Politically Incorrect

Today, I was in my pajamas which consisted of my "Atheist" T-shirt. An interesting thing. . . Kim commented that the shirt was politically incorrect and that if I were to were that outside, that I would be shot. Now I'm not sure but I believe that those few comments are a direct reflection of the society in which I live. I think it's interesting that my shirt would be considered politically incorrect simply because it expressed a viewpoint that was different from 90% of the population around here. What's up with that? Kind of annoying and frustrating if you ask me. And what would happen if I were to go along with the crowd and wear a shirt that said, "Christian?" Well, then everyone would love me. Fabulous. When I mentioned that I got the shirt in L.A., she also made some comment about it would figure that I would get a shirt like that in L.A. That was a little stereotypical and I'm not sure what she meant by that, but there is a huge religious population on the West Coast. Believe me, I know. Anyway, Why is it that most non-religious people of accepting of different people's viewpoints, but the same can not be said of religious people? I've noticed that I'm a lot more tolerant than others. Kim is a Christian and apparently, she thinks my shirt is politically incorrect. Why? Because she disagrees with the viewpoint that is expressed on it. But just as she doesn't mind expressing her religious views, I have no problems expressing my atheist ones. And that's just the way it is.

Friends

Maybe it's just getting older or maybe it's all the stuff that has happened to me lately, but I've really started to reevaluate who my real friends are. When someone calls you their friend and yet they are not there for you in your time of need (so to speak), then I don't think they are a very good friend. I think the term "friend" is used very loosely. I have tried to be a good friend to certain people, but I haven't really gotten anything in return. And I'm not talking about anything material, either. I'm talking about the fact that I have been there for certain people every time I needed them, but they have yet to return the favor. I think it's time to let go of these so-called "friendships." I have to admit that with my medical crisis and my depression, there were strangers online that were a lot more supportive than certain "friends." This really opened my eyes.

My best friend, Kim, has decided to leave Dave (her ass of a boyfriend). They had this agreement that each of them could have one night a week to go out with their friends and do what they wanted to do. It would give them each a break from the kids. Her night was Tuesday and she was going over to a friend's straight from work tonight. Apparently, Dave decided to follow her from work to make sure that was where she was going. Talk about creepy. I guess that was the final straw and she has decided to leave him for good. I'm going to help her out as much as I can because that is what friends do. I admit she hasn't always been the best friend to me, but the main reason has been her relationship with him. I've been as supportive as I can because I've known that there really isn't anything I can do until she really wants to leave him. Hopefully, she will leave him this time. When she does, I'll be here because that's what I do. I'm loyal that way.

I don't know what the hell happened to my laptop this weekend, but Kim turned off the screen for some reason and now it's broken. Thank goodness my dad has this other laptop that he has loaned me for business stuff. It's newer and faster. Of course for some reason, I have been unable to sign on to AOL Instant Messenger on it. I'm signed onto Yahoo okay, but not AOL. Oy. Oh well.

Withdrawals

Caffeine withdrawals are a bitch. (As are junk food withdrawals.) The past few weeks, I have fallen off the wagon and have been living on sweet tea. Ahh. . . sweet tea. Sunday night, I borrowed (re: stole) two of my dad's Mountain Dews. I can't believe I drank two in one night. I hadn't drank Mountain Dew in over a year and they were as good as I remembered. Okay, so it may be unnatural for a beverage to be that color, but they are sooo good and soooo addicting. I have also had numerous binges on Taco Bell, Dairy Queen (their new Flame Thrower Burger is AMAZING), Wendy's, and Mexican food. I even had one binge at the Waffle House. And have I been exercising through all of this? Ha. Maybe my depression isn't quite gone after all. But I think it's easing up because I'm starting to see that this is been hell on my body.

Last night, on my way home from class I had an overwhelming urge for Taco Bell. I was starving and I wanted some fat and caffeine. Of course I told myself it would be the last time. Like every addict, I've told myself that same thing over the last couple of weeks. But I resisted the urge and it was. . . so. . . hard. I went home and had cereal instead. Yeah, Yogurt Burst Cheerios compared with a Chili Cheese Burrito. That was the same thing. So now I'm feeling very fatigued and I have a little bit of a headache that I'm pretty sure is from withdrawals. And if I know my caffeine withdrawal symptoms (and I think I do), it's only going to get worse. Last time I was off caffeine, I went 17 months without a drop. Let's see if I can get off of it for good this time. I remember that the first couple of weeks are the hardest, so I just have to make it through the hump.

