess that's just the life of a doctor. I also have a date with another guy that I'll call Math Tutor this Saturday night. I know, I know. I'm a busy girl. I'm trying to keep myself that way. I need to evaluate all my options here. I'm trying to make other plans so that World Traveler doesn't take me for granted. He wanted to take me out last minute tonight, but I told him I had other plans. That wasn't a lie. He assumes I'm dating someone else, which of course I am (just not tonight). It's hard to tell if he's jealous or not. I swear. Men are so confusing. I think I am just a little in over my head. I usually am where men are concerned.

Goodbyes

I'm going to take a break from discussing my wonderful dating journey to discuss something a bit more serious. I have just been dumped by my best friend. Kim, my best friend of six years, has decided that she does not want to be friends with me anymore. This, and the reasons behind it, have come as a big surprise.

Kim and I did get into an argument a couple of weeks ago, but apparently this is not the reason for this decision. The argument was apparently a misunderstanding anyway. I had told her that I would be busy for the next couple of weeks, which was not a lie. I have taken on an extra class this session and these last couple of weeks have been a bit crazy for me. I have had a couple of papers (including a ten page research paper), a debate to work on, a final, an interview project to work on, and I have also worked a couple of double shifts. The email that she sent me on Friday was sarcastic, mean, and insulting, which is extremely hurtful considering how long we have been friends. I feel like I deserved better. She told me that she could not be friends with me anymore because of how busy I have been. That's right, I am too busy to call or go out with her so she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She said that busy people make time for the people who are important to them. She said that she obviously is not important to me because I don't call to make plans and because I just have too much going on.

I can't believe she would throw away a friendship because of this. I have gone weeks without talking to Seth and months without talking to Cindy before because of how busy everyone gets. Not once do any of us doubt our friendship because of it. On one hand, I feel guilty. But on the other hand, I feel like if she were really my friend, she would have understood that sometimes school comes first. It has to. It doesn't mean my friends are any less important to me. But right now, with my two jobs and grad school, I can't always be as social as I would like. Is that wrong? I'm working towards a goal that's very important and if I have a ton of papers and projects, what am I supposed to do?

It just seems hard to believe that it's over. We have been through a lot together, some good, some bad. It's funny because in the last few years she has done so many things to me that have really made me question how important I was to her. But I stuck it through. That was just the loyalty I felt for our friendship. I guess she did not feel the same loyalty. I really don't know what to make or feel about this. I feel hurt and angry and so many other things. I'm even more hurt that she couldn't send me a calm email explaining how she felt before making this decision. I'm hurt that she would write the email in such a manner as to be insulting and to try to make me feel guilty. I think that I deserved better.

The dating merry-go-round

Two dates in less than a week? Say it ain't so. I guess when I get out there, I get out there. I spoke with another guy that I met on match.com this past Saturday. I'm calling him World Traveler. Yeah, I call him that because he's been to Egypt. Pathetic maybe, but I'm not creative enough to come up with a better nickname for him. Anyway, we've talked online a couple of times and once we were talking until 3:30 in the morning. He seems funny and really smart and totally cool. I wasn't even sure he was that into me because he hadn't asked me out yet. But then he did ask me to go on a picnic with him on Sunday after I got off work. It was a really great first date. And when I say great. . . wow. He was cute, funny, smart, charming, etc. It went really, really well. Then, he said he'd call the next day. . . and he did. Fancy that. I'm really kind of proud of myself though for not putting all my emotional eggs in one basket. Even though I really like this guy and would like to see him again, I'm still out there trying to get another date. I have to meet all those fish that are supposedly out there, right? And things may not work out with this guy. Besides, I want to focus my attention on others so that I don't agonize over this one and then maybe I won't seem to desperate if (or when) I see him again.

