Bingeing
Okay, let's try this stupid post again. I think even though bingeing is not officially considered an eating disorder, it probably should be. On Saturday night, I had an urge to binge and I've been having those urges a lot lately. I had a massive craving for Taco Bell. It was midnight and I assumed they were open. I was wrong. They had closed at 11:00! So disappointing. Wendy's was closed. Sonic was closed. So I decided to drive the twenty minutes to Winder for McDonald's because I knew that they had an all-night drive-thru and I had to binge on SOMETHING! Of course I was trying to find all this food even though I had tons of food in my house (but all of it was healthy, not binge-worthy at all!). When I got to Winder, I discovered that Wendy's was open and Taco Bell was open as well. Woo-hoo! Their drive-thru was actually open until 2:00 am. I never thought I would say it, but Winder, Georgia rocks. Seriously. So I bought tons of food and ate until I felt sick to my stomach.
That was really bad because I am trying to lose weight right now. For an entire month I was depressed and I did nothing but eat and sleep. Now I have an added 5 pounds and I have to nip that in the bud. It's a lot easier to lose 5 pounds than 15. So I'm trying to eat only 1100 calories a day (if that) and I'm exercising like a freakin maniac. I'm trying to exercise about two hours a day. My dad let me move his treadmill to my apartment once again so now I get to workout while I watch TV. Yay!
Sunday I spent the day with my dad, my sister, my nephew, and my sister's boyfriend. I took my dad out for his birthday and it was so exhausting to soend time with my sister as well. I mentioned the fact that I would be volunteering at the battered women's shelter and my dad made a really condescending remark. He said he didn't want to hear about it because I was just going to be babysitting. What the hell did that mean? I have no idea when my family lost their empathy, but they've lost it. I'm just wandering if it's even possible for my family to be supportive of my choices. I really don't think so. They weren't even supportive of my decision to go to grad school. I don't even want any of them to come to my grad school graduation because they didn't give me support. So basically there were about two people who were supportive of my decision (Kim and Seth), so I probably won't even go to my grad school graduation. But then again, if I don't make it through the class I'm in now, I may not graduate at all. Oy.
Well I've made the arrangements for Laura's wedding. The plane tickets have been bought, the hotel reservations have been made, and the gift has been purchased. I just have to figure out what to wear. Unfortunately, Cindy isn't coming. That kind of sucks. I was looking forward to seeing her. It won't be the same without her. I wish I could convince Cindy to save up money to fly to Georgia, but she's never going to do it. But I like it when people come visit me. Unfortunately, I'm never going to get her to get rid of this stereotype that she has of Georgia, though.
That was really bad because I am trying to lose weight right now. For an entire month I was depressed and I did nothing but eat and sleep. Now I have an added 5 pounds and I have to nip that in the bud. It's a lot easier to lose 5 pounds than 15. So I'm trying to eat only 1100 calories a day (if that) and I'm exercising like a freakin maniac. I'm trying to exercise about two hours a day. My dad let me move his treadmill to my apartment once again so now I get to workout while I watch TV. Yay!
Sunday I spent the day with my dad, my sister, my nephew, and my sister's boyfriend. I took my dad out for his birthday and it was so exhausting to soend time with my sister as well. I mentioned the fact that I would be volunteering at the battered women's shelter and my dad made a really condescending remark. He said he didn't want to hear about it because I was just going to be babysitting. What the hell did that mean? I have no idea when my family lost their empathy, but they've lost it. I'm just wandering if it's even possible for my family to be supportive of my choices. I really don't think so. They weren't even supportive of my decision to go to grad school. I don't even want any of them to come to my grad school graduation because they didn't give me support. So basically there were about two people who were supportive of my decision (Kim and Seth), so I probably won't even go to my grad school graduation. But then again, if I don't make it through the class I'm in now, I may not graduate at all. Oy.
Well I've made the arrangements for Laura's wedding. The plane tickets have been bought, the hotel reservations have been made, and the gift has been purchased. I just have to figure out what to wear. Unfortunately, Cindy isn't coming. That kind of sucks. I was looking forward to seeing her. It won't be the same without her. I wish I could convince Cindy to save up money to fly to Georgia, but she's never going to do it. But I like it when people come visit me. Unfortunately, I'm never going to get her to get rid of this stereotype that she has of Georgia, though.
2 Comments:
I've had a real craving for something sweet lately...the past few days actually. I'm going to have to do something about that shortly, or I'll end up hitting a sweet store at 3am in the morning. Not unlike you and your Taco Bell thing this week lol
When you complete your course (and I say when, because I have faith in you to see it out), then you will indeed go to your graduation!
Sometimes those closest to you can bring you down so quickly with just a look or one word. It sucks. But you started the course, now finish it out. There's a reason you chose to go back there to do that! If I was closer in proximity, I'd go to your graduation, probably just to say "I told ya" lol
Hang in there Cynthia, by all accounts, you're doing great. We all have days where we can't be stuffed making it happen. The days it happens are so much sweeter because of the hassles we've endured to get there!
*hugs*
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Lisa. I know I will make it through this course. Sometimes it just seems very overwhelming. And I'll definately have to go to my graduation. After all this hard work, I should go. I know I'll make it.
*hugs*
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