Crazy Talk

Has it really been that long?

2008-05-07T23:25:00.002-04:00

Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted since December! What the hell is wrong with me? Seriously though, I have gotten so busy and wrapped up in my own little world. I will try to catch everyone up.

There are now 137 days until my wedding (September 21). Crazy, isn't it? I have moved in with Boy Wonder and I actually feel like an adult now. I can't believe I'm going to be married soon. Moving in with Boy Wonder hasn't actually been all bad. If you can believe it, we actually fight less since we've been living together. Wedding plans have kept me pretty busy. I don't think I realized how much work they were going to require. But most of the big things have been taken care of. The venue has been reserved, the photographer is booked, the florist is booked, the save the dates have been sent out. I even have my wedding dress already! Next step is invitations and bridesmaid dresses. I think it actually became real when I saw myself in a dress and veil. I got a little teary eyed. I turned 28 years old on Saturday. I don't feel any older, just more tired.

In other news, I am trying my best to lose weight the HEALTHY way. I have joined a site (sparkpeople.com). They are pretty good about telling me how many calories I need to eat to still lose weight and I have been tracking my food pretty regularly. I've lost almost 5 pounds since I started using the site. Up until a few weeks ago, I was getting migraines just about every time I worked out, which pissed me off. But I discovered that the problem was dehydration. Now I'm drinking 8-10 cups of water a day and I haven't had any other problems. Yay! Now I exercise like a madwoman. I do have a blog on sparkpeople if anyone wants to check me out there. I am under the username "writer053ga."

The main reason I have been out of commission in the blogging community so long is because my computer is messed up. I have been using Boy Wonder's, but I don't have any of my bookmarks. So I haven't even been able to read anyone's blog. If any of my readers are still reading this occasionally, feel free to leave the link for your blog on my comments section. That would really help me out a lot.

Great News!

2007-12-13T08:09:00.000-05:00

It's been kind of a whirlwind of activity lately, which is why I really haven't had time to post. First of all, I have officially graduated from grad school. Seems kind of surreal, but I am an actual adult out in the real world now. Yikes. I have been working at the site where I've been doing my internship. I love counseling those sex offenders. Seriously, it's been great. Just really busy.

And now for the big news . . . I'm engaged! Woo-hoo! Boy Wonder asked me on Saturday night. It was wonderful and completely unexpected (well maybe not completely). We had gone to the Biltmore House in Asheville, NC as a graduation present. It was nice to get away for a few days and relax a little. It was at night before we were leaving the property. We had taken the Candlelight Christmas tour and before we left, we stopped by this pond on the property. He said we were just stopping to make out, which was fine with me. I'll spare you the sappy details, but he asked me to marry him! And after a few careful seconds of consideration, I decided to say yes. The ring is beautiful. It's a sapphire. I've always wanted a sapphire engagement ring. After the propsal, I couldn't stop looking at it. I kept looking down to make sure it was there. I'm just so unbelievably happy. I just can't believe I'm a french word now . . . I'm someone's fiancee. Isn't that crazy?

So I've only been engaged since Saturday and I'm already getting obsessed with the details. I feel like there is so much to do. Last night we did set a date. It's set for September 20th, 2008. We still have to pick a place and everything. But now that we've done that (and gotten a rough head count with a guest list), it should be easier. We're going to register later this month and I'm totally looking forward to that.

I guess that's it for now. Just wanted to let everyone know how incredibly happy I am.

Rough Week

2007-11-14T20:58:00.000-05:00

This week has been kind of a rough one. I've been distracted and I don't think I've been much help to my clients. Today I did have two new clients, which I found interesting. I had an adolescent client and a female client. I've never had an adolescent client before, so this should be interesting. He seemed like a likeable kid. I met his parents and stepmother in the first session. He's only fifteen years old. He seems nice and a bit shy. Very low self confidence apparently. But then again, don't all teenagers have that problem? I'm a little nervous about working with him. The rules are different with him than they are with all my other clients. The rules of confidentialy are different, of course. And my language has to be a bit different. I can't just assume he has all the knowledge about sex that my adult clients have. Just because he's a sex offender does not mean he knows everything there is to know about sex. His vocabulary is going to be different too. Of course, I have other (adult) clients who sometimes act as if their mental growth was pretty much stunted at age thirteen. Anyway, it will be a nice change of pace from my regular clients. That goes for the femal client as well. I don't necessarily consider her a predator by what she did (I'll save you the details), but there's still a lot of good stuff to work on. Keeps me on my toes to have to develop new sets of treatment plans for new types of clients that I've never dealt with before.

I'm having a hard time with my schedule. I just got a bunch of new clients that I will be taking over in a few weeks and my schedule will be pretty packed. The problem is that they have very fixed schedukes so I can't just move them to whatever time I want. So my days are getting pretty full and it's getting pretty hard to set aside time for me. It was relatively easy because of the downtime between clients to set aside time for me to work out or run errands or whatever. I'm feeling a little panicked. I will have to deal with it as it comes.

My boyfriend is gone . . .

2007-11-11T19:01:00.000-05:00

Boy Wonder left this afternoon for Germany. :(

I know that the week will be over before I know it. Right now, I'm just feeling a little sad. I feel like a part of myself is missing when he's gone. Sappy, I know.

By the way, the Thrashers are having a rough season. Seriously, what is up with them lately?

New blog alert

New Blog

2007-11-10T08:22:00.000-05:00

I have a new blog. Feel free to check it out. http://goodbyeed.blogspot.com/

Boy Wonder just got back from out of town yesterday and he is leaving again tomorrow for an entire week. He'll be going to Germany on business. I really hate all these business trips, but I guess I'm getting more used to them. This one might be a little more difficult because he'll be even further away and the calls will be less frequent.

That's about all that's going on with me right now. Actually, I have lots more but it's all in the other blog. I'll check in later. I promise.

I always knew GA was a natural disaster waiting to happen

2007-10-21T14:08:00.000-04:00

There'a a lot going on in my life right now, so I'm going to do my best to catch you guys up.

1. Apparently, GA's in a MAJOR drought and our esteemed governor has asked the President t declare the northern part of GA a natural disaster area. Why does this not surprise me? Drinking water may dry up in about 3 months. You can read all about it in this article. Seriously, send water if you can. Eh, I'll just drink sodas. And I am doing my part for the environment by refusing to wash my car. Haha.

2. I am soooooo done with school. I passed my comprehensive exam (that I needed to pass to graduate) and I have completed my last case presentation that was required for me to graduate (yes, I passed that as well). Saturday, I took my licensure exam. Provided I passed it (which I think I did), NO MORE EXAMS!!!! Graduation ceremony for grad school: November 30th. Let the graduation gifts begin please.

3. Good news: as of Wednesday, October 24th, I am no longer an intern. Great news: As of Thursday, October 25th, I will be an employee at the same location. Woo-hoo! I'm basically going to be a subcontractor. They will pay me by the client and they're going to pay for half of my health insurance, which I can live with. In a few weeks, I'll even have my own group to run. I'm terrified of running my own group therapy session, but excited at the same time.

4. Boy Wonder and I are doing wonderful. Yesterday, we did fight a little bit. But we actually seem to be on the right track and things are going great. I'm pretty damn happy. I just wish he didn't have to travel so much. In the last month, he's been gone for two of them. Just something I have to get used to. I love him, so I will.

5. I absolutely looooove the Atlanta Thrashers. For those of you who don't know, that's hockey. Also for those of you who don't know, they have won ONE game this entire season. I'm very bummed, but I'm NOT a fairweather fan so I'll stick by them. So far this season, they have fired their head coach and my favorite goalie is on the injured reserve list from yet another groin injury (that's what he gets for doing all those splits). The hockey all-stars are coming to Atlanta in January and Boy Wonder and I have our tickets. Everyone who doesn't can bite us. It's going to be a little difficult if you don't live in Georgia and if you don't have a season ticket package (which Boy Wonder and I do).

So that's my life right now. There may be something else I'm forgetting, but if it's important enough I'll let you know. I guess everything is coming together very nicely . . . you know, except for that whole pesky lack of water thing. Oh well, there's always something.

Anxiety

2007-09-02T17:20:00.000-04:00

Did you know that the New York Stock Exchange started as a coffee shop? True story . . .

I'm graduating November 30th and I'm not afraid to say that I am panicking more than a little bit. Right now, I am studying for a major comprehensive exam that I have to pass in order to even graduate. I've been studying every spare second I can. I mean it . . . every second. Boy Wonder was kind enough to buy me some lecture CD's to go along with my study guide. So I' studying even when I'm in my car. The scary thing is that when I'm not studying, my mind is literally racing with all of the things I'm trying to cram in there . . . dates, vocabulary, people, concepts, whatever. My exam is in thirteen days, so wish me luck.

I'm trying to update my resume and hopefully, I will be able to get a job. I'm looking. I may (and I really don't know yet), but I may be able to at least get a part-time job at the place where I'm doing my internship. We'll see about that. All I know is I am really tired of doing the secretary thing. I need a real job.

I am totally excited about this weekend. I am flying to Rochester to see one of my bestest buddies, Luke. Yay! It will be nice to relax a little and I will try my best not to study too much while I'm there. It will be really hard not to think in test question mode though. Apparently, everything I see reminds me of some counseling concept and then I start trying to quiz myself on everything related to that concept. It's nuts.

On another note, things are somewhat better between me and Boy Wonder. Therapy is helping me (a LOT) and we are starting to get back a lot of what we had. It's nice. He makes me happy. We still talk about our future and I'm sure we'll be married one day. I'm not in a huge rush though. I think I like where we are right now and I'm going to let myself enjoy that for a little whhile before worrying about the future.

No, I am not dead

2007-08-05T08:44:00.000-04:00

Did you know that the Yo-Yo originated as a weapon in the Philippine Islands during the sixteenth century? True story.

I guess all my loyal readers out there (like all 5 of you) probably thought I was dead or something. Nope, just really busy. Sounds like a lame excuse doesn't it? It's okay. You don't have to buy it if you don't want to. I wouldn't.

My internship is going well. They seem to like my work and maybe, just maybe, it will lead to a job post-graduation. Yeah, counseling sex offenders is a great life. And graduation is JUST AROUND THE CORNER! Can you believe it? I finish my internship in late October and my graduation ceremony will be in December. I finished my last class several weeks ago. I was soooooooo unbelievably happy when that happened. No more papers and tests and endless reading . . . . yada, yada, yada. I do have a couple BIG exams coming up though. One exam is one that I am required to pass in order to graduate. The other one, I need to pass to get Nationally Certified. Both of them are very important, needless to say. One exam is in September and the other one is in October. I have been studying for those. So I guess the studying never really ends. I'm a little worried about them, but not too much. Maybe I'll get more worried as time gets closer.

Boy Wonder and I are doing great (he says hi to the blogging community, by the way). We celebrated our 1 year anniversary a couple weeks ago. I can't believe it's been a year. We have had our problems, but dammit I love him.

I think that's about all of my life that you guys can handle for now . . . Hope you guys don't miss me too much before my next entry. I'll try not to make it too long before I write again.

Blah Blah Blah

2007-03-23T10:56:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it's been a while since my last post. I honestly haven't been in the mood to write at all. Lately, I've been feeling kind of. . . . depressed. And when I say kind of, I mean really depressed. Last weekend, I did not have the energy to get out of bed. I didn't want to do anything by lay in bed and stare at the TV. That's pretty much what I did. It's been kind of hard trying to get myself out of this mood. I know that I have a lot of things that I should be grateful for, and I am. Don't get me wrong. But for some reason, I've been feeling a massive amount of sadness for no reason at all. There are actually a couple of issues that I'm struggling with right now. I don't really want to talk about them yet because they are kind of personal. Those issues are factoring into this whole depression thing. I think it's frustrating for Boy Wonder because he has no idea how to help me and he just wants to make it better. He's a guy so he just wants to know how he can fix it. Of course he can't fix it. No one can really.

I did start seeing a therapist this week, so maybe that will help. She is so nice and I feel really comfortable with her. I have to admit that it's a little disconcerting to be on the other end of the couch, so to speak. I'm so used to expecting my clients to open up and reveal their deepest feelings and gain all this insight into their lives. Now I'm expected to do the same thing by someone else. I feel a little weird admitting that I'm a counselor who's going into counseling. I think some people expect us to be perfect and to never have any feelings or problems of their own. I know that I'm not perfect and it's a lot better to deal with my issues than to avoid them. I can't really lecture my own clients about why they shouldn't avoid dealing with their issues if I'm just doing the opposite of that.

I am getting more excited about the fact that school is almost over. My very last class ends in June. I finish my internship in October and I graduate in December. Woo-hoo! I am nervous and so excited about that. I'll be glad when classes end because right now, it seems like I'm running at 100 miles an hour. It'll be nice to slow down a little and take some "me"time.

Emotional Roller-coaster

2007-03-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

The only explanation for my lack of post lately has been a bad case of writer's block. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to write about. The last few weeks have been a little. . . emotional, hectic, stressful, etc. I've been dealing with my chaotic schedule of internship, work, work, and class and of course, Boy Wonder. To be honest, Boy Wonder and I have been having a few problems. Some of them have been my fault, some his, and some just plain miscommunication. It seems like we've been fighting a lot lately and I'm kind of at a loss as to how to fix it. They haven't really been serious fights. . . well, most of them anyway. I don't know if we've been fighting because I've been taking out my stress on him or maybe he's taking out some of his on me or maybe there are some miscommunication differences that we're trying to iron out or maybe we're in some weird transition period because we've been going out for half a year (7 months to be exact) and we're trying to. . . I really don't know what the hell it is we're trying to do. I do know that we are still in love and talking about marriage. He keeps telling me that he knows we're soulmates and I agree. There are just some personality conflicts that we have to work on. I have a few issues. I need to learn that he's not perfect and there are some things that I just have to let go. And he's a guy so he can hardly read my mind. But I love him. That's all that really matters. . . right? Bottom line is that we don't really have any issues that we can't work out and for that, I'm grateful.

My internship is going well. I'm still really enjoying the work. Believe it or not, I actually like all my sex offender clients, even the ones who refuse to talk to me because they think therapy is a big waste of time. Actually, there is one that I don't really care for. Yes, I know that it's weird that I actually like my clients. But sex offenders are very likeable people and most of them are trying in their own ways to get better. Client by client, I'm doing my part to make a difference.

This weekend I'm taking such a break from everything. I'm working the overnight shift tonight at the shelter and the rest of the time will be spent focusing on me. I already told Boy Wonder that I desperately needed some "me" time. I don't get much of that, between work and him. He totally understands. Sunday, Kim has tickets to a hockey game so that will be a lot of fun. I'm so excited to have a whole weekend devoted to relaxing, watching TV, having fun. and most of all, SLEEPING IN. Ahhh. . . good times.

Breach of Trust??

2007-02-11T16:10:00.000-05:00

Boy Wonder and I had a serious discussion today. I guess you would call it an argument. Of course, when we fight we don't raise our voices. I guess that's why I'm always hesitant to call what we do fighting. To me, fighting has always been about yelling.

Anyway, I always knew that Boy Wonder knew where my blog was. He "happened" to find it early in our relationship and he was upfront about that. He always said that he would never read it though. He said that he wanted to make sure I had a safe place where I could vent about life and him and whatever. He didn't want me to have to censor myself (not that I've ever said anything bad about him here anyway). He knows that this is like a journal for me. Today, I was looking on my tracking website just to see how many people were reading my blog. I'm not as obsessive about this as some people are (yes Luke, I'm talking to you), so sometimes it can be a while before I check it. Today, I noticed something interesting. There were several occasions in which someone had done a search for my blog using the search phrase "boy wonder in post author: Cynthia." I knew that had to be him, especially since the city was pretty close to where he lived. He was probably on it from work.

I called him and very calmly asked him about reading my blog. There was no hesitation, no asking me why I was asking that now; he just came right out and told me the truth. He wasn't really reading it, per se. He just checked on it a couple of times to see if it would give some insight into what I was thinking. This past month has been really rough. I've been in a funky mood and I've just been sad for no reason at times. I've been trying to tell him that it's not him, but it's hard when I'm taking out my grumpiness and frustrations out on him. He just wanted to make sure it wasn't about him, I guess. I can tell that he never searched my archives or anything. It was just like he said. He came, he glanced, he left. There were only three or four visits and the most time he spent on my blog was a minute and something.

I do kind of feel like it was a betrayal of trust. I had always told him that if he wanted to read my blog, he should tell me. Now he's saying that he feels like he hasn't been able to because of my moods. This makes me feel like crap. I still told him that if he was so concerned about me that he had looked on my blog or even was considering it, he should have told me. At least then, I could have tried harder to make him know that my moods weren't as a result of anything he had done and we could have had a conversation about it or something. He's not making excuses or anything, but I can see how he would have felt like he had no other choice (I'm only giving him an inch on that one). I don't want him to feel like he has to go to outside sources to find out what I'm thinking or why I'm upset. I do need to start opening up and confiding in him more. I'm also going to try not to take my bad moods out on him so much. I have such a hard time trusting people and I have had a hard time trusting him because of my history (both my guys and my mother). So this just feels like I'm being proven right. But I'm going to try to move past this. He made a mistake. He knows that and he won't do it again. I just have to work on some things as well.

I think I really need to see a therapist though. I'm honestly not sure how I can be a good wife to him (when the time comes) unless I work on some issues of my own. Working on these issues will also help me with my clients. I can get rid of some of my transference stuff (maybe) and I will get to see what it's like from the other side of the chair (from my client's viewpoint). I'm trying to find one, but there are a LOT of them.

Thanks to all the readers who listened to me ramble. I love Boy Wonder so much and I know he loves me. It seems like, for the most part, we can communicate with each other pretty well. We both know that we are meant to be together. Everything will work itself out, I guess.

Counseling and anniversaries

2007-02-10T07:58:00.000-05:00

Wow, has it really been that long since my last post? How much have you guys missed me? Yeah, I didn't think so. So much has been happening. I have been a little crazed with work and school and my internship. Oh, and there's my boyfriend. He requires a little of my attention as well. He's just crazy that way.

My internship has been going pretty well. It's taken me this long to feel like I'm starting to get the hang of what I'm doing. I keep expecting the director of the program to realize I'm a huge fraud and to kick me out. So far, so good. I have a caseload of 11 clients. Most of them have been in therapy for years and there isn't much else that needs to be done. I think they gave me some of their hopeless clients on purpose. Maybe it's because they didn't want to deal with them and they know I can't really screw them up any more. Haha. Or maybe they think that I may be able to have a breakthrough with them. I'm determined to try. I don't like going into session thinking that there's nothing I can do to help the client. It's not my style. I do have a few clients that are brand new to treatment and they are the ones I'm really excited about. I'm starting from scratch. All I know is that I really like this job and I could totally imagine myself doing this for the rest of my life. But it has only been a month. I guess we'll see how the other nine go. It'll fly by though. And what happens in December?? GRADUATION!!!! Woo-hoo!

Boy Wonder and I are moving along swimmingly. I have no idea what that means, I just thought it sounded nice. We celebrated our six month anniversary on January 26th. And how did we celebrate that aniversary? A fantabulously exciting hockey game. Damn, I really love hockey. And I kind of love Boy Wonder, too. Valentine's Day will be awesome next week. I'm making him a nice gift. He's already bought my gift, which I will get this weekend. He bought me a digital voice recorder. Isn't that romantic? Seriously, I needed one to record my sessions for my case presentations that I do for class. It was so sweet of him to buy it for me. And apparently, it's a pretty nice one too.

