A Need for Antidepressants?
When a tin of cookies reduces you to tears, is that a hint that something is wrong? I know it seems weird, but it's probably just a sign of my impending emotional breakdown. Eventually, I believe that I will have to be committed to a mental institution.
In case anyone is keeping score, I am still quite depressed. It's not getting better. It's getting worse, actually. Half the time I feel like I'm just going through the motions with everything and I feel like a zombie. I fell off the wagon and I'm back on caffeine. I've been pigging out on junk food to ease the pain. Believe me, it doesn't help. I'm like an alcoholic, but with food. And I've gained a couple of pounds. Probably because I lack the energy or the motivation to exercise. I did go to the gym the other day on my way to school, but I couldn't make myself get out of my car. That was weird. I spent time with my sister while my mom was out of town because I didn't want to be alone. I'm not scared to be alone. But being alone means I think. And thinking is bad. I'm so depressed that I actually considered not attending Laura's wedding. There are just going to be so many people there. But I already sent out the RSVP card telling her yes and besides, I wouldn't miss her wedding for anything. So don't worry Laura. I'll be there and I'll force myself to put a smile on my face. I've actually considered going to a psychiatrist and going on antidepressants, but I really don't want to go that route. Even though I'm a psych major, I don't really believe in the use of drugs except as a last resort.
Most of my friends know the cause of my depression and they've been great. Most of them anyway. It's been really hard to try to deal with my diagnosis and try to stay healthy. How the hell am I supposed to stay healthy anyway? The nurse wasn't really clear on that part. I've had to adjust to things and try different medications to get rid of the symptoms I do have, none of which are working. If this medication I'm using now doesn't work, then I may have to go to the doctor to have this painful surgery type thing done. I have to give this medication at least 16 weeks to work first. Joy. Is it any wonder I'm depressed? Seth tells me not to think about it. Easy for him to say. He doesn't have this huge diagnosis hanging over his head that's going to effect the rest of his life. I'm just not adjusting very well. I haven't told my family, even though they can kind of tell something is wrong. I feel kind of guilty about that, but I really can't deal with their reaction right now. I can barely deal with my own reaction.
I did decide to take a break from dating. I can't deal with relationships right now on top of everything else. Apparently, that's a great pick-up line. There is a guy who wants to go out with me. I told him I wasn't dating anyone. Then he suggested that maybe we get together for casual sex instead. Um, I'm not doing that either. Besides, he lives a couple of hours away from me. I told him I wasn't driving all that way just for a couple of hours of sex. Has he seen the price of gas? He said that he would give me money for gas or take me to dinner or something. Maybe it's just me, but that would seem a little like prostitution or something. Whatever. Men. That's all they ever think about.
Speaking of the price of gas, our prices have gone down slightly thanks to our Governor. I hate to compliment him since he is a Republican and all. But after Hurricane Katrina, he did suspend the sales tax on gas so that the state wouldn't benefit from the sudden rise in gas prices. That's going to be in effect until the end of September and that will save us some money, thank goodness. Of course, after the hurricane there was this stupid rumor that we were going to run out of gas. The governor told us that we weren't and to just go about our normal routine. Did the stupid southerners around here listen? No. They flocked to the gas stations to fill up their cars, even if they had plenty of gas. People waited hours in line for gas. Because of that, there were a couple of gas stations that did run out of gas. Idiots. Some members of my family apparently think that the people of New Orleans are nothing but losers and thugs and the entire city should just be bombed. That's actually a quote. Also, the crime rate is probably going to increase in Texas because of the refugees that have gone there. Oh, please. Have they seen the crime statistics in Atlanta? Probably not. I'm sure my family would rather not have the hundreds of refugees in our shelters that we do have, but we do. My family drives me nuts.
I am so tired. Haven't been sleeping well. Maybe I should get some sleeping pills or something. But then again, I'm not sure I need anymore drugs.