I have been saying "I need to go off caffeine" for the past couple weeks and I hate that expression." I HATE it when people say "I need" or "I can't." The phrase "I need" usually means "I want to but I just don't feel like it right now." The phrase "I can't" ALWAYS means "I just don't want to." I try never to use that particular phrase.

On a happy note, my class is finally over! I'm pretty sure I got an "A" in it. I even did an exam for extra credit, even though I didn't really need to. Now I have the rest of the week to relax. I still have my Spanish class later this week, but I like that class. Good times, good times.

What kind of kisser are you?

You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Alcohol is so evil

This weekend was an interesting weekend. And by interesting, I mean I spent all day today recovering from a hangover for the first time in four years. Saturday night Kim was planning to come over so that we could catch up on all of our Nip/Tuck episodes for this season (great show, by the way). She came over and brought a friend from work with her. His name is Evans and he seemed like a nice guy. He was cute and funny, blah, blah, blah. She had talked about maybe setting me up with him before, but I have a feeling she wants to keep him for herself even though she's still with Dave. Of course she did say that she is considering leaving him. Anyway, she also brought Adrian, who was as adorable as always.

Kim, Evans, and I managed to watch one out of four of our Nip/Tuck episodes before we decided to go get some dinner. We went to this barbecue place that was pretty good and then we did a bad thing and let Kim talk us into drinking. I had Everclear that I had bought in Mexico and had yet to open back at home. We decided to buy some orange juice on the way home to mix with the stuff. This stuff is like 98% alcohol and is illegal to sell in 48 states. You are not supposed to drink the stuff straight. Apparently, it tastes like fire. We go home, make our drinks, and it doesn't take long to get a good buzz going on. We put Adrian to sleep and the three of us get pretty drunk. We're all very giggly and dizzy and stumbling around. It was kind of funny. Kim decided to actually drink a shot of Everclear and she got really sick. We also spilled several drinks on the floor in our clumsiness. I'm surprised that we got so drunk because it seemed as if more orange juice and alcohol ended up on my floor than in our bodies. But the stuff is strong. I didn't really fall asleep until nearly 3 (damn alcohol did not help my insomnia) and then Adrian kept waking up in the middle of the night crying. None of us got much sleep. He woke up for good around 6 or so and I woke up around 7. Adrian was way too awake. I was still dizzy and Kim was sick. Kim and Evans left around 8 and I went back to bed.

I woke up after 11 and I had the headache from hell. Not quite a migraine, but still painful. Then of course my sister came over around 1:30 screeching as usual. I think that was my punishment for drinking. I took some aspirin though and that seemed to help. My sister did manage to piss me off though. I know, I know. Big surprise. First of all, we were talking about her wedding and the subject came up of what I was going to wear. Apparently, it is bad etiquette to wear white to a wedding. I was not aware of that rule. I've worn white to a wedding before. The point is that she forbid me from wearing white to her wedding. Can you believe that? She said that she would never forgive me if I did. Who tells their guests what colors they can and not wear? But I did point out to her that technically, she wasn't even supposed to be wearing white to the wedding herself. I mean, really. Me wearing white would not take any attention away from her. Whatever.

Also, we started talking about the fact that Kim and I were drinking last night. She doesn't approve of the fact that she was doing that while Adrian was with us. But he was perfectly safe and he was actually asleep while we were drinking. And the whole reason she slept over was because she didn't want to drink and drive. We weren't doing anything wrong or illegal. At least, I didn't think so. I guess she was implying that Kim was a bad mother. That's funny. I should have pointed out that Jenifer is the one who is smoking, even though she's pregnant. What kind of mother is that? The only reason I didn't point that out is because Dad was there and he isn't "supposed" to know that she smokes (he does). She is a liar. She is also the world's biggest hypocrite. Oy. I don't think I can take her crap much longer.