I guess that's been my life so far. Just internship and life. I won't go so long before a post next time.

Expecting the worst

2007-01-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

I am so bad at this relationship thing. Seriously, I feel like a horrible girlfriend. It's not that I've really done anything, per se. I am just the type of person who is always expecting the worst out of people. I don't think I was always this way. It kind of just happened. I am just sitting around, waiting for Boy Wonder to screw up or stop loving me or something. I don't tell him that; it's just always there in the back of my mind.

He's been out of town for almost a week now and it's harder than I thought to be away from him this long. It's not like I'm one of those annoying women who have to spend every second with their boyfriend. Believe me, I'm not. I do have a life aside from just him. Last week, I was fine without him. I worked and hung out with friends. Whatever, I did my thing. I guess I didn't really start to miss him until this past weekend. Because I expect the worst, I start looking for signs that he's forgetting about me or that I'm not a priority. Like if he doesn't call me enough. Or if he can only talk for five minutes. I am trying to cut him some slack though. He's pretty much on his feet from 7 in the morning until 6 at night working. He does call me every day. He sends me text messages or emails sometimes just to say that he loves me. I'm just greedy so I always want more. I don't want to make him feel bad for not being able to talk to me more. I know he loves me (lord knows he tells me often enough) and I know he misses me. I just wish I could stop this crazy paranoia that he's going to leave me. If he hasn't yet, chances are he isn't going to. Seriously, not many men could deal with the possibility of having my sister as an in-law. But he takes it in stride.

Anyway, change of subject. Tomorrow, I start my internship. I am really excited and a little nervous as well. I guess that's to be expected, right? I can't wait to delve into the exciting world of counseling sex offenders. For nineteen hours a week, three days a week, for the next ten months, that is what I'll be doing. Oh, and this will be unpaid. The joys of grad school. Oh well. I'm hoping that I absolutely love it and if I do, I'm hoping they'll love me enough to hire me. That would rock. So far, Boy Wonder is just about the only person in my life who hasn't made me feel like a complete idiot for wanting to do this. He also thinks I might actually be good at this. He has so much faith in me and I love him for that. This week will be the easy part. This week will involve me learning the ropes and shadowing other counselors during their sessions. Next week will be the tough part. Next week will be when I get my own caseload and start seeing clients on my own. They are throwing me to the wolves. Literally.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-03T01:58:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a great holiday. Mine was pretty fantabulous. Boy Wonder was sick during the holidays and that sucked. He did give me a very pretty necklace for Christmas. He also ordered me something online, but it still hasn't gotten here yet. Long story. Damn UPS. We spent time with my family and I worked a lot at the shelter. I got a lot of cookbooks (seriously, I still haven't had a chance to go through them all), I got a slow cooker (didn't ask for it, but I had wanted one), and I got some DVDs that I had wanted, along with some gift cards. I also got a Bundt pan and I have already made a cake in it. I made a triple chocolate gingerbread cake in it and it turned out soooo good. I was so proud of myself. First cake I baked by myself and it was great.

Boy Wonder and I spent some time in Alabama right after Christmas. That was a nice break. His family is great and I met so many more of his family members. There were tons of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. And there was a deep fried turkey. Yummy. His family had a few gifts for me, which was nice of them. We ate at this seafood restaurant that has the BEST hush puppies EVER. Boy Wonder got a gift card for a sporting good store in Alabama. On our way back to Georgia, we stopped at the store and Boy Wonder was nice enough to use his card to buy me some new tennis shoes. Awww. . . wasn't that sweet of him? Mine were kind of run down and I've been needing some new shoes. Luckily, Boy Wonder was feeling better by the time we got back so we could make up for lost him in the bedroom. Hehe. Between my illness and his, it's been hell on our sex life. Ha.

We didn't really want to do anything that special for New Year's. Being together was special enough (cue gagging noise here). We just went out to dinner to this Mexican restaurant that is awesome and we hadn't been there in a while. You know, I never considered that shrimp enchiladas would be a tasty dish, but they were awesome. I was so tired that I barely made it to midnight. Actually, Boy Wonder had to wake me up eight minutes before midnight. Then, we celebrated the new year very nicely. Sweet. Monday was a lazy day for both of us. We really needed the sleep. That night, he took me to Emeril's restaurant. It was sooo good. And I got my usual buzz from one glass of wine. It wasn't a strong buzz, but nevertheless it was there. Now, I am working the overnight at the shelter (again) and Boy Wonder is in Alabama for business. He left today and he doesn't come back until next Thursday or Friday. Sucks major. I'll miss him, but oh well. Life goes on.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T08:46:00.000-05:00

It looks like I am finally getting over my sickness and wouldn't you know it? Boy Wonder gets sick. I guess it's really not that far-fetched. I went to the doctor a couple of days ago and I got some antibiotics that pretty much kicked it out of my system. So now I feel pretty damn great. The doctor did give me some stuff that had codeine in it to help me sleep. I just took it the first night because my coughing was so bad. Man, that stuff will knock you out. Boy Wonder called about an hour after I fell asleep and I barely remembered who he was. It was awesome. I think I'll save that stuff and next time I'm having a bad day, I'm just going to take a big gulp and pass out. Excellent.

I do feel bad for causing my boyfriend to get sick. We went to Calloway Gardens last night to see the lights. It was a really nice light show, but one thing I don't understand what do kites have to do with Christmas? Or sailboats? Or raccoons or beavers or turtles? At least the frog was wearing a Santa hat. There was plenty of Christmas related itms, but it took a while to get there. And I had the best thing EVER last night. . . a deep-fried Snickers. Oh. My. God. It was the perfect combination of dough and chocolate and powdered sugar. I was in heaven. I think I even had a few orgasms while eating it.

Anyway, I am so appreciative that Boy Wonder took me to that light show even though he was sick. I don't think Boy Wonder is as bad off as I was, but I can tell he feels pretty bad and it's hard to tell if it will get worse or not. Of course, he's a guy so he is complaining a LOT. That's okay, though. I just offer my sympathy, make him take his medicine, and I have to practically force feed him orange juice. I just hate that he's sick for our first Christmas and our five month anniversary is on Tuesday, too.

This week is going to be pretty busy so I don't think I'll be blogging very much this week. I'm working at the shelter right now and I do have to work at the shelter again tomorrow and Tuesday. I'll be spending time with my family and my sick boyfriend. Tuesday is not only my five month anniversary with Boy Wonder, but we also have tickets to a hockey game. GO THRASHERS! On Wednesday, we will be leaving for Alabama to spend a couple of days with his family. Hopefully, he will be somewhat better by then. But I am a great nurse so he is in excellent hands. Happy Holidays everyone!

And one last little tidbit. . . I have been meaning to post a link to this article for a few days now. It is so freaking hilarious and I think men and women should read it. So here's to some happy reading and a lot of excellent lovin' (for those of you luckky bastards who aren't sick) during the holidays.

Cleaning Frenzy

2006-12-18T19:19:00.000-05:00

First cooking, now cleaning. What the hell is wrong with me? Somebody slap me please. All last week I was in a cleaning frenzy. I busted my ass for just about five days straight cleaning my place up. I threw away about ten garbage bags worth of my stuff. I never realized what a pack rat I was. I have a theory about why I was in such a frenzy. Boy Wonder was out of town, my classes were over, and I had to throw all of my pent-up sexual energy towards something. I saw Boy Wonder on Saturday and let's just say I didn't feel like cleaning anymore after that. The bad thing is that I was in the middle of a cold and by that night, it was making me pretty damn miserable. Boy Wonder had tickets for Cirque du Soleil for Saturday and we did go to that. It was an amazing show. I was struggling to breathe through the entire thing, but it was great. He actually wanted to take me to the doctor after the show, but I refused. He did go out to the store at midnight to get cough medicine for me. On Sunday, I went into work like a trooper, even though I was still miserable. Boy Wonder and I were supposed to drive to Calloway Gardens to see some magnificent Christmas lights that afternoon, but that was not going to happen. I barely had the energy to make it to his place. He did take excellent care of me. He ordered me to bed, bought me yoo-hoos (one of my favorite drinks and it felt sooo good on my throat), made sure I took my medicine, gave me dinner, and was just so good to me. No wonder I love him so damn much.

I'm still feeling pretty bad today, but my fever is gone and I'm not nearly as achy and tired. I feel a little out of sorts with no classes, but I do have a big ass training manual from my practicum site that I have to read. Fun, fun, fun. Looks like I'm going back with Boy Wonder to spend Christmas with his family right after the holidays next week. I was invited and apparently, they were thoughtful enough to get me something. I will get them something and then I have a few last minute gifts to get for other people and I'm done with shopping. Woo-hoo! And Boy Wonder gave me a cookbook (given to him for Christmas a few years ago) and there are tons of recipes I'm dying to try. Good times, good times.

My Quest

2006-12-10T14:43:00.000-05:00

I am on a quest. I am on a quest for a certain beverage. Caffeine free Diet Mountain Dew, to be exact. Yes, I know it sounds like a girly drink and I don't care. I am off caffeine and this is the only diet drink I have ever tasted that doesn't leave a horrible taste in my mouth. I have searched high and low and still am unable to find it. If anyone out there can find it, I would sell my mother for a case of the stuff. Granted, I don't like my mother but that's beside the point.

Last night, the Atlanta Thrashers played a thrilling game against the Pittsburgh Penguins that went into overtime and unfortunately, the Thrashers did lose. I'm talking hockey people. I am a hockey maniac. Also at last night's game, Boy Wonder and I became engaged to be engaged. I think the only thing that means is that he hasn't bought me a ring yet, but when the time comes, he does not have to worry about my answer. Like he had to worry anyway. I'm not really one of those women who are sitting around waiting for the ring. I'm not sweating it. I don't want to get married until after I graduate anyway and I graduate in exactly one year (YAY!!!!). I'll get a ring sometime next year, I'm sure.

Can I just say that I am thrilled that I will be graduating in a year?? 10 months of an internship that I'll be starting in January, a couple more classes, two licensing exams, and then I'll be done. Whew.

Nonsensical

2006-12-07T11:10:00.000-05:00

What is it about having kids that makes parents lose all respect for all other people? I'm talking about all the unruly kids that are wreaking havoc in grocery stores and restaurants across the country. They were talking about this on the radio yesterday and some parents feel that those without kids couldn't possibly understand and that kids should be able to do whatever they please in public. Apparently, just because I am without child, then this means I should accept that someone else's child is ruining my dinner or movie with their shenanigans. Bullshit. It's common courtesy. If you can't control your child, take them out of the damn store. Or restaurant. Or movie theatre. Whatever. When I have children, I will certainly respect other people. My sister once let her son (who is one and a half) scream bloody murder in a restaurant. In her case, she actually could have stopped it because he just wanted to sit in her lap. If she had let him, he would have shut up. But no, her needs were more important. Her boyfriend offered to take him out of the restaurant, but she didn't allow that either. Heaven forbid he be out of her sight for five minutes. What a bitch. Okay, that's my rant for the day.

I love Christmas. It's the second week of December and I already have most of my shopping done. Two more gifts to go. Woo-hoo! Boy Wonder and I went tree shopping last night to get a tree for his place. I think I'm finally getting into the Christmas spirit. It took awhile, but it's here. And hearing Mariah Carey's, "All I want for Christmas" definitely helps. Yes, I admit it. I like that song. This weekend, Boy Wonder and I are going to TWO hockey games. I'm so excited. Damn, I love hockey. All those big, burly guys in uniforms pounding each other to get this little bitty puck. Mmmm. . . . so hot.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

2006-11-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

I'm back! Wow, I did not realize how long it had been since my last post until I actually viewed my blog. Shame, shame on me. So sorry to disappoint my faithful readers (i.e. Luke), but I guess I have been busier than I thought.

The holiday was a good one. I traveled with Boy Wonder to Alabama to meet his family. Yes, you heard that right. I actually traveled to Alabama. . . willingly. He is from such a small, small, small town. I'm not kidding. The population is 25. And that's on a good day. I enjoyed meeting his family though. They seemed nice enough and they seemed to like me. His nephews were just adorable, although not nearly as adorable as my niece and nephew. It was weird being in the same house as him and not sleeping in the same bed, but hey, they're old-fashioned and I do respect their rules. I didn't necessarily mind being in that part of the country for a short period of time. You know, it allowed me to get in touch with nature and all that crap. It was also a much needed vacation from the daily grind of my two jobs and grad school.

I did bake for his mother. Yes, me. I baked. I have become such a Food Network Addict. And I would totally do that Italian chick on that channel if I were to do a woman. Hey, Boy Wonder asked what my type would be and I guess she's it. I don't know why I've developed the sudden interest in cooking, but I have also developed the sudden realization that none of my cookware is good enough. Dammit. Thank goodness Christmas is coming up. But the brownies that I made for his mother did turn out rather tasty. Thank goodness because my last attempt at baking a year or so ago was a disaster. I think cooking relaxes me or something. Or maybe I've realized that cooking is a whole lot cheaper than eating out all the time.

So Boy Wonder and I survived the meeting of his family. It helped that his family is a LOT less crazy than mine. He doesn't agree, but it's like the saying goes: "The grass is always greener on someone else's mother." When we got back into town, we totally made up for lost time with the separate bedrooms thing. I swear, my sex drive rivals any man's. Boy Wonder even had to tell me to stop thinking with my penis. I try and I try, but I just can't. Today is our 4 month anniversary and unfortunately, we are unable to be together. I was asked to work an extra shift at the shelter today, so I'm pulling a double. With Christmas coming up, I need the extra money. Now, I just have to try to figure how what the hell I'm getting people in the middle of all my stupid school assignments. Bah.

Happy 200th!

2006-11-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

Today is my 200th post. Woo-hoo! Happy birthday to my blog. Today is also voting day. I almost feel guilty that I am not voting. Maybe I should have paid attention to the candidates more, but I just see all the stupid commercials where they are all bashing each other. I feel guilty for not voting because I know that a lot of women have died so that women could have the right to vote. It's not a right that we were born with. We had to fight for it. But I don't think my female ancestors knew that politicians would get this bad. I don't even like either party. I can't stand any of the policies of the Republican party and the Democrats seem to wishy-washy. I would like to vote Libertarian, but what's the point? It's not like they will ever come to power anyway. Yech.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot going on in my life right now. I know, exciting 200th post, right? Boy Wonder is out of town again this week and I miss him like crazy. He did send me a very sweet "love letter" by email last night that made me do the girl thing and saw "Awww. . . " Dammit, I hate it when he makes me do that. Being with him has turned me into such a girl. He'll be back Thursday night and I will see him on Friday. Then all will be right with the world again.

A Bland Life

2006-10-30T12:48:00.000-05:00

The whole point of this list is to see what you have and haven't done. I stole this from someone else's blog. The ones in bold are the ones that I have done. I have actually lived a pretty tame life. This list reminds me of the list that I made for myself last year of things I would like to accomplish before I die. Maybe I'll post it one day. Oh. . . and this morning, Boy Wonder went out of town for business. He'll be gone until Friday night. Then, he'll leave again on Monday, be back the following Thursday, leave that Sunday, and be back the following Friday. That's a lot of travel time and I'm going to miss him so much. Thank goodness for phone sex.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the snake river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Breaking up is hard to do

2006-10-29T14:28:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but I think if two people break up or divorce, they should just stay that way. Especially if you have kids. Shockingly enough, not everyone believes in this philosophy. Not my parents. But my parents are far from normal anyway. Apparently, my parents are doing the big nasty again. Yeah, I'll give you a minute to recover from the shock. I know it took me a while. I'm pretty sure my dad is just using her for the sex since he still has his other girlfriend on the side. He did have another one, but he dumped her because she was doing drugs. That's the kind of women my dad hangs out with. I guess even he has his limits. I'm pretty sure he's got a fourth one somewhere too. And now my mom's staying with him! It's supposed to be temporary (it's a long story), but she will probably insinuate herself into his life. I do not have enough money to buy all his girlfriends Christmas presents. I'm thinking of doing an anti-parent trap thing to try to split them up. . . any ideas?

Okay, I know I promised all of my faithful blog readers (like all 5 of them) that I wouldn't complain and gripe about my sister's drama anymore. For the most part, I have kept to that, except for the day when she met Boy Wonder and went crazy. But that was personal. I will still hold to that. My sister is still nuts, but I am sick of everyone else griping and complaining about her. I work with my grandmother and every day, it's the same old crap. I don't know why she bothers to complain or why she bothers to hope for anything, but I wish they would all shut up already! Seriously, I don't care how my sister is ruining her life this week. As long as she isn't taking me down with her, I'm good. I have a theory. I think that they all like to focus on my sister and her stupid, pathetic life because it takes away the focus from their own stupid, pathetic (and boring) lives. They wouldn't know what to do with themselves if my sister weren't causing problems. That's just the family counselor in me talking.

The Noble Idiot

2006-10-28T00:16:00.000-04:00

I've decided I'm going to stop telling people what I want to do with my life. Every time I tell people I want to counsel sex offenders, I get one of two responses: either I am doing some great, noble thing or I am an idiot who is wasting my time. Frankly, I don't think I am either of those things. I don't consider myself noble as I am just doing what needs to be done and if I thought I was wasting my time, well then. . . let's just say that's a LOT of student loan money wasted. I also get the inevitable questions: Why are you doing it? Do you really think they can change? Actually, I am doing it just so I can have this very conversation. No, I don't think they can change. I just think it's cool to spend the rest of my life convincing everyone else that I do. Ha. Joke's on them. From now on, maybe I'll tell people I've decided to join the circus. It would certainly attract less attention.

On a happier note, Boy Wonder and I celebrated three beautiful months together on Thursday. Aren't we just so cute that it makes you want to throw up a little? It is three months people. . . I mean, come on. . . that's 25% of an entire year! We didn't really do anything special. I had Spanish class til 8:30, then headed to his place. He had bought dinner and had it ready for me. It was my favorite dish at "our" restaurant: shrimp wrapped in bacon stuffed with cheese and peppers. I know what you're thinking. What better way to celebrate our love than with 4000 calories? I couldn't agree more. He also bought me a bottle of wine. How sweet. I know he just wants to get me drunk. He should know by now that he doesn't have to buy an entire bottle. One glass will do the trick. It's been a good 3 months though. I love him so much. And having a boyfriend didn't effect my grades too much since I did get an A on the class that just ended this week. Excellent.

Phobias

2006-10-25T14:12:00.000-04:00

Maury Povich sucks. I mean, his show has no entertainment value at all. Every time I see a commercial for his show, it's about a baby that's 500 pounds and the mother can't do anything about it (he's 2: he eats vegetables or he doesn't eat) or they have the women who have given five different men paternity tests and still don't know who the father is (note to all stupid sluts: please go to the nearest condom aisle of Wal-Mart immediately. we don't need any more of your kind). The latest episode of Maury actually involved phobias. Not just any phobia either. . . pickles. Seriously, pickles? The way this woman talked, it sounded like a skit straight from SNL because it was so freaking hilarious. Pickles have ruined her life and she has always been teased because of this phobia. In the studio, they bring out a huge platter of pickles and she starts (no lie) running and screaming throughout the studio while they are following her with the pickles. And I thought my phobia of escalators was weird. At least I don't run screaming every time I see one. Could you imagine the looks I would get at the mall?

