Blah Blah Blah

Okay, so it's been a while since my last post. I honestly haven't been in the mood to write at all. Lately, I've been feeling kind of. . . . depressed. And when I say kind of, I mean really depressed. Last weekend, I did not have the energy to get out of bed. I didn't want to do anything by lay in bed and stare at the TV. That's pretty much what I did. It's been kind of hard trying to get myself out of this mood. I know that I have a lot of things that I should be grateful for, and I am. Don't get me wrong. But for some reason, I've been feeling a massive amount of sadness for no reason at all. There are actually a couple of issues that I'm struggling with right now. I don't really want to talk about them yet because they are kind of personal. Those issues are factoring into this whole depression thing. I think it's frustrating for Boy Wonder because he has no idea how to help me and he just wants to make it better. He's a guy so he just wants to know how he can fix it. Of course he can't fix it. No one can really.

I did start seeing a therapist this week, so maybe that will help. She is so nice and I feel really comfortable with her. I have to admit that it's a little disconcerting to be on the other end of the couch, so to speak. I'm so used to expecting my clients to open up and reveal their deepest feelings and gain all this insight into their lives. Now I'm expected to do the same thing by someone else. I feel a little weird admitting that I'm a counselor who's going into counseling. I think some people expect us to be perfect and to never have any feelings or problems of their own. I know that I'm not perfect and it's a lot better to deal with my issues than to avoid them. I can't really lecture my own clients about why they shouldn't avoid dealing with their issues if I'm just doing the opposite of that.

I am getting more excited about the fact that school is almost over. My very last class ends in June. I finish my internship in October and I graduate in December. Woo-hoo! I am nervous and so excited about that. I'll be glad when classes end because right now, it seems like I'm running at 100 miles an hour. It'll be nice to slow down a little and take some "me"time.

Emotional Roller-coaster

The only explanation for my lack of post lately has been a bad case of writer's block. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to write about. The last few weeks have been a little. . . emotional, hectic, stressful, etc. I've been dealing with my chaotic schedule of internship, work, work, and class and of course, Boy Wonder. To be honest, Boy Wonder and I have been having a few problems. Some of them have been my fault, some his, and some just plain miscommunication. It seems like we've been fighting a lot lately and I'm kind of at a loss as to how to fix it. They haven't really been serious fights. . . well, most of them anyway. I don't know if we've been fighting because I've been taking out my stress on him or maybe he's taking out some of his on me or maybe there are some miscommunication differences that we're trying to iron out or maybe we're in some weird transition period because we've been going out for half a year (7 months to be exact) and we're trying to. . . I really don't know what the hell it is we're trying to do. I do know that we are still in love and talking about marriage. He keeps telling me that he knows we're soulmates and I agree. There are just some personality conflicts that we have to work on. I have a few issues. I need to learn that he's not perfect and there are some things that I just have to let go. And he's a guy so he can hardly read my mind. But I love him. That's all that really matters. . . right? Bottom line is that we don't really have any issues that we can't work out and for that, I'm grateful.

My internship is going well. I'm still really enjoying the work. Believe it or not, I actually like all my sex offender clients, even the ones who refuse to talk to me because they think therapy is a big waste of time. Actually, there is one that I don't really care for. Yes, I know that it's weird that I actually like my clients. But sex offenders are very likeable people and most of them are trying in their own ways to get better. Client by client, I'm doing my part to make a difference.

This weekend I'm taking such a break from everything. I'm working the overnight shift tonight at the shelter and the rest of the time will be spent focusing on me. I already told Boy Wonder that I desperately needed some "me" time. I don't get much of that, between work and him. He totally understands. Sunday, Kim has tickets to a hockey game so that will be a lot of fun. I'm so excited to have a whole weekend devoted to relaxing, watching TV, having fun. and most of all, SLEEPING IN. Ahhh. . . good times.