HPV Vaccine

I went to the doctor today for my final treatment regarding my symptoms. The doctor has said that my symptoms have completely cleared up. I still have some scar tissue from the treatments and I'm not really sure when that's going to heal, but other than that I'm fine. Hopefully, I'll start to feel like a human being again soon. Maybe I'll even feel like dating again eventually. But right now, I'm still enjoying being alone I think. As strange as that sounds.

So I have heard and read numerous things regarding an HPV vaccine that is being developed by the FDA. Unfortunately, it looks like it will only do any good to those who do not yet have HPV and to young girls who are not yet sexually active. Of course there are religious groups already who are protesting the development of this vaccine because they feel that if you give it to 12 or 13 year old girls, then you are basically giving them permission to engage in premarital sex. Some feel that 12 or 13 is too young to be talking to kids about sex.

Here are my feelings regarding this very controversial subject. I feel that regardless of whether you are going to wait until you're married to have sex or not, you are too young to have sex when you are a teenager and in high school. You're just not mature enough to handle it at that age. However, I believe that you should begin talking to kids about sex when they are 9 or 10 and you should teach them about safe sex. . . not just abstinence. Here's why. If you wait until they reach puberty (as most parents do), they have so much going on in their brains that they can't hear you, nor do they want to. Also, they have probably already received so much misinformation from their friends and from movies about sex that they don't know what is what. Some 16 year olds may have even had sex, but their parents are just burying their heads in the sand. The sad fact is that most parents don't teach their kids about sex. They say: "Don't do it" and that's it. The problem with this is what most kids consider abstinence. Let's say that the kids actually do refrain from having sex (it could happen). A lot of them still engage in oral. But since they have received no safe sex education, they don't realize that they can get STD's from this. Some women don't know that you can get pregnant during or right after your period. Of course, you can. Believe me. That's why abstinence-only education doesn't work. Thanks to George Bush, that's pretty much all that is taught. Parents do not help.

Young girls need this HPV vaccine and they need to be talked to about sex earlier than 13. You can get HPV, even if you don't have intercourse. You can get it from skin-to-skin contact or by oral sex. Besides, what happens if the girls get married and their husband is a cheating bastard? I know someone who got it that way so it happens. This is the most common STD in the world and the most common cause of cervical cancer in women. Men can carry this disease for years and not even know they have it until they give it to a woman because they have no visible symptoms. It's very important that we vaccinate against this if we can. It's just sad that if the vaccine does survive FDA approval, that there are a lot of parents who won't give their daughters this vaccine because they are scared they will give their children ideas. I can't wait to have children. Oh wait. . . yes, I can.

Update on my sister

My sister has now set a wedding date: November 12th. She is in the process of doing her invitations and it is going to be a really small wedding. . . like 50 people if you can call that small. I'm not really that excited about the wedding. Actually, I'm rather neutral about the whole thing and don't really care that much. But everyone there is going to be married or with someone. I'm sure that people will be pressuring me on why I'm not with someone. It's my family, for crying out loud. I have to get a good answer as to why I'm still single. I don't mind being single, but my family sure does.

My sister did find out that she's 6 weeks pregnant. Here's what I do care about and what pisses me off. She's still smoking. She said that she's quitting after she finishes the pack that she's currently smoking. That's crap. She also said that she was going to quit about two days after she found out she was pregnant. I tried to tell her that smoking was bad for the baby, but she doesn't care. I don't understand how someone can continue smoking, even though they know the dangers to the baby. It just goes to show how selfishe is. I don't mean to sound judgemental, but I think it's a sign that she lacks the ability to put her child's needs above her own.

I love weddings

This weekend was a great weekend although it started a little rocky. I had to drive myself to the airport on Friday and search for parking. Lines were a mess and I was afraid I would miss my flight. I didn't need that mess. Anyway, I finally make it on the plane and I heave a huge sigh of relief. I call Luke (not the one getting married) to let him know what time I'll be arriving, although I wasn't really sure he cared. We left the gate and began down the runway. Our flight was supposed to leave at 1:45. Apparently, that wasn't going to happen because the pilot came over the loudspeaker to let us know that we were #15 in line for take-off and there is about ten minutes in between each plane to take-off. Big delays.