I hate Daniel Powter

2006-10-17T16:23:00.000-04:00

I hate Daniel Powter. He is a freaking loser with a piece of crap song that is more overrated than the show it has been featured on. I'm not even going to mention the show's name because it's so stupid and because I don't want to give it or the song any more mentions than it already gets. I think that his song will go down as one of the worst "One Hit Wonders" of this decade. The radio stations seem to enjoy shoving his song down our collective throats. If they think that song makes you feel better when you are having a bad day, they are mistaken. I'm having a bad day and I just want to throw my computer speakers out the damn window every time I hear the song. But I need my computer to work, so I just mute my internet radio station. Stupid Daniel Powter. I hate him even more than I hate Martha Stewart. Stupid bitch.

Biltmore

2006-10-16T11:24:00.000-04:00

This weekend, Boy Wonder and I had our first weekend overnight adventure together. Very big step. We drove to North Carolina and saw the Biltmore house. It was a magnificent castle. It's huge with about 250 rooms. Some of the rooms were nice, but some of them were just ugly. Seriously, who was their decorator? Boy Wonder tried to defend them and said that the decor did date back to the 1800's. Frankly, I don't think that's any excuse for bad taste. I loved their library. It was enormous and the Vanderbilts had about 23,000 books that they had collected. I would have loved to have lived in that house. The gardens were pretty, though not all of the flowers were still in bloom. We went to a winery, where we were able to taste some of the wines. I warned Boy Wonder that I was a lightweight and I don't think he believed me. I probably had the equivalent of about two glasses of wine and I got a little loopy. I was definitely buzzed. On the way up to North Carolina, we took the scenic route and traveled up the Blue Ridge Parkway. It was filled with so many long, winding roads and about a million scenic overlooks. The views were wonderful and the leaves were at their peak bloom. I liked that Boy Wonder kept saying, "foliage." I never realized what a sexy word that was until he kept saying it. Totally hot. Good times were had by all. The fact that we did not kill each other was a plus. Actually, we didn't get sick of each other at all. I guess miracles can happen. I have pictures, but blogger is not letting me upload them at the moment. Later, I promise.

Good day

2006-10-10T16:53:00.000-04:00

I got it! I got it! In case you are wondering, I'm referring to my internship counseling sex offenders. Woo-hoo! Starting in January, their healthcare will be in my hands. I am so incredibly excited. And a little bit nervous, I must admit. Oh, and I also found out my grade for my Family Counseling class so far. It includes the midterm grade and the online discussion questions that we've been doing. I have a 99 in the class. So unless I totally screw up on the papers and final exam, I should get an A+. But dammit, why couldn't my average be a 100? See, that's what happens when you get a boyfriend. Your grades go straight to hell.

Survey

2006-10-09T09:44:00.000-04:00

ARE YOU:
1. A Cuddler? Definitely. I like to be held.

2. A morning person? No way.

3. Are you a perfectionist? Sometimes, I can be. About certain things.

4. An only child? Nope. I have one sister. But I'd rather be an only child.

5. Catholic: Ha. Hardly

6. In your pajamas? Nope. And it's really none of your business what I'm wearing.

7. Currently suffering from a broken heart? Nope. It was broken a year ago, but now it's all better.

8. Okay styling other people's hair? Not really. I'm no good at it.

9. Left handed? Nope.

10. Addicted to MySpace? Uh, no.

11. Shy around the opposite gender? Nope.

12. Loud? Yes

DO YOU:

12. Bite your nails? Yes.

13. Get paranoid at times? Yes, sometimes I'm too paranoid.

14. Currently regret something that you have said/done? All the time.

15. Curse frequently when you get mad? Yes

16. Enjoy country music? Only when I'm sad and depressed. But occasionally, if I'm happy I may listen to one or two specific country CD's. So basically, you can tell my mood by what CD is in my CD player.

17. Enjoy jazz music? Eh, not really.

18. Enjoy smoothies? Yes, so good.

19. Enjoy talking on the phone? Yes, if I'm talking to someone I like.

20. Have a lot to learn? It's always good to learn something new.

21. Have a pet? No.

22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person? I used to, but not anymore. Now I have fallen for the right person.

23. Have all your grandparents died? No, both my grandmothers are alive.

24. Have at least one sibling? Yes.

25. Have been told that you are smart? Yes.

26. Have had a broken bone? Nope

27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone? Yes

HAVE YOU:

28. Changed a diaper? Yes.
29. Changed a lot over the past year? I think so.
30. Had friends who have never seen your natural hair color? No. And I don't really dye my hair anymore.
31. Had surgery? Yes
32. Killed anyone? Never.
33. Had your haircut within the last week? Three weeks ago.

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in the bed beside you? Boy Wonder, my wonderful boyfriend.
2. Saw you cry?: That would probably be Boy Wonder, too.
3. Went to the movies with you? Um, are you seeing a pattern here? Boy Wonder.
4. You went to the mall with?: Seth, my best friend in the world
5. You went to dinner with? Boy Wonder.
6. You talked to on the phone? Boy Wonder.
7. Said 'I love you' to you and meant it? Boy Wonder. duh
8. Broke your heart? damn ex-boyfriend, Robert. I hope he dies a slow, painful death.
9. Made you laugh? Boy Wonder, of course

WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? probably my nose. I think that might be kind of cool
2. Be serious or be funny? depends on the situation, but most of the time, funny.
3. Drink whole or skim milk? skim.
4. Die in a fire or drown? fire
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Ha. is this a trick question? if you're talking about my mom, then I would rather spend time with my enemies. But if you're talking about my dad, then I guess I would rather spend time with him.

Okay, I'd like pretty much anyone who reads my blog to do this one. Luke, that means you.

Grown up stuff and sporty stuff

2006-10-08T13:31:00.000-04:00

This week, I had my interview with the place that I hope to be doing my practicum at. Yikes. I am kind of terrified at doing this. Can you imagine? Someone's healthcare will be in my hands? But I'm excited, too because I will finally be doing what I want to be doing. I interviewed at a place called the Highland Institute of Behavioral Change. They counsel sex offenders. Yes, that is what I want to do. And no, I'm not going to explain my reasons behind my decision anymore. It's too much. All I'm going to say is they need help just as much as the next person. Anyway, the woman who interviewed me seemed to like me. She liked the fact that I did seek out this type of population and that I seemed to want to do this after graduation. She also liked the fact that I had experience doing rape crisis and working at a battered women's shelter. She said that this would probably give me a different perspective that I could offer the clients. Talking to her did make me get even more excited about doing this. I'm starting to look forward to it. It'll be great. They have to interview someone else for the same position. They would like to have us both, but she said that she wasn't sure if she would have enough work for us both. I should hear something by the middle of this week. Wish me luck. If I don't get this, I'll have to interview somewhere else and I'll probably end up doing something I don't want to do. So we'll see.

Thursday, I went to my very first hockey game. I've always wanted to go to one and Boy Wonder had bought us tickets several weeks ago. I would just like to say that I am totally hooked on the game now. It was awesome watching the men wrestle each other over this little black puck. It's just a fun game to watch live. There is so much energy. The Atlanta Thrashers actually lost in overtime (it was tied for a while), but it was still a good game. They played well. I do like some sports, but I hate watching them on TV. It's so boring. Yesterday, Boy Wonder and I went to Alabama to watch an Auburn football game (he went to school there). Football isn't my favorite sport, but watching it live is fun. There was a lot of passion at that game as well. Auburn pretty much got their asses kicked and the fans were getting a little mad about it, to say the least. I can understand why because it did seem like they just weren't trying. But some fans were just getting really mad. And it was only a game after all. There was this one guy sitting in front of us and he was cussing at the players and trying to tell them how to play. It was funny. I forgot about the fact that we'd be sitting in the sun for several hours and I was wearing a tank top. I do have a little bit of a sunburn today. Can you believe it? A sunburn in October. Craziness. Boy Wonder and I had fun on our road trip to Alabama and he showed me a couple of the places he lived when he was in college. The campus was really pretty. He would have shown me around campus more, but game day was nuts. Over 87,000 people were in the stands.

Yes, I am a nerd

2006-10-01T20:14:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I watched ESPN. No, I did not develop a sudden love of all things sport-related. I was watching the 2006 National Scrabble Championship. I had no idea that such a thing existed until my dear, sweet boyfriend (who knows of my love of this game) called to tell me that it was on. Can I just say that it was damn exciting? I was feeling the pressure and I wasn't even in it. But hey, the winner did receive a $25,000 prize. Can you believe they reward people with that much money for being a champion Scrabble player? I love the game of Scrabble and I consider myself a fairly formidable opponent. . . when I'm playing with average players. I have a feeling that if I went up against these people, I would get my ass handed to me on a silver platter. If I ever came up with a 100-point word, it would be pure good luck. I'm just saying that watching this tournament had me on the edge of my seat. The fact that I got so excited by this game may make me a nerd, but I really don't care. I'm comfortable with that.

11 layers

2006-09-29T09:14:00.000-04:00

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: Cynthia Denise
birthday: May 3, 1980
Current Location: work
Eye Color: hazel green
Hair Color: dark brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Taurus

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your fears: heights and escalators
Your perfect pizza: lots of meat, jalapeno peppers, and extra cheese
Goal for future: to be successful at my career and to be happy with the one I love

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:

Your thoughts first waking up: hmm. . . work out or snooze button? Yeah, I think I'll hit the snooze.
Your best physical feature: I'm going to say. . . breasts.
Your bedtime: sometime around midnight or so
Your most missed memory: weekends with my grandparents

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:

Pepsi or Coke: I'm off caffeine, but if I was still on it, I would actually choose Mountain Dew
McDld's or Burger King: McDonald's
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Tea or NesteA: no preference
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Again, I'm off caffeine, but given the choice, cappuccino all the way

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Smoke: no
Take a shower: Everyday
Think you've been in love: I am now
Believe in yourself: Eh, on my good days

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH

Drank alcohol: yep
Gone to the mall: yes
Been on stage: no
Eaten Sushi: no
Been dumped: no, thank goodness
Gone skating: nope
Dyed your hair: no

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER:

Played a stripping game: yes, strip poker
Gotten beaten up: nope
Changed who you were to fit in: yes, occasionally. I'm a big pushover

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD:

Age you're hoping to be married: I don't have a deadline. When it happens, it happens. I am with the person that I'm hoping to spend the rest of my life with so it will happen eventually.

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY

Best eye color: don't care as long as they're focused on me
Best hair color: doesn't matter
Clothing style: doesn't matter

LAYER TEN: TIME

1 MINUTE AGO: 9:08 am
1 HOUR AGO: surfing the web at work
1 DAY AGO: the 28th: cleaning my apartment in preparation of Boy Wonder coming over to my place tonight
1 YEAR AGO: heartbroken after the end of a devastating relationship. My, how things can change in a year.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE:

I LOVE: Boy Wonder.
I FEEL: alert and bored
I HATE: working
I HIDE: If I said that, then it wouldn't stay hidden now would it? I have to keep some secrets.
I MISS: my flat stomach
I NEED: to study
I WANT: to win the lottery

Ahhh. . . romance

2006-09-27T09:47:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was the two month anniversary for me and Boy Wonder. I know, I know. 2 months. . . whoopee. But it was still special. I'm surprised he's put up with my flunctuating hormones for the last month. We didn't really do anything special because it was only two months. But we did go see Last Kiss. It was a good movie. A little sad at parts and very touching and sweet. Lots of dysfunctional relationships, which may not be exactly what you want on an anniversary. But it made us feel better about our relationship, so it's all good. He did give me something though. He gave me a key to his place. Very big step. I guess that means he's really committed. But I knew that already.

My dear, sweet Boy Wonder has said so many wonderful, romantic things to me and to commerate our anniversary, I thought I would share them with you all. He actually suggested a blog entry of his great lines. (Yes, he does know that I have a blog, but he has respected my wishes that he not read it. In fact, he doesn't even want to read it since he knows blogs can be very personal. Whew, what a relief.)

1. My crotch is in love with you. (This was actually the first time he hinted that he might be in love with me. Even though it's about his crotch, I am still very fond of it.)

2. Baby, I would never steal your life vest. I'd at least wait until you were dead first.

3. I would love you even if you were in a wheelchair. . . as long as our crotches matched up and as long as your mouth still worked. (Now, THAT'S romantic.)

4. You have ruined porn for me. (I have no idea if he's feeding me a line on this one or not, but I'll just pretend it's true.)

5. I can't go to sleep without hearing your voice and I can't get off without sticking it in you.

Meeting the Family

2006-09-25T15:15:00.000-04:00

Boy Wonder met the family yesterday. Oy and damn, damn, damn. My dad liked him. My grandmother loved him. My sister, however. . . now, I don't really give a damn whether she likes him or not. It's not like she has the best taste in people to begin with. She's not really discriminating about who she likes anyway. She likes everybody. That is, until you cross her. Then watch out.

Anyway, there was just a big scene yesterday after we had already had lunch. It was inadvertently started by me because I admitted to my father that on the way to the restaurant, Jenifer and her boyfriend had smoked with her 4 month old baby in the car. Not only that, but her boyfriend had basically said that was nobody else's business. This is a baby that spent the first week of her life in NICU because of problems with her lungs. This is also a baby that recently went to the doctor and was diagnosed with asthma. Jenifer was told by the doctor not to smoke around the baby and that it could make Abigail end up in the NICU again. Does that stop her? Absolutely not.

My dad refused to let Abigail ride in the same car back with them. And my sister went crazy. Boy Wonder and I were in the backseat and she was ranting and raving the entire ride home. It was freaking nuts. For her to go off like that in front of my boyfriend and hers was just totally inappropriate. But she doesn't realize that. Lucky for me, Boy Wonder does not scare easily. He did say that if I have any of THOSE genes in my body, then he will run like the wind. Haha.

Abigail is an adorable baby. She was quiet, too. She barely made a peep the entire day. She would start to scrunch up her face like she was going to cry a few times and then the second I put a bottle in her mouth, she was good. Connor (my nephew) was putting up a fight the entire dinner because he wanted to sit in my sister's lap. He was tired and sick and probably frustrated because my sister hardly ever spends any time with him. She's always dumping him off on other people. She was determined to eat without him in her lap, which meant he was screaming in his chair. I know we were disturbing other customers. I just think that if you are a mother, you have to deal with either eating with one hand or not eating until your child is satisfied. Her boyfriend offered to take him outside, but she refused. She didn't refuse when my dad offered though. I was about to yell at her. She needed to either sit him in her lap like she wanted or take him outside so he wasn't disturbing other customers. It's not like she cares about other people though. I was actually eating with Abigail in my arms. Granted, she stayed a lot more still than Connor, but I still managed to eat with one hand. She wasn't crying, but I had picked her up to give her a little attention. She needed it.

It was a crazy day, but at least Boy Wonder wasn't completely scared off. If he wasn't scared off by my sister, then we should be okay.

Milestones

2006-09-22T14:16:00.000-04:00

It's been another crazy week here in my small, little world. I feel like I'm behind in my schoolwork already and it just started up again. I am trying really hard not to let my newfound personal life affect my studies and for the most part, I'm succeeding. I do have to remember that I have other goals in life besides making sure my relationship with Boy Wonder is kosher. I know. Surprising, isn't it? I'm taking a Marriage and Family Counseling course this time and it's actually kind of interesting. Honestly, if I weren't so set on counseling sex offenders, I might consider going into family counseling. Family counseling is a little more difficult, though. You don't just have one person's issues to consider. You may have two people or even five people to consider and all of them may have something different going on. That's a lot of balls in the air. Intense, but it does sound a little exciting as well. I guess counseling sex offenders can be both of those things, too.

Boy Wonder and I are in a really good place right now. I've still been emotional this week. I'm actually going off birth control and getting the IUD (which will cost me $500, thank you very much) next week, but that's another story. We hadn't been able to see each other since Saturday because of my work schedule and I also had plans with Kim this week (yes, Kim. . . I'll save that story for another blog entry). Maybe it's just my hormones, but I didn't really think he was missing me and I was totally missing him. We had a conversation last night in which he said he almost came to my place, but didn't because of gas and traffic, blah, blah, blah. Yet, he said he was committed to spending the rest of his life with me. I told him that there wasn't any way this was going to work if he didn't come to my place for reasons like that. I mean, we are going to be living apart for at least a year and a half. I did tell him that I wouldn't move in with him until I got married and I don't plan on getting married until after school. It would just be too much beforehand, I think. Anyway, it's hard not to take it personally, even though he was telling me that I shouldn't. He realized that he does need to meet me halfway on things. I had gotten out of Spanish class at 8:30 and was on my way home when we were having this conversation. Then, he said he would just come to my place. I told him that I wasn't mad and I didn't want him to feel forced to do it. But he was insistent, so he got to my place at 10:00. I think that was a good step in our relationship.

Boy Wonder is meeting some members of my family this weekend. I'm a little nervous. No boyfriend has ever met my family. I've never wanted them to because it's never been serious. So what's the point really if it's not going anywhere. He's meeting my dad and my grandmother, which really shouldn't be too bad. But he's also going to meet my sister. Ugh. Yeah, my sister's nuts. Plus, she may be bringing her 43 year old boyfriend with her. That's right. My 23 year old sister is dating a 43 year old man who doesn't have a job right now and has three kids, the oldest of which is 18. I am so looking forward to Sunday (insert sarcastic tone here). The reason that she is coming is because it's a birthday dinner for my dad. The only reason I'm kind of glad she's coming is because she's bringing her babies and they're freaking adorable. Boy Wonder also said that he would like to take me to Alabama over Thanksgiving to meet his family. If I can get out of work, that would be great. Apparently, he has never brought a girl home either so this is a big deal. We are so alike that it's scary.

Tonight, I am headed off to Seth's direction to celebrate HIS birthday. How dare these people have birthdays within days of each other? We're going to grab some dinner and maybe see The Wicker Man. That should be fun. After spending time with my gay boyfriend, I'll head off to see my straight one. Good times, good times on a Friday night.

Miss me much?

2006-09-14T22:56:00.001-04:00

No, I haven't disappeared off the face of the planet. No, I haven't been killed or horribly disfigured in some freak staple gun accident. No, I wasn't kidnapped by aliens and used as their sex slave. I have just been really, really, really busy. Not very exciting, is it?

In reality, I haven't felt very much like blogging lately. I have been having a lot more migraines (due to a change in medication) and I have also had some depression issues (due to being on birth control pills). I swear, I have the most understanding boyfriend in the world. The last several weeks, I have been moody and angry and sad all at the same time. The smallest things have been setting me off. One minute I'm fine and the next minute (literally), I'm in tears. I told Boy Wonder that I haven't been this emotional or cried this much since I was sixteen. And all the migraines haven't been helping. Boy Wonder has been great, though. I'll get angry at him for no reason and I won't even tell him what the reason is. I'll just act moody and distant and he has no idea what the hell is wrong or what he's done. I told him last week though that I really think the birth control pills have been wreaking havoc with my body. He wants me off of them. He says he just wants me healthy and happy. I can't say that I blame him. Work isn't much better since I've been biting my grandmother's head off, too. I yelled at her a lot the other day. It was a bad day. Then this week, she bought me some new shirts and a new purse and she brought me lunch today. This other guy at work said I should treat her like crap more often if this is the kind of treatment that I can expect to get. I think her motive was to make me feel guilty. It's working.