In case anyone is keeping score, I am still quite depressed. It's not getting better. It's getting worse, actually. Half the time I feel like I'm just going through the motions with everything and I feel like a zombie. I fell off the wagon and I'm back on caffeine. I've been pigging out on junk food to ease the pain. Believe me, it doesn't help. I'm like an alcoholic, but with food. And I've gained a couple of pounds. Probably because I lack the energy or the motivation to exercise. I did go to the gym the other day on my way to school, but I couldn't make myself get out of my car. That was weird. I spent time with my sister while my mom was out of town because I didn't want to be alone. I'm not scared to be alone. But being alone means I think. And thinking is bad. I'm so depressed that I actually considered not attending Laura's wedding. There are just going to be so many people there. But I already sent out the RSVP card telling her yes and besides, I wouldn't miss her wedding for anything. So don't worry Laura. I'll be there and I'll force myself to put a smile on my face. I've actually considered going to a psychiatrist and going on antidepressants, but I really don't want to go that route. Even though I'm a psych major, I don't really believe in the use of drugs except as a last resort.
Most of my friends know the cause of my depression and they've been great. Most of them anyway. It's been really hard to try to deal with my diagnosis and try to stay healthy. How the hell am I supposed to stay healthy anyway? The nurse wasn't really clear on that part. I've had to adjust to things and try different medications to get rid of the symptoms I do have, none of which are working. If this medication I'm using now doesn't work, then I may have to go to the doctor to have this painful surgery type thing done. I have to give this medication at least 16 weeks to work first. Joy. Is it any wonder I'm depressed? Seth tells me not to think about it. Easy for him to say. He doesn't have this huge diagnosis hanging over his head that's going to effect the rest of his life. I'm just not adjusting very well. I haven't told my family, even though they can kind of tell something is wrong. I feel kind of guilty about that, but I really can't deal with their reaction right now. I can barely deal with my own reaction.
I did decide to take a break from dating. I can't deal with relationships right now on top of everything else. Apparently, that's a great pick-up line. There is a guy who wants to go out with me. I told him I wasn't dating anyone. Then he suggested that maybe we get together for casual sex instead. Um, I'm not doing that either. Besides, he lives a couple of hours away from me. I told him I wasn't driving all that way just for a couple of hours of sex. Has he seen the price of gas? He said that he would give me money for gas or take me to dinner or something. Maybe it's just me, but that would seem a little like prostitution or something. Whatever. Men. That's all they ever think about.
Speaking of the price of gas, our prices have gone down slightly thanks to our Governor. I hate to compliment him since he is a Republican and all. But after Hurricane Katrina, he did suspend the sales tax on gas so that the state wouldn't benefit from the sudden rise in gas prices. That's going to be in effect until the end of September and that will save us some money, thank goodness. Of course, after the hurricane there was this stupid rumor that we were going to run out of gas. The governor told us that we weren't and to just go about our normal routine. Did the stupid southerners around here listen? No. They flocked to the gas stations to fill up their cars, even if they had plenty of gas. People waited hours in line for gas. Because of that, there were a couple of gas stations that did run out of gas. Idiots. Some members of my family apparently think that the people of New Orleans are nothing but losers and thugs and the entire city should just be bombed. That's actually a quote. Also, the crime rate is probably going to increase in Texas because of the refugees that have gone there. Oh, please. Have they seen the crime statistics in Atlanta? Probably not. I'm sure my family would rather not have the hundreds of refugees in our shelters that we do have, but we do. My family drives me nuts.
I am so tired. Haven't been sleeping well. Maybe I should get some sleeping pills or something. But then again, I'm not sure I need anymore drugs.
2 Comments:
Blog is informative . Dont't stop. Here's the resolve a lot of people are searching for; how to buy & sell jeep cherokee on interest free credit; pay whenever you want.
It's nice to hear from you again, blogwise. I can't pretend to understand what you're feeling, but I know you'll get through it.
Friends & family are there for that exact reason.. nobody should go through emotional and physical trauma alone.
I've not heard many people put down the people in New Orleans, but I'm not surprised your family has. It's sad. Keep smiling, I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
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