I did go to this interesting website called Hurry Date and it's kind of like speed dating. They have all these speed dating events and I'm thinking of going just so I can get out of my comfort zone a little bit. They are actually having a wine tasting event later this week. It's not a speed dating thing; it's just a place for singles to meet and I'm thinking of going. I might as well go where the singles will be. I think my horoscope for today says it all:

"Push yourself out of your comfort zone or the universe may do it for you. If you take the initiative, you'll be able to create space to do more of the things that truly enrich your life. Your life is about to change."

I guess I'm just nervous because I'll be going by myself. But then again, guys don't like approaching women who are surrounded by a bunch of other women, anyway. It'll be fun to meet other single people. I may get a hot guy's phone number, but even if I don't at least it'll be something fun to do.

Getting back on that damn horse. . .

I had my first date in almost a year. Can I just say that I was petrified? Maybe petrified isn't exactly the right word. . . or maybe it is. Hell, I don't know. All I know is that I don't think I have had this many butterflies in my stomach since I was 21 and young and stupid. I still consider myself young, just not so stupid. Maybe I just haven't had a date in so long that I've forgotten what first-date butterflies are like. In any case, I met Med Student guy on Thursday and he's actually not a med student; he's a doctor. So we'll upgrade his nickname to Doc. Catchy, I know. He was really late because of traffic. He was considerate though and called me. I was understanding because hey, if anyone knows what Atlanta traffic is like in rush hour, it's me. So we meet and I forget to be nervous. He asks me questions, I ask him questions. I'm trying hard not to monopolize the conversation, but he's making it hard because he seems so damn interested. We had pho, which was delicious. He had never had it before and he really liked it. We hit it off really well. There weren't really any awkward silences or anything like that. It's hard to tell if there's chemistry, but it's only our first date. I'm 97% sure there's going to be 2nd one. He did mention taking me out for Thai food (to a specific restaurant) and we were even trying to pin down a specific date before we left the restaurant. It's kind of hard with my schedule so I think he's going to call. But I'm not going to obsess. With this whole dating thing, I can't take things personally. Guys are going to call or they won't. It may be me or it may not. In the meantime, I'm going to keep up my "volume dating." But it's exhausting continuously search for guys on these damn sites. Not to mention expensive.

I have made a decision about my search criteria. I think I may actually let up on the one about dating a guy with kids. I was thinking about my deal breakers when it comes to guys I am going to be in a long term relationship with and I was thinking about whether that should be one of them or not. Anyone have an opinion on that one? When I have children, I had already decided that I am not going to biologically give birth to any children anyway. I am just going to adopt. So as long as the guy is willing to expand his family, that should be good enough, right? I'm still thinking about my criteria for distance. How far is too far? I mean, let's face it. I'm not going to be in Georgia forever anyway. But I am going to be here for the next year and a half. Do I want to do long distance? Decisions, decisions.

Spinning round and round like a merry go round

I know, you probably thought I was passed out from exhaustion. . . probably from another car accident. It's been so long since my last entry. My life has been work, school, work, school, work, school. . . and did I mention more work? I feel like I'm a little ovverwhelmed since the end of the semester is coming up. I have paper upon paper and Father's Day couldn't have come at a worse time. But this weekend I managed to get a lot of work done so I actually feel better about everything. It's all about priorites.

I've decided to go another round in the oh so wonderful world of yahoo personals, match.com, and myspace. What have I gotten myself into? I don't know if my schedule can take it. Hell, I don't know if my body can take it. Take from that statement what you will. I have a tentative date with someone I'll call Mr. Med Student this Thursday. I'm supposed to talk to another guy who I'll call Mr. World Traveler about making plans tonight. I have no idea when I'm going to squeeze him in, but I guess I will check my calendar and try my best. I never thought I would have to check my calendar to plan a date. I hope these guys aren't put off by the fact that I'm too busy. I hope that I'm not spreading myself too thin. I'm trying to cut back my hours at the shelter. They can just do without me working all the extra hours. I need a life. Besides, it's kind of fun getting in dating mode again.