I am on a new migraine medication and I think I'm finally on the right dosage. I have two doctor's appointments on Monday, one to get some other form of birth control and another with my neurologist to discuss how my new medication is going. I think I'm going to try this new migraine medication diet that my friend Laura is on. It involves getting rid of any potential dietary triggers for migraines, as well as going off all medications and going off any hormonal birth control method. I'm going to discuss this diet with my neurologist tomorrow and see what he says about going off my medication. I've already taken the first MAJOR step, which is to go off caffeine. Caffeine withdrawals were not fun. I was also irritable and snappy from those. But the cravings for caffeine aren't as bad, so that's good. Honestly, I've kind of been waiting until I finish all the processed food in my house first. Next grocery trip, I'll start buying all my unprocessed foods that I'm going to need. It's going to be a pain in the ass looking at all those ingredient labels.

I will get my health straightened out. It's just been a bit crazy. School started back this week, so I'm getting back in the swing of things with that. Lots of work to do and it's only the first week. I enjoy my Spanish class, as usual. I am in Beginning Level 3 and apparently, we are now in the level where we are not so much allowed to speak English. I was afraid I had forgotten most of what I learned in the first two levels, but it's like riding a bike. And I managed to understand most of what the teacher was saying. She tries not to speak super fast since she knows what level we're at and she cuts us a LITTLE slack when we slip up and speak English. But this professor is a little strict about it. I don't mind that. It'll force me to use the language.

So that is my life right now. Boy Wonder and I are doing fabulously. We are very happy, except for the fact that I have been "emotionally crazy" (his words, not mine, but they are accurate) these past few weeks. Oh, but I did forget to mention that I introduced him to my very best friend Seth last weekend. They got along great. Seth said he seemed like a nice guy and we seem good together. At one point, I left them alone together and Boy Wonder told him that I make him really happy. How sweet is that? Ahh. . . true love. Good times, good times.

Niagara Falls baby!

2006-08-26T18:16:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we were so super excited to get up and head to dim sum for lunch. Mmm. . . dim sum. I miss Golden Port so, so, so much. I even have dirty dreams about it. Hey, don't judge me. We stuffed ourselves with spring rolls, dumplings, rice, chicken on a stick (yes, more food on a stick), and pork buns. It was so yummy and once again, I felt like throwing up after a meal. I really should stop eating so much. But where would the fun be in that?

After lunch, we headed to the Falls. We parked on the American side and walked the bridge over to the Canadian side. We didn't really want to hang out in America too much. Been there, done that. Laura and I had a bit of trouble walking over the bridge since we are both terrified of heights. Luke took snapshots of us the whole way across. Didn't really expect anything else from him. Canada was much prettier than America. The Falls were great and we went into a lot of cheesy tourist shops. Mmm. . . cheesy shops. They would have been better if they had been deep fried, too. After the Falls, we walked back across the border and shopped the outlets in America. Eh, they were only okay. I was just going wherever Luke and Laura told me to. You would think that we would have eaten enough greasy food, but no. We decided to go to Uno's for dinner (with Luke's lovely sister) and then we shopped at Barnes and Noble (don't I have enough books) and then went to Wegman's for food. Yes, food. I needed barbecue sauce and Laura and I both had a sudden craving for candy. I really am beginning to see a pattern with this trip.

We did manage to get some sleep last night and I have to say that my legs are incredibly sore today. After all the walking we've done in the past two days, I'm wiped. Today was a relatively quiet day. We went to several garage sales (where Laura and I bought even more books) and then we all had a nice lunch with Laura's cousin. She was really nice, but it would have been nicer if she had deep fried the sandwiches or something. Today is actually my one month anniversary with Boy Wonder and I did call him. I'm having a great time here, but I do miss him terribly. It sounds like he misses me, too. I know one month doesn't sound like much, but this is the most normal relationship I've ever been in and it's nice that I haven't done anything to screw it up yet. He said it's the most normal relationship he's ever been in, too. I did get him a little souvenir in the Falls to let him know I was thinking about him. Anyway, after the nice lunch with Laura's cousin, we went to Lake Ontario and walked around for a bit. We even played on the swingsets for a while. That was fun. . . and a good workout. It made all of us relive our childhoods a bit. Now we're hanging out at Luke's place for a bit and soon, we will be headed to a movie with his friends, Jake and Rachel. We're going to see "Snakes on a Plane." Luke says it's funny, but we'll see. I just have to wonder: how do you get snakes past security? I will keep you posted. I know that inquiring minds want to know.

Every food should come in stick form

2006-08-25T00:05:00.000-04:00

I'm in Rochester! Woo-hoo. . . don't know if I should laugh or cry about it. But since my flight got in so late last night, Laura says I missed the orgy. After hearing that, what else could I do but cry? I slept the entire flight over here. Seriously, did you really expect anything else from me? I was tired. When I got in, we quickly got my luggage and went off for midnight margaritas and half-price appetizers. Yeah, I really have to do this town when I'm drunk. Everything is much funnier. We went off to our respective beds. Yeah, I drew the short straw and wound up sleeping with Luke. I tried to make the most of it by some late night fondling, but he was having none of that. He fell off the bed trying to get away from me. Bastard. Oh well, I like Boy Wonder much better anyway. And Luke and Laura insist on calling him Wonder Bread. Whatever, I love him either way.

Today, we went off to the State Fair in Syracuse. Holy smokes, can people fry a lot of food. You could get everything fried: twinkies, brownies, cheesecake, oreos. . . and if you felt like going healthy, you could get some fried broccoli. Yum. I had so much food. Hotdogs, nachos, cheese, fried oreos, and cheesecake on a stick. Damn, I love food on a stick. I love food that's deep fried. Did I mention that we ate a lot. We spent six hours walking the fair, eating food, looking at all the animals (and wishing we could deep fry some of them), and we just had a merry old time. We won lots of free stuff and spun a bunch of wheels. I got some pretty sweet things. I also won a pig because some woman couldn't guess my weight correctly. She said I had junk in my trunk. Ha. My boyfriend loves my junk, thank you very much.

After all that walking, we went to Luke's Aunt Deb's house to talk and generally make fun of Luke. Ahhh, good times, good times. There were peanut butter cookies. Seriously. . . more food. After all that food and laughter, we decided we STILL hadn't had enough to eat, so we headed to Jay's Diner and then to Wendy's for some vanilla frosties. Now, as I sit here exhausted and with a bloated stomach, I just have to wonder: Can one person really eat too many fried foods? Nah, what a silly question.

First Fight

2006-08-22T11:02:00.000-04:00

So Boy Wonder and I had our first fight yesterday. Yeah, it was bound to happen sooner or later. It was all about the spending the night thing. It started out innocent enough when he asked if there was anything he could do to make me happy. Apparently, he's in the business of making me happy. Sweet and a little bit sickening, yes I know. But I love him for it. I was honest and told him that the fact that he won't spend the night with me is a sore spot. But other than that, I'm all good. Then, he started backtracking and said that he does want to spend the night with me and that I can sleep over whenever I want. Seriously, what the hell? We got into a fight because I felt like he was saying and doing two different things. Actually, he was saying two different things and I had to idea what the hell he wanted or what was going on. We were discussing it over yahoo messenger and I told him that I didn't want to talk about it at that moment and that I was a little pissed off at him. Being the great boyfriend that he is, he went outside at work so that he could call me and we could straighten everything out. We did eventually resolve everything. His excuse was that boys are stupid. But he can only use that excuse once. He did say that he loves me and wants to be with me. So I guess we're cool now. We survived our first fight and there was no screaming or punches being thrown. I think we handled it rather well. He's an easygoing guy though, so whenever we do fight, I don't think it's going be horrible and traumatic. He seems like he's a good communicator so that's good. I do love him. But it's weird because this is happening so incredibly fast. I'm starting to have doubts and I think it's just because I've never felt like this. So this is all new to me. It feels right, but I'm just wondering: how do you know when you have found IT? When you have found someone that you love enough to spend the rest of your life with? It's so confusing. I just want to make sure I'm not making the wrong decision. I'm resisting the urge to run in the opposite direction. Honestly, that's my first instinct just because I'm afraid of getting hurt. But I guess I just have to take a giant leap of faith and go for it. I'm just no good at faith. Really, ask anyone.

Onto a different subject. . . yes, it's okay to breathe a huge sigh of relief. I am leaving tomorrow to visit Luke and I am so excited. Laura is even coming and that is going to be awesome because I haven't seen her since her wedding. And even then, we didn't get to hang out that much because of all the craziness. So I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. There is only one fly in the ointment. I looked at the weather and apparently, it's going to rain the ENTIRE time that I'm there. Seriously, what the hell? I am not kidding when I say that my last THREE trips to Rochester have been filled with rainy days. Just about the entire time I'm there is rainy and cloudy. It really sucks when you're going during the summer and you want to do things outdoors. I don't know why the rain follows me, but it seems as if I am cursed. And it has been raining off and on in Georgia for several days now. I have a feeling that the second I leave on a plane for Rochester, the clouds and rain will miraculously disappear. Stupid weather. But I guess as long as I am with my friends, we'll still have tons of fun. Can't wait!

The next level Part 2

2006-08-18T19:01:00.000-04:00

There has been a slight tinge of weirdness between me and Boy Wonder that has upset me a little. It's not a huge thing. Apparently, he doesn't feel comfortable spending the night with me yet. I know, we're having sex, but he doesn't want to spend the night with me. The other night, after our first time, he did ask me to leave. He didn't really do it in a mean way, but the fact that he did it still left me feeling a little rejected. He could tell that I was upset about something and he called me soon after I left his place. We talked about it a little and he said he didn't mean to hurt my feelings and he didn't mean for it to come across as him kicking me out immediately after sex. He said that he wasn't sure if we were "at the point" of sleeping over or not. Last night, he left my place and said that he couldn't spend the night. He tried to explain it to me and said that it didn't have anything to do with me. I'm sure he could tell I was still disappointed, so he sent me a nice email last night. He told me that he does love me and him leaving doesn't say anything negative about me or our relationship. He has just been alone so long that it's hard giving up his solitary time, basically. He said that he just needs me to be patient and that it will take him a little time to open up to me and be comfortable enough to spend the night with me.

I know that he isn't using me for sex and I know that he loves me. He does tell me he does a lot. I just hate it when I have to leave him or he has to leave me. I feel like crap because I love him so much and I would like to actually spend the night with him. I almost hate this feeling of being in love. I feel so good with him and I know that because of my feelings for him, he has this huge power to break my heart. I'm trying to trust that he won't, but it's really, really hard. I'm so happy that I keep waiting for something to happen to screw it up. I keep waiting for him to realize that I'm not nearly as funny or exciting or smart as he thinks I am. So I'm a little oversensitive to signs that he may be losing interest. Am I wrong for allowing this to get to me so much? I did tell him that I would be patient and just be secure with the knowledge that he does love me. I guess since we've only been dating for three weeks that I can give him this time to be comfortable sharing with me. I mean, we do have the rest of our lives to spend nights together. I think that maybe I should only worry if we've been together for months and he still doesn't feel comfortable spending the night with me. After al, if we're planning on spending our lives together, then we should be able to spend the night together. For now, I will just have to be patient and it is not easy. I am not a patient person. Other than this one thing, things are pretty great. I mean, last night at dinner, he tore his napkin in half so that I could have a piece because there were no more napkins. Now that's romance.

The next level

2006-08-17T15:52:00.000-04:00

So Boy Wonder and I finally took our relationship to the next level and we actually got physical. . . well, more physical than we've been anyway. It was pretty great. This whole thing is just weird to me because I feel so much more for him than I've felt for anyone else. I felt a little discombobulated afterwards. Of course, he was great. He wasn't even going to at first because he said that he didn't want to do anything that I wasn't ready for. Can you believe it? I actually pressured him, not that he was complaining of course. Hehe. Or maybe it was some kind of reverse psychology on his part. But he's totally interested in more than just sex. If that was all he was interested in, he would have given up and lost interest ages ago. So it's nice to know that someone actually wants me for more than my body. And he loves me. I'm just so happy about it. I think the best part of that night was just being with him after. It was nice afterglow. . . lots of cuddle time. Nice. We just keep moving up and up and up. Honestly, I think we're a little crazy. We've moved so fast that I can barely catch my breath. This is the first time that I've moved fast emotionally as opposed to moving fast physically. But it was so much better because of it. Knowing that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me just made it so much better. And I love him. The thought of forever doesn't scare me anymore.

My Boyfriend's Back!!

2006-08-13T10:12:00.000-04:00

Yay! Boy Wonder is back in town and I am back to my old, happy-go-lucky self. We saw each other yesterday and I don't think we stopped hugging for fifteen minutes. It felt so good to see him again. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone this much. And last night. . . he did it. He told me he loved me for the first time. I am so deliriously happy. It just felt right. I can't believe how fast things are moving. He's already talking about wanting me to move to Marietta with him. I'm not sure just how serious he is, but THAT would be quick, right? But I have this thing where I won't move in with a guy before we get married. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but that's just how I feel and I told him that. I just think if we move in together, then it will be easy for us to just live together for who knows how long before he finally pops the question. It's so tempting though. But I think if he did seriously want me to move in with him right now, that would be moving a little fast for me, even if I didn't feel the way I did about it. We haven't even introduced each other to our friends yet. He says he needs to and wants to so that nerve-wracking test will come soon. Truth be told, we haven't even had sex yet. I know. Shocking, isn't it? But neither one of us wanted to jump into anything, so we've been holding back, which has been very, very, very, very hard. Did I mention how hard it's been? I guess I have more willpower than I thought. I'm actually a little nervous about it. This will be the first time that I will be with someone that I actually love. Well I was in love with Robert, but he didn't love me back so that doesn't count. This will be so much better. I just know it.

Okay, and my HPV virus that I had last year. . . apparently, my wonderful, wonderful immune system has cleared it out of my body so it's no longer there. Halleujah. I went to the doctor and they confirmed it. Is it wrong that I never told Boy Wonder that I got anything? I mean, it is in the past, it's gone so it shouldn't have any effect on us now. I think we'll just let sleeping dogs lie with that one. He doesn't have to know my entire medical history, does he?

All I know is that I'm happy and in love and I'm just going to sit back and enjoy it.

The Big "L"

2006-08-11T14:12:00.000-04:00

Things have been a bit crazy lately. I've been working some extra shifts at the shelter. They have been a bit short-staffed and the extra money is always nice. I have been pretty miserable this week because Boy Wonder is out of town. I know, I know. . . please shoot me. I have become one of those women that I hate. I have been sulking and miserable because my boyfriend is out of town. Maybe it's just because our relationship is still so new. It's not like I've been sitting around waiting for him to call (which he HAS done quite often, by the way). I've worked my extra shifts, I've managed to work out a little, I caught up on some cleaning and some TV, and I even had dinner with an old friend last night. I guess I just feel like a part of me is missing because he isn't here with me. I know that sounds cheesy and corny, but I can't help it.

I think the big "L" word is coming. He's hinted at how he feels several times this week. I think he's just waiting till he can say it in person. Or maybe he's just waiting for the right time. I think it just hit me this week just how much he means to me. I wasn't even sure at first if I felt the same way, but now I'm just going to say it. Okay, so I love him. There. Whew, that feels so much better. Now I just have to say it out loud and to him. That will come. No rush. I know this seems so fast and a part of me is scared by that. But then the rest of me knows that nothing has ever felt this right. Ever. So who cares if this has happened so incredibly fast? There's no set timetable for when two people should fall in love, is there? We've been discussing marriage and what we should name our kids. There's so much laughter and happiness and it's just crazy.

I have to admit that I wasn't sure I was in love with him at first. But being without him this week has made me realize how much he means to me. Every time he calls me, I feel so incredibly happy. I can't wait until I can see him again. When I think of the future, I don't think in terms of "I" anymore. I think in terms of "we." He knows that I don't want to live in Georgia for the rest of my life and he's okay with that. I'm thinking I don't want to drag him to some city where he's going to be miserable for the rest of his life. I'm even willing to give up L.A. Now that's love. Am I crazy for feeling this much this fast? I didn't think it was possible to feel this much for someone this fast. But I guess when it's right, it's right. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy it. I'm just so damn happy.

Celebrity Lookalikes Part 2

2006-08-04T13:05:00.000-04:00

Okay, here goes my second part of the celebrity lookalike experiment. Let's see what the computer comes up with, shall we? Here is the first picture to be submitted. I thought I looked quite fetching and tan in the Bahamas.

Here is my list: Joni Mitchell, Drew Berrymore (but as a young child), Val Kilmer (ha!), and Lise Meitner. Stupid computer. Let's try again.

Okay, here is a pic of the very first time I ever held a gun. Woo-hoo! I love going to the shooting range.

Okay, computer. . . give me some of that sweet, sweet stuff. Most diverse group yet. First person they give me is Oprah Winfrey. Hehe. Then we have Eddie Murphey, Spike Lee (what the hell man?), Carrie Underwood, and Beyonce Knowles. Okay, seriously. . . maybe not so much diverse as it just contains a lot of black people. Maybe it was my shirt?

All right, last picture, I promise. This is one of me in front of a waterfall when World Traveler and I went to North Carolina. Nice and outdoorsy.

And here goes nothing. And the Oscar goes to. . . Matthew Perry (hot, don't you think?), Spike Lee (again?!?), Samuel L. Jackson (I have always thought he was hot), Eddie Murphy, and Meryl Streep.

Now I just don't know whether this database is crap or whether I'm just very versatile in who I can look like. And I mean very versatile.

Celebrity Lookalikes

2006-08-04T01:41:00.000-04:00

There is a website that I have discovered on my random search of new and exciting material on the web. It is called My Heritage and it actually allows you to scan a picture of yourself into the computer so that they can supposedly scan your face and tell you what celebrities you most look like. I could not resist doing this. I've only done one picture so far and the results were surprising, to say the least. Below is the picture that I scanned in.

Apparently, the list of celebrities they came up with that most resembled me were Drew Berrymore, Hillary Clinton (what???), Julianne Moore, Shakira, Elizabeth Taylor, Christina Ricci, and Anne Hathaway. Huh. Very diverse group, wouldn't you say? Maybe my readers out there could suggest who I really look like. Be kind please. Does my face actually resemble any of these people? I intend on uploading another picture later to see what other group I get. I'll post those results as well. This is so much fun. You really should try it. It's great when you're bored and have nothing else to do.

By the way, the past two days have been awful because my boyfriend has been out of town. **Sigh.** No IM's or emails from work as has been our habit. He gets back in tonight. However, he has been calling every chance he can. He called me tonight and then I had to go because I arrived at work as I am working the overnight shift at the shelter. He then called me an hour later just to say that he was trying to sleep, but couldn't because he was thinking of me and he needed to hear my voice. How sweet is that? We see each other again Saturday. The really, really, really bad thing is that he leaves to go out of town AGAIN on Sunday and doesn't get back until Friday. And because of my work schedule, we're probably not even going to see each other until Monday. So that will be really hard. I swear, I think I'm falling hard for this guy. I also really admire Laura for doing a long distance relationship for so long and I have no idea how she did it.

Before I sign out on this post, I want to wish my good friend Luke a very happy birthday. Happy Birthday Luke! Don't think I've forgotten about you in all the excitement over my social life. I love you and miss you!

Can I be a talk show host please?