Anyway, I was exhausted from my long day and my stupid doctor's appointment so I fall asleep. I was drifting in and out of consciousness when the disembodied voice of the pilot came over the speakers again to let us know that apparently one of the passengers did not feel comfortable flying into D.C. so we were turning around and taking him back to the gate. Everyone was very confused and a little irritated. We didn't know what was going on. The guy who got off the plane was in his early 20's and he didn't look sick or anything. It turns out that he was an Orthodox Jew and he's not supposed to travel after sundown on Fridays. Because of the delay, he was worried that he wouldn't make it. When he got off the plane, security protocol dictated that the flight attendants search the plane for bombs and they made sure every bag had its owner, etc. So we didn't take off until nearly 3:30. What really pissed me off was the fact that there was this woman behind me who went off on the guy and said he should be arrested and banned from ever flying that airline again. What the hell? She said that he had a "lack of intelligence." She also said that it was "these people" who refused to fight in the military because they're too religious. Now who has the lack of intelligence? Aren't we supposed to respect other people's beliefs in this country? I wanted to turn around and tell her what I thought about her viewpoints, especially since she was teaching all these things to her teenage son. But then I realized that if this guy has a right to his religious beliefs, then she has every right to be a bigot. To each his own, I guess.

After I finally got to D.C., things got much better. I hung out in my hotel room that night. The next day was the wedding and it was so beautiful and sweet. Luke and Laura are such a sweet couple it makes my teeth hurt. They are my role models. I know if anyone can survive the 70% divorce rate, they can. :) The ceremony was very short and then it was on to a reception with great food, great dancing, and an open bar. We did the Electric Slide and the Macarena, which I haven't done since high school. It was so great. I saw people I haven't seen in years, so I was happy about that. I saw Luke, who I haven't seen in months and months. He hasn't changed much. Same old, same old. I guess I'll see all of them again at the next wedding. Maybe it'll be mine in five years. After the wedding, we went back to the hotel to change clothes and then we all went downtown to hang out with the happy couple for a few hours. I had a fabulous time with them. I wish I could have seen more of D.C., but that was a little hard considering when I got there. Oh well. . . someday.

It was nice to get away. During the wedding and everything, I actually managed to get my mind off of everything that was going on. Now I feel like I need another vacation or break or distraction or something. If I could afford it, I'd go visit Cindy again. I don't know. Maybe Christmas or New Year's. Luke isn't visiting me anymore so I guess I can. I want to go somewhere, but I'm not sure. Maybe I'll stay here, but when class ends I'll just lock myself in my apartment and pretend I'm on vacation. No phones, no outside contact. I'll even take time off from work, buy plenty of groceries and not go anywhere. Doesn't that sound nice?

Well I'm tired now and must hit the sack. Actually, my version of hitting the sack now includes tossing and turning for a solid hour before falling into a restless sleep. But I guess I have to do that, too.

Busy, busy, busy,

I know it's been a while since my last post and I'm sorry. I've been so crazed with classes and working for my dad. I've also gotten addicted to the Will and Grace trivia game that's on the lifetime website. I know it seems stupid, but it's fun and I've gotten good at it. I've worked my way up from #5 to 2nd place. Woo-hoo! Believe me, that took a lot of hard work. Whatever, it took my mind off of stuff. My depression is better since I am keeping myself busy although I still have a small case of insomnia. So I am tired a lot. I've been trying to exercise a lot more. Last week, I was exercising like a fool. This week, I've been slacking a little bit because I've been so busy. School has been going okay although I really don't like my professor. She's nice enough. She's just so boring and she rambles so much. I hate that. But I did get an A on that take home exam that I was stressing out about. Woo-hoo! I was very excited about that. I have a presentation next week that I'm a little worried about. But I'm sure I'll be fine. And thank goodness the class will be over in about two weeks.

Right now, I am packing for Laura's wedding in D.C. I am so excited. Tomorrow is going to be so busy considering the fact that I have yet another doctor's appointment right before I have to leave for the airport. I really don't know how many more of these treatments I'm going to have to have, but I hope it ends soon. I'm just looking forward to seeing my favorite Laura and my favorite Luke finally tie the knot. Yay for them.

