Binger's Remorse

I think I'm going to be sick. Yes, now I feel depressed and nauseous. Wonderful. I started out the day with pancakes at McDonald's because I've had a pancake craving for days actually. For dinner, I hit Hardee's for one of their legendary Thickburgers and some of their curly fries. For those of you who don't know, their burgers are delicious and have about 3 times the calories of other fast food restaurants. I have not eaten one in well over a year because. . . . well because I have grown to care about my arteries. But fuck 'em. I really don't care right now. My stomach has actually been alternating between feeling sick and hungry all day. I know it's because of the food that I've been eating for the past three days. My body is not used to eating all this crap. For the last year and a half, I've been eating barely 1000 calories a day with only the occasional splurge and I've suddenly given my stomach an overload in a very short period of time. Depression is not good for my stomach.

I know I'm pathetic, but I can't stop thinking about Robert. I'm remembering every detail of every second we spent together. And there were a lot of seconds. Mornings were my favorite. . . it was nice waking up with him. It was nice hanging out with him and watching stupid TV shows with him or sharing Chinese food with him. I really wish I could just forget him. It would be so much easier. He's always on my mind. It doesn't matter that deep down I know he wasn't the one for me and it's better this way. My heart hasn't caught quite caught up with my head yet. The worst part is that I am thisclose to actually calling him or something. I know, I know. Crazy. He said we could do this whole "just friends" thing and he told me that if I wanted to call him or e-mail him, I could. But I know that it's going to be that much harder to get over him if I hear his voice, right? I wish I had someone here to physically restrain me from calling him.

My big question is. . . . should I go ahead and start dating again? I've already received a couple of e-mails from guys on match.com since I updated my profile. One of them actually sounds pretty interesting. A part of me says that maybe I'm not ready to jump into a relationship just yet. But then another part of me says that maybe I could just e-mail the guy and take it slow. . . . just see where it goes. I have no idea.

I think I'll have a piece of chocolate cake. That'll clear things up. Oy.