2006-08-03T00:04:00.000-04:00

Greg Behrendt, the author of the best-selling book, "He's Just Not that Into You, is getting his own talk show. That's right ladies and gentleman. . . we have reached the bottom of the barrel. Apparently, Hollywood thinks he has valuable relationship advice to offer the national public.

My question is: what are his qualifications exactly? Why do millions of women flock to hear his so-called words of wisdom about men and relationships? Is he some sort of psychologist? No. Has he done extensive study on the subject? No. He's just some random guy who screwed a bunch of ladies over in the past before he found his one true love and now he's waking women up to the truth about their philandering, lieing, disappearing, loser boyfriends/husbands.

So let's look at some of the chapters to his book, shall we?
He's not that into you if he's not calling you.
He's not that into you if he's disappearing on you.
He's not that into you if he's not having sex with you.
He's not that into you if he's having sex with someone else.
He's not that into you if he's married to someone else. (okay, seriously. . . did that one even need to be said??)
He's not that into you if he's not marrying you.

There are several others, but that's the gist. So tell me. . . all of that's basically true, right? But was there anything particularly insightful there? All he did was write a book and say all the things that women were thinking deep down, but were afraid to say. Nothing new, nothing extraordinary. And for that, the man gets his own show. I don't get it. I give it one season. The sad thing is that I may actually watch one episode. I did look at some of the episode descriptions and he is doing a little bit more than boy/girl relationship advice stuff. . . but is anyone going to want to watch him at anything else? And the first time he utters those words, "He's just not that into you" to a guest, I'm going to hurl his stupid book through the TV.

Really, I think I deserve my own talk show. Come on, I deserve it. I have tons of life experience and I have dated a lot of losers. Now, I think I may have actually stumbled upon a relationship that's real. Hey, if that isn't a qualification to dole out relationship advice to thousands of strangers, I don't know what is.

First Date. . . or 30th?

2006-07-29T04:02:00.000-04:00

I am kind of floating on a cloud right now and it's all thanks to Leather Boy. Actually, I call him Boy Wonder. That's my nickname for him. He has one for me too. It's G. Don't ask. They're just inside jokes. I guess you can tell that our first date on Wednesday went really well. I was extremely nervous because I wanted it to go well. Things have gone so well for us on the phone and I didn't want to screw it up. He brought me presents, which I thought was really sweet. There was a book that he had told me about on a previous phone call, called Stupid and Contagious. He bought me that book, along with another hilarious book, called This Book will Change your Life. He said that since we have been talking on the phone so much, the presents totally brought us up to date# 30. Ha. I like his math. It's funny how all the nervousness just went away within five minutes and then we were joking and laughing as if we were on the phone with each other. After dinner, we went back to my place and just hung out and watched TV. And no. . . nothing happened. Nothing beyond kissing. We are taking things slow with the whole sex thing. For the first time, I want to do this right. Even though it seems we've known each other forever, I still want to wait a little bit before taking that step. He actually agrees with me.

We have been talking and emailing ever since then. We couldn't talk Thursday night because I did go out with Seth. Seth and I had fun catching up and we saw The Breakup, which was a really cute and funny movie. It didn't necessarily end how I thought it was going to, but it was still good. I felt like a giddy schoolgirl because I could not stop thinking about Boy Wonder. He actually gave me a wake-up call on Friday morning, which was really nice. Also, on Friday night, we spoke and had a long conversation about past relationships and monogamy and basically, this is it. I don't mean to suggest that we are headed to the altar anytime soon or that I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with for sure. But I do know that we are committed to not seeing other people. I am so happy right now. I love how he makes me feel and I like that he can be completely open about how he feels about me. We have this amazing connection. He said that he feels like he finally found someone that he can make an eharmony commercial with. Isn't that sweet?

We did have our 2nd real time date last night and we had just as much fun as the first one. Who knew that I could feel this much this fast? I just hope that I don't do anything to screw it up. We are just so completely in sync with each other that he actually worries the same thing. But I think we can both relax. He keeps talking about the future and future plans and we even have a song now. Really, if I sound too much like a giggling, lovesick teenager, just reach through the computer and slap me upside the head. I almost want to slap myself. Whatever. . . I'm just going to enjoy the moment.

Survey

2006-07-27T13:26:00.000-04:00

Nice little survey I found on some random blog. I did have my first date with Leather Boy. Not to worry, I will blog all about it on a later post. Just thought I would take a break from my busy social life and have a little fun. Anyone who wants to copy this survey, feel free.

GRUB-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice? Thousand Island
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Chick-fil-A
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Anything with spicy food
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15-20%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Mexican
Name three foods you detest above all others. beans, bananas, and tomatoes
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Have no favorite dish. It varies
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Extra cheese, lots of meat, jalapeno peppers
What do you like to put on your toast? Strawberry jelly
What is your favorite type of gum? Don’t chew gum

TECH-OLOGY

Number of contacts in your cell phone? I don’t know. . . 20??
Number of contacts in your email address book? More than my cell phone, probably less than 30. I don’t know exactly
What is your wallpaper on your computer? Picture of me with a gun
What is your screensaver on your computer? Blank screen.
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Oh yeah. . . and those will never be on this blog. I’m sure all of you will be very relieved
How many land line phones do you have in your house? None. I only use a cell phone.
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? The stove. . . I rarely cook.
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? Top 40’s.
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? 2 . . . well, I guess three if you count the remote that goes with one of them. Hey, I told you I need sex on a regular basis and when a girl’s alone. . . you gotta do what you gotta do.

BI-OLOGY

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Jesus, I have no idea. Maybe the people who know me can tell me. My butt? My smile?
Are you right handed or left handed? Right handed
Do you like your smile? Sometimes
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Nope
Would you like to? Sure, the fat from my stomach would be nice
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Nope. I get in and get out.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Smell
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never, I am proud to say
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? Grad school textbook
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Never

MISC-OLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? As controlling as I am, I think that even some things should remain a mystery
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Mmm. . . Savannah, I think. It’s kind of sexy and it was actually my fake name during my time as a phone actress. Yes, you heard me. I did that.
How do you express your artistic side? Refer to the prior question.
What color do you think you look best in? oh, I look good in anything. . . but black is very slimming
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? I’m tough, so I could think I could take it for, oh, let’s say . . . a good week.
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Hair. Don’t even ask how, you wouldn’t want to know. And then there are other non-food items that have . . . let’s just say. . . surprised me.
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Have you met my family? God, no.
How often do you go to church? Never. I am against organized religion in all its forms.
Have you ever saved someone's life? Not that I’m aware of. I have donated blood though, so who knows?
Has someone ever saved yours? Not unless you count all my friends who have saved my life simply by being there for me when I have needed you the most. You guys have been more family to me than my own. Thank you Luke, Dos, Seth, and Laura.

DARE-OLOGY

For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? I’d probably even do it for less . . . clothes are so restricting. I love being nude!
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Hell, yeah.
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Again, I’d probably even do it for less. We’re talking money here. And how hard would it be to get it up for a hot woman?
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Hmm . . . this might take a little bit more money and little bit more morphine. And I think the amount of money would depend on the finger.
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Absolutely
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? I am such a slut. I would do it for $2,000, As World Traveler would have said, I am a “Free Spirit.” Ha.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Hey, my taste buds have been ingesting things a lot hotter all my life. This is not a problem.
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? If it was guaranteed I wouldn’t get caught or punished, then yes. . . bonus points for it being a Bush-loving, conservative, redneck.
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? I wouldn’t shave my head, but everything else, why not?
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? I think it might take slightly more money to entice me to give up TV for an entire year

Blissful

2006-07-24T17:27:00.000-04:00

Well, I the past few days have been really nice. I did have a date on Friday. It was a coffee date with European Count. We talked for a while. I don't know if I'll hear from him again and honestly, I'm not sure if I want to. There were several things that irked me about him. But actually, he reminded me a lot of Robert. That really bothered me. So if he did ask me out again, I don't think I'll do it. Even though I generally like to give a guy at least three dates before writing him off.

Anyway, I have been having quite the relationship via phone with a guy that I met on eharmony. I think I'll call him. . . . Leather Boy. Don't even ask about that one. We talked on the phone for the first time last Thursday and we talked for two hours. He's funny and smart and seems really interesting. Then we IM'd each other from work the next day and basically talked all day long. . . yeah, that's 8 hours. And last night, we had a good 3 1/2 hour conversation. You would think that we would run out of things to talk about, but we haven't yet. He works for the military and we both think the same way about a lot of things. We crack each other up constantly. It's great. Today, he said that I was like a drug. He compared me to crack. He seems to find me funny and smart and exciting, which is cool. I find him extremely interesting as well. He asked me to get together with him. We haven't even met yet, so this seems a bit crazy. We have plans for this Saturday, but he said that he can't wait that long to meet me. So we're going to try to meet sometime this week. I'm a little nervous, as is he. I think this could turn into something, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up. We haven't even met yet, so we both know that anything can still happen. I am still emailing a couple of other guys, but honestly none of them are packing the same spark that this one is. But I have the tendency to drop others once one shows a little promise. I'm trying hard not to do that, especially since we haven't even had one date yet. So we shall see.

Believe it or not, my life is not all about guys right now. Tomorrow night, I am getting together with an old friend that I haven't seen in months and we haven't had a chance to really hang out in a year. We used to work together at Coca-Cola and she's awesome. Frankly, since Kim dropped me and Cindy is in L.A., I need a girl's night out. It will be nice to have some girl talk and catch up with her. So much has happened in both of our lives since last we spoke. Last time we had dinner, I had just broken up with Robert (so I was majorly depressed) and I had just lost my job. I'm also trying to get in touch with Seth to see if he will go see Mama Mia with me this week. It's only here for a couple of days, I really want to see it, and Seth is the only person I know who likes musicals like me. Of course, Seth has spent the last two days with his boyfriend so I haven't been able to talk to him. I haven't seen Seth since Gay Pride. I did tell Leather Boy that the day I'm able to see him this week depends on the day that Seth is able to see the play with me. So I am totally committed to not blowing off plans to be with him, especially since I haven't seen Seth in so long. But I am really excited about meeting this guy. Oh man, something tells me I am in trouble.

My Crazy Life Part Two

2006-07-19T12:17:00.000-04:00

So things are kaput with World Traveler and I am getting back into the swing of things of course. I had a date last night with a guy I'll call Math Professor. Please don't be dense enough to ask me how I came up with that nickname. We haven't really been emailing that long. He seems like a nice guy. When we talked on the phone the other day, he actually seemed nervous, which I found a little charming I must admit. I'm not really sure what to make of the date. We went out for Indian food. We both like spicy food. We did have fairly decent conversation. I'm not sure if there were instant sparks or not. I'm feeling kind of mediocre about it, I think. I guess we'll see if he asks me out for a second date or not. If he does, I'll say yes. My motto is to give a guy three dates before I make the decision on whether there is no chemistry or not. The guy is actually moving to Tampa in a month, so we'll see what happens. Distance isn't a deal breaker for me, so I guess it just depends on what happens between now and then.

I do have another date with another guy this Friday. His nickname is European Count. We've been emailing a couple of weeks. He seems funny and interesting. We've been playing phone tag for a couple of days. In the midst of all the phone tag, we did manage to make plans to meet for coffee on Friday. That one should be interesting. He has an accent. I'm trying to place it. But I have no idea where it's from.

I also joined a dating service last week. Yes, another one. So this one is a little more discriminating. They do background checks on all their members to screen out the ones that are married and the ones that are convicted felons. Okay, so get this. Apparently, according to a friend of my father's, I am being too picky and will never get a man. What?? Too picky? Yes, I am too picky. According to him, I should not necessarily disqualify EVERY single convicted felon like this service is doing. Also, I shouldn't dump guys who go a week without talking to me. And this service discriminates against people. Yeah, I admit it. Look at the guys I've been meeting through the services that don't discriminate. So I have no problem trying my luck at a service that says I deserve better than a convicted criminal. And I am not picky because I have standards. We aren't talking about deciding on what brand of ketchup I should buy. We're talking about deciding on the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. You have to have some standards. You have to have your limits. Otherwise, you'll wind up with the first loser who comes along (like so many others in this stupid town). I just know what I want and I know what I deserve. So I have my deal breakers and maybe you guys can tell me whether I'm being too picky or not. Here are my deal breakers (in no particular order):

1. must have job
2. must be non-smoker
3. can't have criminal record (we're not talking speeding tickets here. those are
okay.)
4. must be single
5. can not be into organized religion (I don't necessarily care if the person I'm
with believes in a higher power, but since I don't respect organized religion, I
can't be with someone affiliated with one)
6. must have similar political beliefs
7. must need sex on a regular basis (just threw that one in there for fun. but
seriously, I need it. . . all the time. Just ask any of my exes. I wore them
out.)

I'm not really going to say too much about personality because that's a given. Who doesn't want someone who's smart or honest? But these are really the only things I have to have in a guy. And when it comes right down to it, is that really so much to ask?

My Crazy Life Part One

2006-07-19T12:00:00.000-04:00

It has been such a crazy week and a half. Things have been up and down and up and down. I'll try to keep it short and simple. Things are kaput with World Traveler. He kind of lost interest in me. He went over a week without talking to me. I actually called him after 4 days and you know what his excuse was? Playing video games and camping with some friend. O-kay. Sure. He could tell I was upset about something, but I told him that I would talk about it with him when he got back from his trip. He said he would call me back. That was last Thursday. You know when I heard from him? MONDAY. Seriously. Guys are idiots. . . and cowards. I had decided in my head that it was over. I mean, if I was overreacting, feel free to tell me I was wrong. But I feel like if he was really interested in me, then he would not have gone that long without talking to me. I wasn't even a blip on his radar. I told him that it was over and he acted like it was some huge surprise. He said this is how guys are (yeah, right) and they just go and do their thing. I said that if he liked me, he would have called at some point and obviously, this thing wasn't going anywhere. He didn't even deny that part. He said that if I couldn't handle how he worked, then maybe we weren't a good match and that he was of the mindset that if you love something, you should set it free. What a crock. If he really cared or wanted something more with me, he wouldn't have gone 8 days without talking to me. He probably just did it so I would break up with him. But I am not playing the same games I played with Robert. If I see that a guy doesn't want a future with me, I'm not going to wait around, hoping that he'll change his mind, just so I can end up with a broken heart in the end. Anyway, I'm proud of myself for doing the right thing. I haven't been the dumper in a while. Just because I have no guts. I'm disappointed that things did not work out, but I'm not heartbroken. But anyone can tell me if I was wrong for dumping him. I just think that the fact that he didn't deny that he didn't see a future with me says a lot. Obviously, he did not have any regard for my feelings. More to come on the rest of my crazy week in another installment.

So sleepy

2006-07-09T10:51:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a good one. I went out to dinner with my family on Friday. I hadn't been out with them in a while. Other than one racist comment from my uncle, I had a decent time. Except for the fact that I was sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. I am such a girl. I hadn't heard from World Traveler since Wednesday and I was starting to wander what was going on. I did work on Friday night and of course, I couldn't concentrate. Got off at 7 am, went home and slept. . . or should I say, I tossed and turned. I did sleep for several hours though. It's weird. Dating someone for three weeks and it's getting to the point where not hearing from him causes my stomach to knot up. What's even worse is that I have no idea how he feels about me. He did contact me Saturday afternoon. He wanted to get together. Okay, so theoretically I should have said no. That's according to every single dating advice book out there. But who am I kidding? I have yet to follow a single rule with this guy from the start. We did have fun. We just hung out at his place. He made dinner, I kicked his ass in Scrabble, and he taught me how to dance. He taught me the basics of the waltz, the fox trot, and the tango. That was fun.

Seriously, I hate dating. I want to skip this whole uncertainty phase and just be married already. I don't know if he's the one or not (if such a person exists). I know we have great chemistry, we have a lot in common, we have fun together, and he makes me laugh. I could see myself with him long-term, but the problem is that I have no idea how he feels. He knows that I am seeing other people and it doesn't seem to affect him that much. Or maybe it does and he just isn't showing it. I know he isn't seeing anyone else. Ugh. . . dating is such a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. I am going to talk to him about things soon though. Like whether he sees any long-term potential in me or not. If he doesn't, then it's better that I know now. Before I get anymore invested than I already am. I can't continue to date someone who sees me as nothing more than someone to hang out with and sleep with. I learned that from Robert. Look at me. I'm growing. What the hell?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Sweet, sweet vacation

2006-07-02T15:16:00.000-04:00

My vacation in the mountains with World Traveler was. . . marvelous. We had an amazing time and it was just what I needed after these last few weeks of stress and drama. We went up to this little cabin in North Carolina and spent the night. The next day, we went to this state park and hiked a little around some really pretty waterfalls. Things are going so well with this guy and I almost hate to say that because I'm sure it will jinx it. He's so funny and great. We did find out a lot more about each other, which is a good thing. Sometimes, there are a few things about him that make me wander. But I have to get over this idea that whoever I end up with is going to be perfect and is going to have every single quality I want. So I just really need to look at what the true deal breakers are and see whether he is long-term potential or not. I'm also trying really, really hard to just take it one day at a time. It's hard though because I'm so damn impatient. We did have a talk about seeing other people. He joked that apparently, I'm allowed to date other guys, but I can't sleep with them. Uh. . . sure. But he's not seeing anyone else right now. He knows that there are a few guys on my radar and he knows he can't really say anything about it since I don't think either one of us are really ready to commit yet. It's only been two weeks, so it may be just a little too soon.

I'm just so used to guys disappearing on me that I'm waiting for this one to do the same thing. Silly, huh? I'm just waiting for him to realize that he can do better or that I'm not nearly as interesting as he thinks I am. But for some reason, he does think I'm interesting. And smart. And sexy. Crazy, huh? I don't really consider myself any of those things. I have self-esteem issues major. But I don't think this one is going to run away quite yet. We'll see what happens. Why can't I just shut my overanalytical mind off and enjoy this?

In over my head

2006-06-27T16:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I knew that dating was exhausting and I was right. I'm not sure how things are going with World Traveler. I guess it depends on who you would ask. Things seem to be going great. . . on the surface. We had three dates last week. That's right, three. He calls when he says he will. He calls when I'm not expecting him to. Things might be moving a little fast. Of course, we're not exclusive by a long shot and I'm sure he's fine with that. I'm definitely cool with taking it one day at a time. However, I'm not sure he's "long-term" material. But how many more dates should I give him before I can trust my gut instinct and call it quits? I'm really bad about that. He's funny and smart and we have great chemistry. There are just a couple of nagging things that I'm not sure about. I just don't know if I'm being too picky or if these are genuine things to be concerned about. Or maybe it really is too early to tell. Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing way too damn much. We're actually going on an overnight trip to the mountains tomorrow night. A mini-vacation of sorts. I guess we'll see how that trip goes. I just think I need to make a decision before I get too emotionally invested and it gets harder to let go. But I won't make the same mistake I made with Robert. If I know it's not going to work out long-term, I'm letting go.

It had been a while since I had heard from Doc, so I was beginning to wander if maybe I had misjudged our date. But then he emailed me and said that he just got busy with work and he definitely wanted to go out with me again. So I shot him another email and told him to call me and we could try to set something up. I guess that's just the life of a doctor. I also have a date with another guy that I'll call Math Tutor this Saturday night. I know, I know. I'm a busy girl. I'm trying to keep myself that way. I need to evaluate all my options here. I'm trying to make other plans so that World Traveler doesn't take me for granted. He wanted to take me out last minute tonight, but I told him I had other plans. That wasn't a lie. He assumes I'm dating someone else, which of course I am (just not tonight). It's hard to tell if he's jealous or not. I swear. Men are so confusing. I think I am just a little in over my head. I usually am where men are concerned.