Untitled Post

I was so lazy that I decided not to give this post a name. I do have news. My crazy, nutty sister is pregnant. . . again. WTF?? No one is really happy about this. . . except maybe my stupid sister and her stupid boyfriend. She has a nine month old baby and her boyfriend already has a kid who will be three in January. Of course they're talking about getting married even though they've only been together for one month. Seriously. . . one month! Don't get me wrong, I'm going to love the baby because it's not the baby's fault that it's mother is an idiot. But my sister is going to be on welfare for the rest of her life.

My sister and I actually started working for my dad this week. He bought back a portion of his garbage company from the company that he sold it to because they couldn't handle it. We both work from home. I answer phones two days a week and Jenifer does it three days a week (apparently she needs money more than I do). My dad is only paying us $6 an hour. Even though I do have bills to pay, I'm not totally desperate for money. I tried to tell her that she should try to get a job that pays better than $6 an hour. She started going on an on about the price of day care, blah, blah, blah. Forget the fact that millions of mothers do it and she would have her boyfriend helping her. She just doesn't want to do any job that involves her getting out of the house. Whatever. She can do whatever the hell she wants to do with her life. That's what I told my grandmother. Frankly, I'm tired of everyone treating her like a child. Someone should force her to grow up. She'll find out how far $6 an hour will go anyway. I have better things to worry about than my sister's life. I have my own problems.

Speaking of which, I have to find health insurance. Fast. I have a prescription to fill and a doctor's appointment this Friday. My regular insurance expired last Friday and I signed up for COBRA. But it's really expensive and I won't even get covered by it until I get my bill and pay, which won't be for another week. This Friday will be my second in a series of treatments for my stupid virus. I have to go back once a week every week for the next month, or until the symptoms are cleared up. Doesn't that sound fun? It's painful and uncomfortable and I hate that it's taking so damn long.

And I think I did something really stupid. I made the mistake of telling my sister about the fact that I have HPV. She said that she wouldn't tell anyone and I foolishly believed her. She actually told me that she has herpes. I'm pretty sure she told my grandmother. That pisses me off. The reason I suspect is because when I told my grandmother that I was going to the gynecologist, she said, "You don't have an STD, do you?" Why on earth would she ask that just because I'm going to the gynecologist? I know that I revealed the fact that I have HPV to everyone online, but I really don't want my family to know. They're very judgmental. It's funny that perfect strangers have been supportive, but I'm terrified of what my family would say. There are people I know that haven't really had the best reactions either. . . mainly, nonexistent. I could reveal Jenifer's secret, too but let's face it. I'm not a horrible human being. I'm going to be a better person than her.

Okay, so that's my life right now. So much excitement. On the upside, I feel great from two great workouts today.

Interesting Fact

I heard an interesting statistic the other day. I'm sitting in Human Development class and we're discussing marriage. . . my favorite topic. And in case you can't miss the sarcasm, don't worry. It's there. My professor was talking about something that she had heard. We all know that over half of all marriages end in divorce. That's not really anything new. Do you want to know the really staggering fact? 93% of all people who stay married are unhappy. Can you believe that? 93%?? That's unbelievable! Why do these people stay married? Is it fear of being alone For the sake of the children? Frankly, I think both of those reasons are crap. If you stay together for the sake of the children, the only thing that you are teaching them is that you should remain unhappy and keep all of your emotions hid. Great lesson. This guy I know, Luke, says that he believes human beings are incapable of monogamy and that humans are incapable of staying with the same person for the rest of their lives. I guess I'm an optimist because I think that's just a load of crap. But then again, he's a man so I guess he's supposed to say things like that.

There are couples who have been together for practically forever, which I've always found comforting. Now, I'm just thinking. . . are they happy? I guess if you've been with someone for 40 years, why would you want to split up and start over with someone else? Dating is exhausting and hard. I swear, it feels like I'm going to be single forever, especially if I marry someone who thinks like Luke. My family keeps hinting that I'm going to be single forever. They probably think that I will since I'm not married already. Yeah, I should be just like my family. Every single person in my family (with the exception of my grandparents) married when they were in their late teens and early twenties and then divorced barely ten years later (if that). Why should I be in a hurry to follow their path? So I guess my two options are two get married and divorced or get married, stay married, and be miserable. Wow. Can't wait.