Realizations

So I was driving home from work battling rush hour traffic and listening to country music. I know, I know. I've been listening to my CD's a lot lately. I usually only listen to them when I'm depressed so it must have been the fact that I had all this tension still bottled up over Robert. I had gone from feeling depressed to feeling angry mostly. While I was searching profiles on the website that he and I originally met on, I came across his. It appears that he has updated his profile, complete with new pictures and everything. He even changed his screen name. So what happened to the fact that he was thinking about moving to Europe and he didn't need a relationship to complicate that decision? What a liar. I was even thinking about sending him an e-mail via that website letting him know that I knew he was a liar.

Then sometime during the drive on one of the many back roads of my stupid southern town, a calmness came over me and all the anger just left. I think I'm officially over him. Is it really important that I get the last word? Who really cares? He knows he's a liar. Does it really matter if he knows that I know? The important thing is that I know he is soooo not good enough for me. I was just thinking about all the times he blew me off or left me hanging or put me down during our relationship. Whatever good times we did have weren't worth that. I don't know why that realization all of a sudden hit me, but I feel like this huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I feel happier than I have in months. . . happier than even before Robert and I broke up. That should tell you something, right?

I think I am still going to take a small break from dating though. Just because I want to reevaluate my priorities and take a look at what mistakes I did make in the relationship. And there were some good things about Robert that attracted to me to him in the beginning. I just need to remember those and know that I would like any future boyfriends to have those in the future. But I have to remember the negative qualities that Robert had so I can run as fast and as far as I can if a guy shows them in the future. But I know that when I do decide to date again, I will eventually find a guy who treats me the way I deserve to be treated.

In the meantime, I'm going to focus on myself and my goals. I'm going to take some quality "me" time. I think I deserve it. But wait. . . this whole no dating thing. . . does that mean I can't have sex either?