Goodbyes

2006-06-24T21:59:00.000-04:00

I'm going to take a break from discussing my wonderful dating journey to discuss something a bit more serious. I have just been dumped by my best friend. Kim, my best friend of six years, has decided that she does not want to be friends with me anymore. This, and the reasons behind it, have come as a big surprise.

Kim and I did get into an argument a couple of weeks ago, but apparently this is not the reason for this decision. The argument was apparently a misunderstanding anyway. I had told her that I would be busy for the next couple of weeks, which was not a lie. I have taken on an extra class this session and these last couple of weeks have been a bit crazy for me. I have had a couple of papers (including a ten page research paper), a debate to work on, a final, an interview project to work on, and I have also worked a couple of double shifts. The email that she sent me on Friday was sarcastic, mean, and insulting, which is extremely hurtful considering how long we have been friends. I feel like I deserved better. She told me that she could not be friends with me anymore because of how busy I have been. That's right, I am too busy to call or go out with her so she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She said that busy people make time for the people who are important to them. She said that she obviously is not important to me because I don't call to make plans and because I just have too much going on.

I can't believe she would throw away a friendship because of this. I have gone weeks without talking to Seth and months without talking to Cindy before because of how busy everyone gets. Not once do any of us doubt our friendship because of it. On one hand, I feel guilty. But on the other hand, I feel like if she were really my friend, she would have understood that sometimes school comes first. It has to. It doesn't mean my friends are any less important to me. But right now, with my two jobs and grad school, I can't always be as social as I would like. Is that wrong? I'm working towards a goal that's very important and if I have a ton of papers and projects, what am I supposed to do?

It just seems hard to believe that it's over. We have been through a lot together, some good, some bad. It's funny because in the last few years she has done so many things to me that have really made me question how important I was to her. But I stuck it through. That was just the loyalty I felt for our friendship. I guess she did not feel the same loyalty. I really don't know what to make or feel about this. I feel hurt and angry and so many other things. I'm even more hurt that she couldn't send me a calm email explaining how she felt before making this decision. I'm hurt that she would write the email in such a manner as to be insulting and to try to make me feel guilty. I think that I deserved better.

The dating merry-go-round

2006-06-20T14:37:00.000-04:00

Two dates in less than a week? Say it ain't so. I guess when I get out there, I get out there. I spoke with another guy that I met on match.com this past Saturday. I'm calling him World Traveler. Yeah, I call him that because he's been to Egypt. Pathetic maybe, but I'm not creative enough to come up with a better nickname for him. Anyway, we've talked online a couple of times and once we were talking until 3:30 in the morning. He seems funny and really smart and totally cool. I wasn't even sure he was that into me because he hadn't asked me out yet. But then he did ask me to go on a picnic with him on Sunday after I got off work. It was a really great first date. And when I say great. . . wow. He was cute, funny, smart, charming, etc. It went really, really well. Then, he said he'd call the next day. . . and he did. Fancy that. I'm really kind of proud of myself though for not putting all my emotional eggs in one basket. Even though I really like this guy and would like to see him again, I'm still out there trying to get another date. I have to meet all those fish that are supposedly out there, right? And things may not work out with this guy. Besides, I want to focus my attention on others so that I don't agonize over this one and then maybe I won't seem to desperate if (or when) I see him again.

I did go to this interesting website called Hurry Date and it's kind of like speed dating. They have all these speed dating events and I'm thinking of going just so I can get out of my comfort zone a little bit. They are actually having a wine tasting event later this week. It's not a speed dating thing; it's just a place for singles to meet and I'm thinking of going. I might as well go where the singles will be. I think my horoscope for today says it all:

"Push yourself out of your comfort zone or the universe may do it for you. If you take the initiative, you'll be able to create space to do more of the things that truly enrich your life. Your life is about to change."

I guess I'm just nervous because I'll be going by myself. But then again, guys don't like approaching women who are surrounded by a bunch of other women, anyway. It'll be fun to meet other single people. I may get a hot guy's phone number, but even if I don't at least it'll be something fun to do.

Getting back on that damn horse. . .

2006-06-17T01:21:00.000-04:00

I had my first date in almost a year. Can I just say that I was petrified? Maybe petrified isn't exactly the right word. . . or maybe it is. Hell, I don't know. All I know is that I don't think I have had this many butterflies in my stomach since I was 21 and young and stupid. I still consider myself young, just not so stupid. Maybe I just haven't had a date in so long that I've forgotten what first-date butterflies are like. In any case, I met Med Student guy on Thursday and he's actually not a med student; he's a doctor. So we'll upgrade his nickname to Doc. Catchy, I know. He was really late because of traffic. He was considerate though and called me. I was understanding because hey, if anyone knows what Atlanta traffic is like in rush hour, it's me. So we meet and I forget to be nervous. He asks me questions, I ask him questions. I'm trying hard not to monopolize the conversation, but he's making it hard because he seems so damn interested. We had pho, which was delicious. He had never had it before and he really liked it. We hit it off really well. There weren't really any awkward silences or anything like that. It's hard to tell if there's chemistry, but it's only our first date. I'm 97% sure there's going to be 2nd one. He did mention taking me out for Thai food (to a specific restaurant) and we were even trying to pin down a specific date before we left the restaurant. It's kind of hard with my schedule so I think he's going to call. But I'm not going to obsess. With this whole dating thing, I can't take things personally. Guys are going to call or they won't. It may be me or it may not. In the meantime, I'm going to keep up my "volume dating." But it's exhausting continuously search for guys on these damn sites. Not to mention expensive.

I have made a decision about my search criteria. I think I may actually let up on the one about dating a guy with kids. I was thinking about my deal breakers when it comes to guys I am going to be in a long term relationship with and I was thinking about whether that should be one of them or not. Anyone have an opinion on that one? When I have children, I had already decided that I am not going to biologically give birth to any children anyway. I am just going to adopt. So as long as the guy is willing to expand his family, that should be good enough, right? I'm still thinking about my criteria for distance. How far is too far? I mean, let's face it. I'm not going to be in Georgia forever anyway. But I am going to be here for the next year and a half. Do I want to do long distance? Decisions, decisions.

Spinning round and round like a merry go round

2006-06-11T18:55:00.000-04:00

I know, you probably thought I was passed out from exhaustion. . . probably from another car accident. It's been so long since my last entry. My life has been work, school, work, school, work, school. . . and did I mention more work? I feel like I'm a little ovverwhelmed since the end of the semester is coming up. I have paper upon paper and Father's Day couldn't have come at a worse time. But this weekend I managed to get a lot of work done so I actually feel better about everything. It's all about priorites.

I've decided to go another round in the oh so wonderful world of yahoo personals, match.com, and myspace. What have I gotten myself into? I don't know if my schedule can take it. Hell, I don't know if my body can take it. Take from that statement what you will. I have a tentative date with someone I'll call Mr. Med Student this Thursday. I'm supposed to talk to another guy who I'll call Mr. World Traveler about making plans tonight. I have no idea when I'm going to squeeze him in, but I guess I will check my calendar and try my best. I never thought I would have to check my calendar to plan a date. I hope these guys aren't put off by the fact that I'm too busy. I hope that I'm not spreading myself too thin. I'm trying to cut back my hours at the shelter. They can just do without me working all the extra hours. I need a life. Besides, it's kind of fun getting in dating mode again.

Abigail

2006-05-31T10:30:00.000-04:00

My sister had a small scare with the new baby. Abigail had to be rushed to another hospital to go to neonatal intensive care yesterday. Her heart rate had dropped, she was having trouble breathing, and she had a lot of fluid in her lungs. We were really worried for a little while, but I think she's going to be okay. Thank goodness. My sister has decided to blame the hospital that she gave birth in. Granted, it is a small hospital, but the hospital wasn't to blame for Abigail being sick. Maybe (just maybe), it has something to do with the fact that my sister smoked for the entire time that she was pregnant. Apparently, one thing has nothing to do with the other. At least the baby is going to be okay. The pediatrician is supposed to tell them exactly what's going on with the baby today. Now Jenifer says she's going to quit, but whatever. That's crap.

A new car and a new baby

2006-05-28T16:32:00.000-04:00

The new car is mine, but not the baby. Ha. Please. Did you really think that? I got a new (used) car and it's great. Hopefully, my bad voodoo will not transfer to this car and I will keep it for a long time. Think good thoughts. It's a 2005 Dodge Neon and I got a great deal on it. And on the advice of Suze Orman, I shopped around for financing beforehand and Capital One offered me a great interest rate. . . a far better one than the dealership would have offered me. Capital One just sent me a blank check and I was good to go. It was so easy. Almost too easy, really. But I love my new car.

My sister had her baby this morning. . . a baby girl. So now I have a niece as well as a nephew. I haven't had a chance to go see her though. Stupid me thought that I was actually going to have a decent work schedule this weekend. Ha. Stupid me forgot that I signed myself up to work a double shift at the shelter today. I had planned to go to the hospital with my grandmother after my shift ended at 3. Then one of the residents asked me if I was working a double. Of course I replied that I wasn't. Then she wanted to know who was coming in at 3 to replace me. So I looked at the calendar to see and I'm like, "Yeah. . . I guess I'm sticking around a little longer than I thought." Silliness. Oh well. I can always go see her tomorrow. I'm off tomorrow anyway since it's Memorial Day. And I don't have class. . . and I'm going to the Rob Thomas concert tomorrow night. Woo-hoo! So I guess I'll go see my new niece sometime tomorrow. Her name is Abigail, by the way. Of course, my sister will insist on calling her Abby. Why do parents do that? So stupid. Why not just put Abby on her birth certificate if that's what you're going to call her? I may just call her Abigail for spite. Hehe.

My stupid, stupid, stupid TiVO. Yes, I am insulting the greatest invention since sliced bread. Somehow, my TiVO (or maybe me, I refuse to say for sure) lost the 2 hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy! I know that it recorded, but somehow it deleted itself. Yeah, I know how crazy it sounds. And I've been trying to see how I can get those two hours back. Of course, there are still three episodes of the season that I haven't watched, but what happens when I watch them? I'm going to be at a loss because there will be no season finale. They aren't releasing season 2 of Grey's Anatomy on DVD until September 12th and that may or may not be in time for the 3rd season. If it's before the 3rd season, then great. I can get it from Netflix. If not, then there is no way I can watch season 3 without knowing what happened on season 2. I know, I know. I'm so freaky that way. I tried to download the program that Luke has in order to get TV shows off the Internet. I have the program and I was so close to being able to download those last two episodes. But apparently I have a stupid firewall on my router and I have to reconfigure my whole router. The whole process is so stupid and complicated that I just gave up. . . for now. So I'm hoping for reruns (which won't happen for months anyway, if at all) or I'll just wait for September for Netflix. It will be torture though. In the meantime, for all you Grey's Anatomy fans out there. . . do NOT spoil it for me. I mean it! I don't want to know anything that happens.

Fun with Luke!

2006-05-20T20:54:00.000-04:00

This week has just flown by, probably because I spent it with Luke. I had a great time with him. He was busy with work and still managed to take time off from work to spend with me. Even though I didn't necessarily get to spend as much time with him as I would have liked because of the whole work thing, I still got to spend tons of time with him and we had so much fun. My first night there, he made me brownies. He has never baked me anything before, much to my chagrin. I have been disappointed by this, but he more than made up for it. The brownies were sooo yummy. The best part about going to Luke's was that I got to catch up on my sleep. I'm not kidding. I slept so much. . . but only when he was at work. Well, mostly. Hehe. It was very relaxing. We went to dinner with his friend Jake and his wife Rachel. We had yummy Mexican food and then played some weird board game at Jake's. Everyone totally kicked my ass, but whatever. I was a good sport. Kind of. We also got to attend Rochester's Lilac Festival. It was actually pretty weather and the lilacs were so incredibly gorgeous. They smelled amazing as well. I love flowers. We had a lot of fun. The rest of the week was spent spending time with his family (who are really cool), eating tons of great food (seriously, I miss dim sum at Golden Port already), and enjoying more of the wonderfulness of Rochester. I can't believe I just said that either, but Rochester does have some really nice views. Luke also gave me a birthday present. Yay! He gave me a couple of books that I have been wanting forever and one of them is Suze Orman's book, "The money book for the young, fabulous, and broke." I love her. She is such a financial genius and the book is amazing. She has some GREAT tips on buying a car, which is what I need at this very moment. I have already read a good portion of the book. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this present. Thanks again Luke!!

Okay, so my flight was cool. I actually slept for pretty much all of it. (Big surprise, huh?) I get to the airport parking lot where I left my car and what do I find? My rental car has been hit. Seriously. . . a hit and run. Great thing to come home to. The damage isn't too bad; it's just a small dent. But still. For crying out loud. So I'm sitting there waiting for the police so I can file the report and I'm thinking that there has to be a voodoo curse on me or something. But then I just make a decision. I do not want to be one of "those" types of people. You know the kind I'm talking about. The kind that just complains all the time and everything. I just keep remembering Luke's tribute to me in his blog last year. He said that the quality he liked most about me was the way I never let life get me down. I just keep "chugging along," as he said. I think I probably annoy Cindy with my endless supply of optimism and support. In the last few weeks, it just seems like everything has hit me full force and so many things are happening at once. I just have to remind myself that good things are happening too and there really isn't anything I can do about the bad stuff. I just have to deal with it and move on. I feel better about things now that I've just decided not to let things get me down. Sometimes you can decide if you want to let life kick you while you're down or not. I'm going to keep smiling through every single curveball that life throws at me. I do have a lot going for me. I can be thankful that I wasn't killed in my car accident and that the only thing that needs to be replaced is the car. I can be thankful that my dad is allowing me to live rent free in my own space with him while I'm going to school. I can be thankful that I'm going to school in order to do something that I know I'm going to love and that I will (hopefully) be good at. Even though I'm not religious, I can still count my blessings, so to speak. A lot of times I feel like I'm 26 and I have no direction. But when I think that, I should look at my sister's life. At least, I work hard for my money. I even have a job that is related to the career that I want to be in (finally) and this time next year, I will be in the middle of my practicum and I will have patients. Can you believe it? Someone's healthcare will be in my hands. It's scary and exciting at the same time. So I have a direction. It's just going to take a little while to get there. That's not always such a bad thing.

Well, I guess I've rambled on for long enough. I'm at work currently. It's been a long weekend and I'm going car shopping tomorrow after work. I already have one in mind. It's a 2005 Lancer with 26K on it and they're asking $9900 for it. That seems like a pretty good deal to me. I'm having my best friend Seth to go with me so they don't try to add on those stupid fees that dealers always try to add on. Bastards. Wish me luck!

Bahamian Pics

2006-05-13T18:10:00.000-04:00

Here are a few pics from the Bahamas. . . it was oh so amazing. I really wish I was still in the Bahamas. Or San Francisco. Anywhere but here really.

Still organizing pics from San Francisco. . . I'll post some of those later. . .

Crazy Week

2006-05-12T09:22:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't blogged since I returned from my trip, but it's been a little crazy this week. I guess it's a little harder than I thought it would be getting back into the swing of things after a nice, long ten day vacation. Immediately upon my return, I had to deal with bills, school, work, and endless other responsibilities that had piled up while I was gone. I have also been detoxing foodwise. Believe it or not, my stomach was upset a lot of the time I was in SF and I think it was because of all the heavy junk food. I was eating healthy for the past few days and my stomach was feeling better. Then I had a craving for McDonald's last night and I got sick again. Seriously, my stomach hates me right now so I have to be careful. I have been in the process of organizing the pictures from my trip. I will probably post some tomorrow so that you guys can see how amazing my trip really was. I did come back from my trip energized and refreshed, so that was something. I needed the relaxation, that's for sure. What's really weird is that I turned 26 during the course of my trip. I don't feel any older. I actually turned 26 the day I left the Bahamas. I didn't mention it in my last blog entry because I actually forgot. Can you believe it? Maybe it was all the fresh air and sunshine that made me just forget everything. I didn't remember until I woke up the next morning and Kim is giving me birthday wishes and a present. Sure, I appreciated the gift, but my primary thought was, "Great, one more thing I have to struggle to pack with all my other Bahamas souvenirs." Hehe. All the people in the airport did keep wishing me a Happy Birthday. When I was in Atlanta and checking in for my flight to SF, the guy at the ticket counter offered to sing to me. I should have taken him up on it. Of course, I wish he would have offered me a free business class upgrade. That would have been nice. Hehe.

Okay, so the night before I left for my trip was not good at all. I was in a car accident. Oy. I have actually been in several in my lifetime (too many to count). My driving has actually gotten better if you can believe it. Technically, I didn't get in a car accident because I was a bad driver. I fell asleep at the wheel. Yeah, I'm not kidding. One minute, I was trying to keep myself awake with the air conditioning and the radio and literally, the very next minute I was on the side of the road. I didn't even realize I had hit another car at first because I did not feel the impact at all. It was very scary to just fall asleep like that. Luckily, no one was hurt. The cops thought I was drunk. It was a clear sign that I need to take better care of myself and start getting more sleep. Seth got mad at me when he heard. He's been worried about me anyway because he thinks I'm pushing myself too hard and now he's upset because this is proof and I could have been killed. Anyway, I've been trying to deal with my car stuff this week. I didn't think the damage was that bad, but apparently my car is totaled. I'm thinking that I don't have time to look for another car, which is ironic since I should be making more time for myself anyway. Luckily, I did have gap insurance so I'm not going to have to worry about losing money on my car or anything. And I'm going to try to find something a little cheaper so that my car payments are lower. Maybe if I save myself some money, I won't feel that I need to push myself as hard with my jobs. We'll see what happens.

So that's been my week so far. That, and classes and work. There has been other stuff, but I'm actually still a little upset over it so I don't really want to discuss it right now. I'll save that for another entry. Next week, I actually leave (again!), but this will be a mini-vacation to see my good friend, Luke. I'm really looking forward to it. Of course, I just finished unpacking last night so really do I have to pack again? Seriously. I'll just buy a new wardrobe when I get to Rochester. Hehe.

I need a beer or a penis

2006-05-02T19:49:00.000-04:00

Yeah. . . I hear you. That, my dear friends, was not spoken by me. That was spoken by some fellow tourist as she was shopping for souvenirs. I can definitely echo the sentiment. Come on. . . you know you were thinking it, ladies.

Okay, so the night before I left was kind of a nightmare but I don't want to go into that now because frankly I don't want to think about it. I'm in paradise, for crying out loud. Packing was crazy. I had a feeling I would forget a few things and I was right. I forgot deodorant and my eyeglass cleaner. How did that happen? But I've borrowed Kim's deodorant, so I still smell good. And they have water here so I can still clean my glasses and see all the sights of the Bahamas. Good thing, too. You would not believe the oceans here. The water is so crystal clear it is like one giant swimming pool. It's so warm, too. It's so relaxing that it almost feels like we've been here one big, long day. We've gone snorkeling, kayaking, we've walked about a million miles. We've lounged by the pool and we've eaten way too much.

