Nightmares
Yesterday was my first day of my new job and it went fairly smoothly. Not that I expected any less. I did have nightmares the night before though. I had a dream that there was a man at the shelter and that he set fire to two of the residents (as well as himself). When I tried to call 911, the phone wouldn't work and the call didn't go through for some reason. So I just left the man who had set the fire passed out in the office for hours. It was very weird and disturbing. Nothing like that would ever happen here. Wait. . . did I just jinx myself? Dammit.
I've been feeling a lot of anger towards people lately. I'm really not sure why. And I kind of feel like pushing everyone away. I was thinking that I have valid reason for not wanting to have a relationship with Kim anymore. Then I was thinking that I would stop seeing my family so much because they're pissing me off. Then I just realized that I was kind of pushing everyone away and I'm at a loss as to the reason. Being a psych major, I'm definitely interested.
I am a little annoyed with Kim right now. I believe she's back together with Dave again, but has she told me? No. I mean, I'm supposedly her best friend and she doesn't share this with me. We had a conversation (i.e. fight) just two weeks ago about how she had gotten back together with him three times in the past and never told me. She apologized, said it wasn't intentional, blah, blah, blah. Friday, he came over and spent the night. I would have been gone, but I had a horrible migraine so I was stuck. Of course they fought. Do they ever do anything else? And she barely talked to me the entire time he was there. Did she even say anything about the fight? No. I guess I was more annoyed than mad. It really wasn't that much of a surprise. I was just thinking, "Oh great here they go again and I'm too sick to escape this craziness." I really don't like how she is when she's with him. She's whiny and she nags a lot, she's manipulative, she starts fights for pretty much the pettiest reasons ever, etc. It's just ridiculous and I just don't think I can take much more of it. It's not easy to even consider letting a 6-year friendship go and I don't like to be "that friend" who turns her back on a friend who's making bad choices. But this has gone on for far too long and she doesn't even treat me with respect while she's with him. Oy. I know I'm saying I'm not angry, but maybe I am deep down. The reason that I think this is because she has been annoying the crap out of me lately. I mean, every little thing she does just irritates the hell out of me. It's such a dilemma.
Okay, so I am on my first overnight shift at the moment at the shelter. My boss called me earlier because someone called in sick. I'm working 11 to 7, then I have to work at 9 tomorrow and go to Spanish class tomorrow night. Man, I wish my body would let me have caffeine. I have a feeling I'm going to need it. It gets pretty quiet around here anyway. I have some work to do, but not much and I may lay my head down for like 10 minutes to get a catnap. Otherwise, I am so going to be dead to the world tomorrow.
I've been feeling a lot of anger towards people lately. I'm really not sure why. And I kind of feel like pushing everyone away. I was thinking that I have valid reason for not wanting to have a relationship with Kim anymore. Then I was thinking that I would stop seeing my family so much because they're pissing me off. Then I just realized that I was kind of pushing everyone away and I'm at a loss as to the reason. Being a psych major, I'm definitely interested.
I am a little annoyed with Kim right now. I believe she's back together with Dave again, but has she told me? No. I mean, I'm supposedly her best friend and she doesn't share this with me. We had a conversation (i.e. fight) just two weeks ago about how she had gotten back together with him three times in the past and never told me. She apologized, said it wasn't intentional, blah, blah, blah. Friday, he came over and spent the night. I would have been gone, but I had a horrible migraine so I was stuck. Of course they fought. Do they ever do anything else? And she barely talked to me the entire time he was there. Did she even say anything about the fight? No. I guess I was more annoyed than mad. It really wasn't that much of a surprise. I was just thinking, "Oh great here they go again and I'm too sick to escape this craziness." I really don't like how she is when she's with him. She's whiny and she nags a lot, she's manipulative, she starts fights for pretty much the pettiest reasons ever, etc. It's just ridiculous and I just don't think I can take much more of it. It's not easy to even consider letting a 6-year friendship go and I don't like to be "that friend" who turns her back on a friend who's making bad choices. But this has gone on for far too long and she doesn't even treat me with respect while she's with him. Oy. I know I'm saying I'm not angry, but maybe I am deep down. The reason that I think this is because she has been annoying the crap out of me lately. I mean, every little thing she does just irritates the hell out of me. It's such a dilemma.
Okay, so I am on my first overnight shift at the moment at the shelter. My boss called me earlier because someone called in sick. I'm working 11 to 7, then I have to work at 9 tomorrow and go to Spanish class tomorrow night. Man, I wish my body would let me have caffeine. I have a feeling I'm going to need it. It gets pretty quiet around here anyway. I have some work to do, but not much and I may lay my head down for like 10 minutes to get a catnap. Otherwise, I am so going to be dead to the world tomorrow.
3 Comments:
Hey girl, how are the migraines going? Does the caffeine make em worse? For me, it's a fine line, too much or too little caffeine sets them off. I sometimes get very depressed/pissy when I'm having them coming and going frequently. Docs don't know, but I think they affect our emotions a lot. Don't stress, just get through your long day, and know you can sleep when it's all done. I'll send happy, painless thoughts your way.
I can understand why you're feeling that way about Kim...I've been in a similar situation myself before, and it's not pretty...it becomes downright annoying and you wonder why you bothered wasting your time.
Hope all went well with the night shift and that your body copes with all those hours!
Hey,
My migraines are actually a little better. It may be the fact that I am trying to eat better and exercise more. Caffeine does set them off, but the funny thing is I never know when it will cause one. Sometimes I'll drink several glasses of whatever and be fine and then other times, one glass will cause one. I find that it's just easier to give it up cold turkey. And by easier, I mean it's hard as hell. Thanks for the concern. Not everyone can understand what migraines are like or how they can disrupt your life. But I know fellow migraine sufferers can!
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