In a haze

I'm walking around in kind of a haze today. I'm not exactly sure why. I do know that my throat is extremely sore. It doesn't really hurt to talk, but it hurts to swallow. I hope I'm not coming down with something. A sore throat is the last thing that a person in my profession needs. But this is the second day that it's been hurting. I was actually thinking that it might be a sign of a misdiagnosis by the doctor and a sign that I have something else. But then I just labeled that for what it was: a classic case of denial. That's kind of what I'm in right now.

I haven't talked to John in several days. I'm trying not to let that get to me since we've only had two dates so he really doesn't owe me anything. And I know he's been working these overnight shifts, which must be a killer. He had told me that we wouldn't be able to see each other during the week that he's working that shift or have three hour conversations, but I didn't realize that we wouldn't speak at all. I did e-mail him yesterday and asked him how the overnight shifts were going and blah, blah, blah. It was short and sweet. He e-mailed me back and said that he can't really have an intelligent conversation during the day and blah, blah. He didn't say much. And he said that he would talk to me sometime soon. I don't know what that means, but I'm just going to do my thing. I have a lot to do this week anyway, what with registering for this Spanish class, working, and getting ready for this garage sale that I'm participating in on Saturday.

I'm not sure if John is seeing anyone else. He said he wasn't last time I asked him, but I think he might be looking now. Of course he doesn't owe me anything since we've only been on two dates. I'm just going to take things slow with him and see where it goes. Maybe it's too early, but I don't really want to see anyone else. I didn't really feel a connection with any of the other guys that I went out with, so am I supposed to go out with them again just because John may be seeing other girls? Besides, starting in September my schedule is going to be mad busy with work, class, and volunteering. I'm not going to have the time to have a whole rotation of guys. I don't want that anyway. Not anymore.

My life has been so complicated recently, but I do hope things work out with John. I'm just afraid to get my hopes up. If he does actually contact me for a third date and if things continue moving forward, I'm just afraid something's going to screw it up. I really wish I knew what to do.