The Bahamians are so friendly and I've learned a lot about their history. The tour guides have been wonderful. The entertainment has been great. The shopping has been great. I love the fact that the people are never in a rush. I have also grown to love how cut off they are. No cell phones work on the island. Not a single one. Cindy would like that. The pay phones to call back to the states charged $20 per call if you wanted to charge a call on your credit card. You have to pay a $50 deposit just to get your phone activated in your hotel ($25 if you are going to make a local call). Believe it or not, 800#s don't even work from the hotel. I did have important people to call (more to come on that later), but I figured that could wait until I got back to the States. It's kind of nice being cut off from civilization. It forces you to focus on yourself and just relax. As all of you know, this is something I badly needed on this trip. There were so many times I felt weird because there was nothing to do. By the end of the trip, I got used to my thoughts meandering about absolutely nothing. It was nice actually.

Tomorrow morning, we leave this glorious island. In a way, I'm really sad because it has really refreshed and energized me. I did get a lot of much needed sleep here. But I'm also excited because the next leg of my adventure starts. Kim and I are off to San Francisco. And Cindy is meeting us there tomorrow night!!! I have been looking forward to seeing her for days!!

Also. . . I have taken some amazing pictures. Don't worry, I will post the best of the best when I return, along with some great stories.

Takeoff in T-minus 20 hours!

2006-04-28T12:57:00.000-04:00

Whew. . . it has been a heck of a week. I can't believe it. Kim and I are finally leaving for the Bahamas tomorrow. So beyond excited. I thought I was all packed, but apparently there are some last minute details that I have forgotten. Kim and I will be running around getting last minute things done tonight. For the most part, all of our things are done though. It feels good. I just have to pick up a few things at my place that I forgot (namely my cell phone charger) and pick up my pay check from the shelter (very important) and then we'll be set. I got a new haircut yesterday. I got quite a few inches cut off and some red color added on. I look quite sexy if I do say so myself. I'm going to try to blog a little during my trip so you guys will see the new 'do. Of course, many of you in the blogging world don't really have a before to compare it to, but whatever.

My final this week was such a joke. It was totally easy, but my professor pissed me off beforehand because he said, "there are several questions on here that may be really, really difficult." Seriously, what kind of professor says that? Shouldn't he be wishing us luck? If he were a decent teacher, then he would be confident of our ability to answer those questions. I called him on the fact that he was trying to psych us out. I think there were a couple of students that were stumped by those questions, but I still have no idea which ones were supposed to be difficult. I wasn't stumped at all. Easiest damn A ever. He just didn't put any effort into creating the final. There was a question on there about who was the best instructor ever and all four possible answers was his name. I felt like leaving that one blank. I know I sound like a crybaby. I just expect better from grad school. I expect a freakin challenge. Or at least a third grade level challenge. I've never given such a low evaluation to a professor. All of the other students gave him a low evaluation as well.

I'm also a little sick of my sister's selfish attitude. My mom wanted me to help her plan her baby shower and I told her no. Not after everything else. My sister and I had a fight yesterday. I won't spare anyone the details, but I don't know why I bother. Ever since that huge blowup at Thanksgiving last year when I said I wasn't going to have anything to do with her anymore, I really haven't. I don't ever seek her out for anything. The only time I ever do call her is for work related issues and soon I won't have to do that anymore because I'll be the only one working for dad. I'm tired of seeing how everyone treats her. And then they wander why she acts the way she does. Craziness. Doesn't matter anyway. Generally, I don't think about her. My grandmother talks about her and her stupid life all the time. I DON'T CARE! I don't care how she's messing up her life. Why would I? I actually told my grandmother yesterday that I don't want to hear anything about her or her life ever again. If she or anyone else starts talking about her, I'm either going to change the subject, ignore it, or just leave the room. I am certainly not going to participate in it. I'm sick of hearing about it.

Well, I'm out for now. Like I said, I going to try to blog a little during my trip. I will take lots of pictures. Bahamas and San Francisco, here I come!

A blur of activity

2006-04-24T11:33:00.000-04:00

Whew. . . I can't believe I have actually stopped moving for five seconds. I didn't think it was possible. It's actually the first time in about 48 hours. On Saturday, I went to a Volunteer Appreciation Party for my shelter. I've only been officially on staff for two months and they wanted me to go. It sounded like a good opportunity to mingle with staff and other volunteers anyway, so I went. I had worked the overnight shift on Friday, though. I kind of overslept and didn't wake up till 1:30. Oh well. But I woke up and had about 10 minutes to get ready for the party. But yours truly was kind of blown away. I won Volunteer of the Year! Can you believe it? I was so honored and totally surprised. I got a beautiful plaque, dinner for two at an Italian cafe, and two free tickets with Airtran. Woo-hoo! Amazing day.

After that, I immediately met Kim and the kids at the mall. We spent the rest of the night shopping for our trip next week. I didn't buy nearly as much as she did, but I did find some really cute things. I bought this smoothie at the mall (only 153 calories and no sugar added) and I added an energy booster. Okay, that was a mistake. I got home and I cleaned and studied and was unable to sleep. I stayed up until 2 am in the morning. This was bad since Sunday, I was supposed to work 7-11. Crazy double shift.

Okay, I knew that this week was going to be nuts. Seriously, you should see my lists of stuff I have to do to get ready for my trip. Plus, I have my final exam tonight. Sunday was completely indicative of how this week is going to go. Hit the ground running and don't even stop. Ever. I thought that it would be slow. Sundays at the shelter are usually slow. But, no. Of course not. There was drama with the residents. Drama with their children that I had to take care of. There were new residents and oh so many calls. Part of my cleaning the night before had been getting rid of my old pre-weight loss clothes (FINALLY!!) and loading them into my car to donate to the shelter (so I wouldn't have to do it at 6 am the next morning when I woke up). The women had fun going through all the donations and they loved the fact that some of the clothes used to be mine. Apparently, I have cute stuff. One of the residents is only a few inches taller than me so she really liked it. I'm just glad that all of my clothes were able to go to a great cause. They were all in really good condition and the residents were in need. Anyway, I did get a lot of studying done, but maybe not as much as I would have liked. I did kind of like that it was chaotic because it made the day go by so much faster. And when you're working a 16 hour day, you need a lot to do to keep you busy. I like chaotic atmospheres anyway. It challenges me. . . keeps me on my toes. There was one good thing, too. The client I was really worried about last week called me back today. She's been trying to call me back all week because she did really like talking to me. I guess everything turned out okay after all. Whew. Relief, much.

I was up at 6 am to get some more studying done for my final. Another night of very little sleep. Something tells me I'll be able to guess my way through it though. Luckily, I should be through with it in about half an hour or so. I'm not kidding when I say I have a million things to do this week. I'm going to try to find time to work out, but maybe all the running around I'll be doing will count, right? I have a list of things to do today alone. I should probably divide up my list by day. I know that sounds totally anal. But I'm a Taurus. We need organization and routine. I'm so excited about my trip! T minus 5 days!

Frustrations

2006-04-21T10:02:00.000-04:00

I have been frustrated with my grad school professor the entire quarter. For one thing, he is continuously late. It's a cause to celebrate if he's on time. This is ironic because our participation grade depends on our tardiness (or lack thereof). How would he even know? We took a midterm exam in the beginning of April. When did we get those grades back? In Wednesday's class. We have a final on Monday and we were worried. We all thought we did horribly on the exams and we needed to know what to do better for the final. We had this take-home part of the exam where we had to take a case study and make treatment recommendations. According to the syllabus, we were supposed to do another one for the final.

So we get back our exams. Before he hands back the take-home part, he says that he was "extremely lenient" and that "it wasn't even funny." Maybe it was because of this or maybe it was because we got our grades back so late, but either way, he decided to scrap that take-home assignment for the final and assign us something else. I get back my exam and I did get an "A," which is great. I actually did a lot better on the multiple choice portion than I thought I did. My take-home portion did not have any feedback on it at all. . . just a bunch of check marks. One of the girls in the class asked him about his "lenient" remark and asked if maybe he could give us some pointers on what we could do to improve in the future. He says that he didn't mean to imply we did a horrible job and that actually, we had all written a very excellent paper (especially considering the fact that it was our first case formulation). O-kay. . . . now, we were all confused and also a little irritated. Were our papers crap or were they good? I'm not sure if he was lying to us because he thought we couldn't take the criticism or if it was because he just couldn't take the time to give the damn feedback.

Even though we don't have that particular assignment for the final anymore, we will probably still have to do treatment plans for our future jobs. Something tells me that our bosses aren't going to tell us that we did a great job if it's a piece of crap. This is grad school, for crying out loud. And I'm an adult. I can take a little criticism. Yes, I am an obsessive-compulsive, perfectionist, Type-A personality and yes, I hate anything lower than an A. But I don't want the A if I don't deserve it. This professor makes me long for my Ethics professor that I had last term. Yes, he was demanding and challenging. But that was what I needed and he also gave great feedback. I got a 99 on my paper in his class and it was still covered in red. He put comments on there about exactly what he liked. He also put comments about a few things he thought that could be improved in the future (even if he didn't necessarily take points off for it). I think my current professor is stretched too thin and he just shows up to get a paycheck. He has his own practice at three separate locations. This would explain why he's late all the time and why he can't be bothered to actually teach us. I'm just frustrated by it. Pardon my venting.

Doubtful

2006-04-17T22:11:00.000-04:00

Did you ever have one of those days where you doubted your entire profession? I had a really, really, really bad day at the shelter on Sunday. Yeah, did I mention I had a bad day? I can't really discuss the exact details of the case because everything is confidential. Let's just say that I dealt with a really tough case and I think I didn't handle it as well as I could have. I know that I'm still a "rookie" in this profession and that I'm bound to make mistakes. I am human, after all. Sunday was the day where it really hit me that what I do matters. And this case happened within the first two hours of my shift, so I still had six hours to go. Six. . . long. . . hours. I had more crisis calls, crisis with residents, chaos with the children. For a Sunday, it was a little insane. Hell, for Easter Sunday, it was insane. By the end of the day, I had an enormous headache. I literally felt like crying. My early morning case just made me doubt my abilities as a (future) therapist. But I have to take this as a lesson learned for future cases.

You want to know what the worst part of the day was? I had to immediately go home for a family dinner. Probably wouldn't have been so bad if my sister wasn't there. I swear she did not shut up the ENTIRE time and of course, it is all about her. She was upset because I may not be there for the birth of her second baby (which is 2 months away anyway). I told her that if I'm not working, I would be happy to be there. I said that if she goes into labor when I'm working for dad, there's not going to be anyone else to work obviously (since she's usually the other person who answers the phones). I told her if I'm working the battered women's shelter, I will only be able to miss work there if I'm able to get someone to cover for me. They do operate 24/7 and it is a crisis environment. They can't shut down because I'm not there. She made some snippy comment about how she can't just go into labor on my day off. How self-involved is that? I'm sorry, but unlike her, I don't like letting down people who are depending on me. I think hearing her voice is probably worse than dealing with the cases I deal with. Eh, it's a toss-up.

Stupid doctors

2006-04-16T07:43:00.000-04:00

Last Monday, I finally went to see my neurologist. Yay for me. After forty-five minutes of waiting to be called (talk about being late), I finally go back there and it is time for the dreaded weigh-in. The last time I went to this doctor (in September), I didn't mind this so much because I knew that I was at my ideal weight and I loved. . . absolutely loved, my body. Well, I get on the scale and the nurse weighs me. She doesn't say anything, which is good. I don't want to know, even though I already do. When we go into the little room to take my blood pressure, she starts making comments like apparently she wants to weigh me again because she can't believe what the scale says. She says she wants to weigh me again, this time with my shoes off. She asks if my shoes were on the last time they weighed me, which they were. So I took off my shoes and dutifully stepped on the scale again. This time she did tell me my weight and it didn't come as a big surprise. I mean, let's get a little perspective people, okay? I've gained like ten pounds (okay, maybe fifteen) since my last visit so I would hardly call myself obese. I just came to get my drugs so just save the judgment and back the hell off! Even the doctor said something about the fact that I've gained weight. I felt like I had to defend myself. Jesus Christ. Did I say something about the fact that he was an hour and a half late for his appointment with me? What a freakin crock.

Speaking of this whole weight loss thing, I may have to do something drastic. I may have to throw out my scale. And by throw out, I mean. . . hide. We have become mortal enemies. I weighed myself the other day. In five days, that scale has not budged. And I have been working my ass off. I've been eating right and exercising like crazy. I think I need to stop worry about the numbers so much and just do my thing. I did have to up my calorie intake to 1100 though. 1000 was just way too small for the amount of exercise I was doing. Technically, I should probably be getting about 1400-1600 calories a day so I'm still cutting quite a bit of calories. There is this awesome workout thing that I was thinking of getting at www.yourselffitness.com. It's a personal trainer for your computer. It takes into account your own fitness goals and fitness levels and designs your own personalized workout. You can even choose the setting and music. According to the reviews, you have to workout to it like 100 times to get even close to the same workout. Cool, huh? I would get it if I weren't saving my money for my trip coming up. But I do have a birthday in 2 1/2 weeks. Hint, hint. :) Geez, I'm going to be 26 in 2 weeks. Oy. I had almost forgotten.

Last night, Kim and I went to the Black Eyed Peas and Pussycat Dolls concert. It was totally awesome. It was also a great workout because we were dancing just about the entire time. My legs are a little sore today. But during the Pussycat Dolls part, there were these idiots behind us who kept telling us to sit down. Where the hell did they think we were at? We were at a concert , for crying out loud. No way were we going to sit down. We only sat down for the slow songs. . . and just a few of the songs we didn't know just so we could take a small break. Whatever. They were old. And jealous because we were so hot. Hehe.

Pain is my friend

2006-04-08T19:16:00.000-04:00

I know I've been a bit sporadic about posting lately and I apologize. Things have been a bit crazy and I have been a bit lazy.

I'm working about 40 hours this weekend alone (between Friday and Monday). This leaves little time to work out, but I'm trying. I've decided to severely restrict my calorie intake. I'm trying not to go over 1000 calories. . . or at least not very much over. Many would say that's too drastic. Drastic times call for drastic measures. I have to go back to my routine of working out 2 hours a day. . . more if need be. As this instructor of a kickboxing workout (fabulous workout) said, "Pain is your friend." That is my new mantra. Yeah, like I had one to begin with. I also decided to use little "thinspirations." They are my motivators. I have pictures of supermodels taped on my refrigerator and in my car. On the pictures, I wrote, "Are you really hungry?" Hopefully, that will deter me when I try to eat. I'm trying to drink more water. They say it fills you up, but it's not doing the job like it should. It just makes you have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. It's hard not eating as much. I'm constantly using my calculator to determine what my intake for the day is. I plan out every single meal and snack the night before. But it gets hard when your stomach starts growling and you know you're not supposed to eat for at least another hour. Will power, my friend. It takes enormous will power.

So excited about my trips coming up. I can use a vacation. I'm working myself hard with 3 jobs, school, and working out all the time. Luke e-mailed me the other day about my trip to see him. Apparently, his boss won't let him have all of those days off. Bastards. Oh well. My fault for planning so spur of the moment, I guess. Next time, I'll visit at a less crazy time. It still sounds like we'll get to spend a lot of time together so that's fine. And I guess Laura may be coming up that week. If she does, that would be fun. At least I know I'll still be eating dim sum at Golden Port. And when you get right down to it, isn't that the only thing that matters?

Black White

2006-04-01T04:46:00.000-05:00

There's an interesting show on the FX network that I've gotten into. It's called Black White. A white family and a black family switch places to see what it is like to be a member of the other race. The white family gets in black make-up and vice versa. The makeup looks so realistic, too. They totally pull it off. Anyway, I was talking to my father the other day about it. Big mistake. I happened to mention that an example of prejudice is that people always think that blacks shoplift and they follow them around in stores. My dad feels that this does not happen and even if it does, what do they care as long as they're not stealing? Oh brother. I don't think I would like to be followed around in a department store. I don't care who they are or why they're doing it. It would be creepy. My dad's living in a fantasy world and I told him so. Did it do any good? Hardly.

I think that I'm just going to stop talking about stuff like that with my family from now on. I mean, I love them and I know they love me. In a lot of ways, they are very intelligent. They can just be ignorant about certain things. I don't know if that comes from being raised in the South or what. My family did start talking about race earlier tonight. I hate it when they start generalizing about how all black people are on welfare and they always cry racism (even when it's not warranted) and how apparently a black woman has more rights than anyone (according to my grandmother). My family are the only ones who can turn living in the city a bad thing. Their theory is that the only reason there are so many minorities in big cities is because they have public transportation and there is no need for a car. Okay, does that really make a person lazy? When I go to San Francisco or L.A. (or any other big city) to live, I may not keep my car. It would save me a lot of money and it would force me to get a lot of exercise by walking everywhere. I told them that, but I don't think it made a dent. My uncle started talking about other countries and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, he should be talking about what other countries do. He doesn't want to go to Italy or Ireland because there are a lot of Muslims there. I know, I know. I really don't even know where to begin with that one. And then, I just couldn't take anymore so I asked them to change the subject. It's like Luke said when he came down here. There really isn't any point in debating issues with them. They're close-minded and more than a little ignorant. It would be like having a conversation with a brick wall. My family just makes me tired. Oh well. I have to deal with the fact that their opinion on certain things (everything, actually) are never going to change.

Good news for Simpsons fans: they're coming to the big screen! In July of 2007, there will be a Simpsons movie. Woo-hoo. I believe the trailer for it is before the Ice Age movie. I heard about it and became absurdly excited. How pathetic is that?

Where was your soul born?

2006-03-29T07:38:00.000-05:00

Cool quiz I got from Quizilla.com. The results are totally accurate.

Your soul was born in the Shadows.
Your soul was born in the shadows of the moon at night. You're all mystery and enigma and your element is the Moon. No one really knows who you are, but they might think they know you. You only tell people fragments of who you are and never show your true personality. That doesn't have to mean that you're being someone you're not though. You're always yourself and you never do something just because someone else does. Some might think you're a little cold or dull, but you're just hiding your true self for some reason. Maybe only a couple of selected people have ever seen the true you. You are loyal to these people and it will take time if anyone else wants to gain your trust. You let people think that they know you and that you trust them. But sooner or later they will realize that they never really knew you. Be careful. Someday you might need someone who knows what you need. Trust people.
You prefer silence and tranquillity. You're calm and collected and a nice person most of the time.

Insured again

2006-03-24T12:04:00.000-05:00

If I were to be in a horrible, disfiguring car accident tomorrow, I would actually be able to afford medical care. Good thing too since I'm not the best of drivers. That's right ladies and gentlemen. . . after months of nonstop migraines and the agony of searching for the perfect health insurance, I am now insured. Woo-hoo! It's only costing me $124 a month, but whatever. I just have to make an appointment with a doctor and then I'll FINALLY be able to get my migraine medication.

Speaking of migraines, Kim was telling me about how she had migraines all last weekend. Ordinarily, I would be sympathetic. However, I have a feeling that she has a hard time distinguishing between a really bad headache and a migraine. That kind of offends me. Then she was talking about how annoying her migraines have been lately. Is she kidding me? I mean, seriously. I've been getting them for 23 years. I also have been getting them nonstop for the last six months due to the lack of health insurance coverage. Am I complaining? Uh, not really. (This post doesn't count.) I've never really been one to complain about the fact that I get migraines anyway. It is what it is. There's not a whole lot I can do about it, except shut up and take my pills. Now, thanks to the wonderful people of Aetna, I will be able to do that. Life is good. For now, anyway. Ask me again tomorrow.

