Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Okay, so yesterday instead of getting my car fixed I decided to do what any depressed female does: I went shopping. I went to the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual clearance sale, bought some stuff, spent money that I probably shouldn't have, and tried (unsuccessfully) to get my mind off of Robert. After all of that shopping, I decided I needed a shake and something to eat from Johnny Rocket's (since it was right there in the mall). Even though the shake was very fattening and bad, I did get something healthy and ordered a Grilled Chicken Sandwich with no mayonnaise. So it was in the middle of ordering that my boyfriend calls me. Perfect timing. And by perfect. . . I mean, not. Did I really want to have a serious conversation with him here? Hardly.
Well we made a lot of small talk and idle chit-chat about nothing at all (it's what we do best it seems) and eventually I was going to get around to telling him that I had something to talk to him about, but I wanted to do it later. . . after my class. Then he starts talking about all his stress and what he's going through and how he's thinking of going back to Europe. Then, he asks me how I'm doing. At first, I say I'm just fine. I don't know why. It's a lie really. He says that he does have a lot of important stuff to take care of, but it must be hard for me to always get the short end of the stick where he's concerned. Well duh. But apparently he hasn't been oblivious to that. I had to walk out of Johnny Rocket's because the music was making it hard to hear him, but basically he said he has all this stuff going on and the timing is all wrong. I did tell him I had been thinking the same thing for a while and that I was tired of being a low priority for him. Basically, we both agreed to just go our separate ways and that was that. So I guess it's over. He said we could still be friends if I wanted to and I said okay. I'm not sure if that's just something he's saying or what. Right now, I think I need a little time to get over him. My feelings for him were obviously a lot stronger than his were for me. I was feeling very numb after the conversation. I don't think the tears actually started for at least an hour.
I called Seth and he said that at least now I get to concentrate on finding someone who will make me happy. And he's right. And Robert taught me what I don't want in a guy. I want someone who won't blow me off, someone who won't keep me waiting by the phone, and someone will make a priority in their life. Is that so much to ask? Seth said at least I'm his again. Ha. He's so funny. I'm just depressed right now. This hurts a lot. I was really starting to fall for him. Even though I saw this coming, I still wasn't prepared. I sent Cindy a text message telling her what happened and asking her if she would call me, but she did not even respond. I'm really starting to get pissed off with her. I don't know what her deal is. Some friend. Oh well. At least my real friends are there when I need them.
After that nice little breakup, I got to go take my final exam. I have no idea how I did. I'm pretty sure I bombed it. My mind was a blank. I was just so drained and exhausted. I couldn't think. I don't know. I don't think I did worse than a B. I hope. I don't want to think about it right now. After class, most of the class went out for Mexican to celebrate the end of the class. The food was pretty good and we hung out for several hours. We had a blast and we started talking about interesting stuff. . . . well, sex mostly. Okay, that did not help get my mind off Robert. But it was still fun and it actually did make me feel a little better because they're all a great bunch of people. I didn't get home until late and so now I'm exhausted. My legs are so sore from working out on Monday that I can barely walk. I need alcohol. . . or chocolate. . . or sex. . . or all three. Whatever can ease this depression just a little bit. Usually, I use exercise as well but my legs are way too sore right now. So I think I will go home tonight, buy a chocolate cake, maybe some vodka and have a little party. Sounds fun, right?
Well we made a lot of small talk and idle chit-chat about nothing at all (it's what we do best it seems) and eventually I was going to get around to telling him that I had something to talk to him about, but I wanted to do it later. . . after my class. Then he starts talking about all his stress and what he's going through and how he's thinking of going back to Europe. Then, he asks me how I'm doing. At first, I say I'm just fine. I don't know why. It's a lie really. He says that he does have a lot of important stuff to take care of, but it must be hard for me to always get the short end of the stick where he's concerned. Well duh. But apparently he hasn't been oblivious to that. I had to walk out of Johnny Rocket's because the music was making it hard to hear him, but basically he said he has all this stuff going on and the timing is all wrong. I did tell him I had been thinking the same thing for a while and that I was tired of being a low priority for him. Basically, we both agreed to just go our separate ways and that was that. So I guess it's over. He said we could still be friends if I wanted to and I said okay. I'm not sure if that's just something he's saying or what. Right now, I think I need a little time to get over him. My feelings for him were obviously a lot stronger than his were for me. I was feeling very numb after the conversation. I don't think the tears actually started for at least an hour.
I called Seth and he said that at least now I get to concentrate on finding someone who will make me happy. And he's right. And Robert taught me what I don't want in a guy. I want someone who won't blow me off, someone who won't keep me waiting by the phone, and someone will make a priority in their life. Is that so much to ask? Seth said at least I'm his again. Ha. He's so funny. I'm just depressed right now. This hurts a lot. I was really starting to fall for him. Even though I saw this coming, I still wasn't prepared. I sent Cindy a text message telling her what happened and asking her if she would call me, but she did not even respond. I'm really starting to get pissed off with her. I don't know what her deal is. Some friend. Oh well. At least my real friends are there when I need them.
After that nice little breakup, I got to go take my final exam. I have no idea how I did. I'm pretty sure I bombed it. My mind was a blank. I was just so drained and exhausted. I couldn't think. I don't know. I don't think I did worse than a B. I hope. I don't want to think about it right now. After class, most of the class went out for Mexican to celebrate the end of the class. The food was pretty good and we hung out for several hours. We had a blast and we started talking about interesting stuff. . . . well, sex mostly. Okay, that did not help get my mind off Robert. But it was still fun and it actually did make me feel a little better because they're all a great bunch of people. I didn't get home until late and so now I'm exhausted. My legs are so sore from working out on Monday that I can barely walk. I need alcohol. . . or chocolate. . . or sex. . . or all three. Whatever can ease this depression just a little bit. Usually, I use exercise as well but my legs are way too sore right now. So I think I will go home tonight, buy a chocolate cake, maybe some vodka and have a little party. Sounds fun, right?
2 Comments:
Yeah I guess that pretty much sums it up.
Cindy, I am so sorry. I hope you feel better soon!
:) Laura
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