The Simpsons

2006-03-19T20:39:00.000-05:00

My faith in The Simpsons has been restored. . . for this week. I was beginning to think that Luke was right in the fact that this show had gone downhill. This disturbed me because it is one of my favorite shows. What disturbed me more was the fact that the past two episodes didn't even make me laugh very much. Halfway through the episodes, I found myself thinking: "Who the hell cares?" Cut to me pressing the delete button on my DVR. But tonight's episode was actually FUNNY. It really is the little things. Now if only they could keep this up, I would be ever so happy.

Crazy People

2006-03-15T09:37:00.000-05:00

Picture it: I'm in the grocery store (Super Target actually) and I'm in the middle of the aisle talking to myself about what kind of Ziploc bags to get. I think I was having this debate with myself for several minutes and then I realized that there was a man standing next to me. I have no idea how long he was there (probably just a minute), but he must have thought I was just some crazy person talking to the voices in my head. Please. . . when the voices start, I just ignore them. Myself I do not ignore.

Speaking of crazy, maybe someone could enlighten me as to why a person would speak on their cell phone in the restroom. Unless you are calling your doctor or an ambulance because you are deathly ill, there is no reason as to why you can't wait a lousy two minutes to call the person back. Let's get a little perspective here people. That is what voicemail is for.

Biggest challenge from yesterday: resisting the urge to eat at 10:30 at night. I was not hungry, but I still felt like I wanted to eat. It was probably just out of boredom. Luckily, I manage to resist temptation and my calorie intake yesterday was very much where I wanted it to be.

Oh. . . and someone apparently found my blog by doing a google search for "married for the health insurance." How freaky is that? Who searches for that? Would getting married for the insurance be technically illegal? I guess it's a moot point since I don't really have anyone to marry anyway.

What the hell am I doing here?

2006-03-14T13:54:00.000-05:00

After my double this weekend at the shelter (yes I worked 16 hours), you would think I would be tired. Ha. An invitation by Kim to see a movie and I was turning right back around to see some "eye" movie. It's official title? The Hills have Eyes. I had never heard of it. I was a little afraid that I would fall asleep during the movie, but not likely. Not after the sugared donut holes Kim and I had at Jillian's (sooo good and sooo bad for you at the same time). And seriously, who the hell could fall asleep during that movie. It was intense, weird, gory, bloody, and unnecessarily violent. In short, I loved it.

Two days since my unnecessary binge on donut holes, nachos, buffalo wings, and potato skins. No lectures, please. I'm just lucky the chocolate didn't cause a migraine. The past two days have been filled with grueling workouts and eating healthy. I feel very good about it. Now if only I can keep this up, maybe I can lose at least 15 pounds by the time Kim and I go on our trip. We'll see.

The Sweetest Thing

2006-03-12T05:49:00.000-05:00

Is there any sweeter feeling in the world than crawling into your nice, warm, cozy bed after working an overnight shift? I think not. And I'm sure that my bed will feel so incredibly good today since I am working a double. That's right, I came into work at 11pm last night and I'm not leaving until 3 this afternoon. Oh my bed is going to feel oh so incredible. . . *sigh.*

Mental note: after working an overnight shift, turn cell phone off! Some people don't realize that 11 in the morning or even 2 in the afternoon is the middle of the night for me.

Surprise, surprise

2006-03-11T05:29:00.000-05:00

Seems like everyone is disappointed in Bush's performance, even Republicans.

Well, they were stupid enough to vote for him a second time, even after his abysmal first term. What the hell did they expect?

What are the chances of getting a Democrat for president in 2008? Two more years. . . two more to go. Surely, Bush can't completely destroy this country in two years. Right?

Let the good times roll

2006-03-10T10:50:00.000-05:00

I am feeling so good lately. Even my migraines have eased off a bit. I think it may be the fact that I am eating a lot better and exercising more. I am trying to work up to 2 hours a day (like I used to do), but I'm still exercising at least an hour every day. I have so much energy. I managed to make it through my overnight shift and even though I only got a total of three hours sleep before working for my dad, I still felt refreshed the entire day. There wasn't even a need for a nap before my evening Spanish class like I thought there would be. I think that energy level is probably due to my better diet. It's expensive eating healthy, though. I did go out and purchase fruits and vegetables (the fruit is fresh as are some of the vegetables and I bought some frozen vegetables as well). I also purchased lots of different alternatives for healthy breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks. I need variety because otherwise I get bored. I had forgotten how good healthy food can be if you are just a little creative and take a little extra time. It can take a lot of time and even some extra expense, but it is worth it. I'm sure the second I publish this post, I'll get another migraine though. I'm totally jinxing myself dammit.

I booked a flight out to see Luke the other day. I'm going out the third week of May. Yay! It's a good thing I booked my flight while Airtran was having their sale. I bought tickets when they were $89 each way. Now, the price has shot up to $134 each way. Yikes. I'm totally excited (mainly just about eating at Golden Port again). Luke's got several things planned for us and they all sound so great. Who knew there was a Jello museum up there? I was there for two years and had no idea. I think we may even go to Niagra Falls and that will be a blast. I have only been there once (with my family just after graduation) and it was raining most of the time, so we didn't walk around as much as we would have. I do have a picture of myself in a poncho though. Yeah, not a pretty sight. But then again, who looks good in a poncho?

Kim and I booked our flights for our trip. I ended up having to pay the way for one of the flights, but I still used a voucher as well. I have more free vouchers left so I can use those for a free trip to L.A. later this year or next year even. I'm so excited about my trip. I'm probably going to be talking about it constantly for the next month or so, so I apologize in advance. I'm just excited about taking a vacation. . . a nice one, too.

And I can't forget to mention that Rent is coming to Georgia! Yay! I love that movie and can't wait to see the play.

The curse of the migraine

2006-03-09T19:28:00.000-05:00

Not a whole lot of people can understand what migraines are or how disruptive they can be to you and everyone around you. Unless you get them, you can't understand. Anyway, I found a funny thing on the internet quite a while ago. I don't recall who I stole it from, so if you're reading this I apologize in advance for stealing your work. I thought that my fellow migraine sufferers (you know who you are) might get a kick out of this.

My theory on migraine diagnosis:

"Migraine" means "we don't know what is wrong with you". Further diagnosis
flows from there:

Common Migraine: The most common form of "we don't
know what's wrong with you."

Classical Migraine: "We don't know what's wrong with
you and you have hallucinations too. (We don't know
why.)"

Migraine Variant: You have some variation of "we don't
know what's wrong with you."

Basilar Artery Migraine: "We don't know what's wrong
with you and we don't know what's wrong with your
Basilar Artery either".

Hormonal Migraine: "We don't know what's wrong with
you but you are a woman."

By the way, I happen to have the Basilar Artery migraine. I just got a kick out of that one.

Nightmares

2006-03-06T23:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my first day of my new job and it went fairly smoothly. Not that I expected any less. I did have nightmares the night before though. I had a dream that there was a man at the shelter and that he set fire to two of the residents (as well as himself). When I tried to call 911, the phone wouldn't work and the call didn't go through for some reason. So I just left the man who had set the fire passed out in the office for hours. It was very weird and disturbing. Nothing like that would ever happen here. Wait. . . did I just jinx myself? Dammit.

I've been feeling a lot of anger towards people lately. I'm really not sure why. And I kind of feel like pushing everyone away. I was thinking that I have valid reason for not wanting to have a relationship with Kim anymore. Then I was thinking that I would stop seeing my family so much because they're pissing me off. Then I just realized that I was kind of pushing everyone away and I'm at a loss as to the reason. Being a psych major, I'm definitely interested.

I am a little annoyed with Kim right now. I believe she's back together with Dave again, but has she told me? No. I mean, I'm supposedly her best friend and she doesn't share this with me. We had a conversation (i.e. fight) just two weeks ago about how she had gotten back together with him three times in the past and never told me. She apologized, said it wasn't intentional, blah, blah, blah. Friday, he came over and spent the night. I would have been gone, but I had a horrible migraine so I was stuck. Of course they fought. Do they ever do anything else? And she barely talked to me the entire time he was there. Did she even say anything about the fight? No. I guess I was more annoyed than mad. It really wasn't that much of a surprise. I was just thinking, "Oh great here they go again and I'm too sick to escape this craziness." I really don't like how she is when she's with him. She's whiny and she nags a lot, she's manipulative, she starts fights for pretty much the pettiest reasons ever, etc. It's just ridiculous and I just don't think I can take much more of it. It's not easy to even consider letting a 6-year friendship go and I don't like to be "that friend" who turns her back on a friend who's making bad choices. But this has gone on for far too long and she doesn't even treat me with respect while she's with him. Oy. I know I'm saying I'm not angry, but maybe I am deep down. The reason that I think this is because she has been annoying the crap out of me lately. I mean, every little thing she does just irritates the hell out of me. It's such a dilemma.

Okay, so I am on my first overnight shift at the moment at the shelter. My boss called me earlier because someone called in sick. I'm working 11 to 7, then I have to work at 9 tomorrow and go to Spanish class tomorrow night. Man, I wish my body would let me have caffeine. I have a feeling I'm going to need it. It gets pretty quiet around here anyway. I have some work to do, but not much and I may lay my head down for like 10 minutes to get a catnap. Otherwise, I am so going to be dead to the world tomorrow.

Murder. . . or suicide?

2006-03-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

I killed a bird today. Or rather, my car did. I was driving along minding my own business (singing along to the Rent soundtrack of course) and these birds flew across the road. I didn't really slow down because I figured they would scurry in mock terror to their homes in the sky. Not for one sad little fellow though. He flew really low and I didn't have time to stop, so I just heard this little thud and in my mirror I could see a stream of feathers in my dust. On one hand, I feel really guilty. On the other hand, I was thinking "Damn stupid bird. Why didn't you get the hell out of my way?" I thought there was some unwritten law that stated all birds should get out of the way of automobiles and we automatically have the right of way. I choose to believe the bird committed suicide. Seriously, it's like he flew right into my car and wasn't even trying to avoid it. Stupid bird.

Political Beliefs. . . this test confirms my family's fears

2006-03-05T07:25:00.000-05:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(80% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(26% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Strong Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Odds and Ends

2006-03-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

I am in a much better mood today. I worked out with the "Slim in 6 video" again today despite the fact that my legs were still sore. Seriously, two days of soreness from a 20 minute workout? You know it's gotta be good. I did do nearly half an hour today, so I'm working my way through it. Give me time, it is a 78 minute workout. I'll work up to doing the whole thing.

I booked my flight to Bahamas. I decided to buy the ticket for there instead of using all of my free flights I got from Wendy's. That way, I will still have free flights for when I fly to Rochester and maybe to L.A. After I use my free flights for San Francisco, I'll still have two free one-way trips left. I may use one of them for Rochester and one for L.A. That way, I won't have to pay as much. I want to go to Rochester to see Luke in late May for the Lilac Festival, but I don't know if work will allow me to. I'll try to go sometime this summer though. Luke needs to take more decent pictures of me seeing as how he slacked off on that while he was here. I swear, first he slacks off being in charge of my sunglasses and then he slacks off on his picture-taking job. Oy. Oh well. I'm just going to Rochester for the incredible Dim Sum anyway. Hehe.

My migraines are really making me mad. Luckily, they've eased off a little in the past few days but they're still there. I got one last night and I was feeling bad earlier. My application for health insurance is still being reviewed and it might be 2 weeks before I even find out if I'm approved. I'm thinking of buying my medication online. It'll probably be $100 or more, but it's my health, right? So maybe I should do it and that will get me through until I get my insurance approved. Seriously, I hate being an adult. Teri Hatcher's character on Desperate Housewives got married to get health insurance. Right now, I'm thinking that might not be such a bad idea. Really, you think I'm kidding but the more I think about it the more I realize it could solve all my problems. A marriage in name only for health insurance? What could go wrong with that?

In a little bit of a funk

2006-03-01T07:18:00.000-05:00

I am finally getting back to working out again and I like it. It feels good. Yesterday, I did an hour on the treadmill and my legs were really burning. I also tried this DVD from the "Slim in 6 Series." It's supposed to help you get fit and lose weight in 6 weeks. I could only do 20 minutes of the 75 minute workout. It's a good workout, but I have to work myself up to doing the whole thing. It's tough. My legs are sore today and I only did 20 minutes.

I am a little irritated with myself. Well, I'm partly irritated with myself and partly irritated with other people. I've been reading that book "Women who love too much." I know the title sounds corny, but bear with me. It's about women who are addicted to the drama of relationships and they feel like they need drama to be happy. I know I am like that. But I think I'm like that with my friends, too. I try to change them and try to force a relationship to work, even though I know it's not. I need to change these destructive patterns. If people aren't what they should be and don't care about me like I should, then I should just cut them loose, right? Easier said than done. I'm a little bit at a loss right now, I guess.

Anyway, back to more positive topics. Kim and I are making all the plans for our trip. Woo-hoo! Of course, she feels like everything has to be planned to the very last minute and that we should be doing something every second. Maybe it's just me, but I would like to sleep a little on this trip. I never get to sleep in. It would be nice to be able to sleep in a little. Oy. I can't wait though. It's going to be a blast. There is so much to eat in San Francisco! I could spend a week there just eating. But then I would weigh about 300 pounds. Hehe.

All good things must come to an end

2006-02-27T23:06:00.000-05:00

Today was Luke's final day. :( So sad. We woke up and got Luke packed. Then we headed to Waffle House for his final meal. And gee, it was so hard finding one. It's not like there's one on every corner or something. The breakfast was delicious naturally. It was also very fattening. Naturally. Traffic was crazy. I am so tired of damn construction traffic. I haven't spent twenty minutes waiting to merge in months. I would have taken a shortcut, but I didn't think it would be that bad. It was 11 am for crying out loud. I hate Georgia traffic. And I'm pretty sure Luke hates it, too. I did get Luke to the airport exactly one hour before his flight. he called me later though and told me that Airtran overbooked the flight and he missed it. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with Airtran? I hate them. But they're the cheapest so I'll probably still use them. Damn me and my lack of money. The good news is that Luke told me that he got a direct flight back to Rochester. The bad news is that it wasn't until 9:00 that night so he was stuck. I would have gone to the airport to keep him company, but I had a final to study for. Plus, I had to go to the shelter for a few hours. I felt so bad for him. :( I was really sad to see him go anyway. It was great hanging out with him again. I think I'm going to try to get out there for a weekend when it gets warmer and we can hang out outside more.

This morning, I did get a call from my shelter director and she formally offered me the part-time job at the shelter. Woo-hoo! I'm so excited. It's a great opportunity. I'll probably start this weekend. It just depends on when I can get there to fill out paperwork. My grandmother said that her prayers got me the job. I respectfully disagree. I think my experience and qualifications got me the job. God had nothing to do with it. Jesus. I hate it when religious people pull that crap. Oy. I didn't really say anything negative to my grandmother though. I just said I disagreed and we quickly changed the subject. I think I'm going to take a page from Luke's book and stop beating a dead horse, so to speak. There's really no point in debating with close-minded people (i.e. my family) about things that they are never going to change their minds about. It's really pointless.

So I took my Ethics final tonight. I was really worried about it going in, but I did a great job. I got a 95. Woo-hoo! I was upset because I got a point taken off for spelling. I'm not mad at the professor for taking points off for that. I'm just mad at myself for making a stupid mistake because I was rushing. I guess I'll learn from it though, right? My final grade in the class is a 97, so I'm extremely happy. My professor had a lot of good things to say to me. He said that I was a "superlative student." I told him I was considering a doctoral program and he said I should do it. He warned me that it would be hard, but said that I had the brains for it and that it would require of me what I am capable of. I just don't think I am going to tell my family about it. I can only imagine their reactions. I'll tell them about it if I apply to one and if I get in. Until then, I'm not going to worry about it.

Now it's late and I am watching all the programs that I missed while Luke was here. Ahhh. . . good times, good times.

One Fish, Two Fish, Green Fish, Blue Fish

2006-02-27T00:03:00.000-05:00

Luke: "You have to put these quotes in your blog. When I self-quote, it's like masturbating in public."

Another fabulous day with the Luke-meister. Luke actually woke up before me today, which was weird. He must have had a nightmare about the movie. Poor baby. I offered to cuddle with him, but he would have none of that. Hehe. This morning, I went outside to get something out of my car and I came back with a dog. It was a very cute dog (my dad called it ugly) and we had no idea who it belonged to. My dad said it was the neighbor's. Luke said we should just eat it (poor dog, I hope he didn't hear that). This did lead to Luke critizing me for not knowing my neighbors had a dog. Seriously, I've only had neighbors for 6 months! Man, maybe I'll hang out with them from now on and ignore Luke. That'll show him! Hehe.

We hung around a little bit (meaning Luke was screwing around on his computer) and then headed off to lunch. I have to say that at this point in the day, Luke was irritating me. How hard is it to remind someone when they have their sunglasses on before they go inside? I gave him one job. I swear, it was all I could do to not take him to the airport right then and there. :) We ate at this BBQ place called Spiced Right. It was a very southern and simple atmosphere. The pork was delicious as were the homemade french fries. It was probably the best barbecue I've had in a long time.

Then we headed off to the world's largest aquarium. I'm sure that those of you who live in other states are so jealous. :) You have to make reservations for this thing at least a week in advance and I had made ours two weeks ago. Since I have a season pass, I get in for free. Woo-hoo! The aquarium was great and very fun. There was a lot of fish and whales and sharks, etc. We got to touch some sting rays. They were very slimy. But I tried not to judge them too much for that. After the aquarium, Luke and I went to the dollar movies and saw "Wolf Creek." I had never seen the advertisements for that movie, but the poster suggested it was a horror movie so we were game. I mean, it's not as if we haven't seen enough scary movies this trip, right? The movie was very suspenseful and a little gory. There was a lot of blood. Can you believe that there were some parents who brought their three-year-old daughter to the movie? Unbelievable. Only in Georgia.

Then we went to eat at a Thai restaurant. It was very good. I asked for them to make it as spicy as they could and that might have been a mistake. I think I FINALLY found something that was too spicy for me to eat. It is time to hang my head in shame. I am so disgusted with myself. Oh well. I needed ice cream after that. We went to Target to pick up blank CD's and DVD's for Luke and me. Luke was on his phone the entire time. Seriously dude, take a BREAK. So rude. Hehe. Then we went to Sonic. We had hot fudge cake sundaes. Mmmm, mmmm good. Now we're just hanging out and getting ready for Luke's departure tomorrow. :( I'm eating a midnight snack of leftover turkish meatballs, hummus, and pita bread. I have way too many leftovers from this weekend. Oy.

Luke just informed me of Alabama changing their state fruit to the peach. What the hell? Copycats trying to be like us. They will never be like us. Georgia is still the best damn peach state ever. Alabama is just a cheap imitation. Dammit. I wish I had known about this. I would have boycotted or protested or something. That just freakin ruined my night. I'll be dreaming of peaches tonight. . . that, and attacking Alabama representatives for daring to do such a thing. I hate Alabama more than I hate Texas. And that's a lot. Okay, now I have to go calm Luke down because smoke is coming out of his ears from a semi-religious episode of South Park. It's going to be hard when I'm all fired up now, too. And my smoke alarm appears to be broken so we're in serious trouble.

When Animals Attack!

2006-02-25T23:31:00.000-05:00

Today was a marvelously fun day. And by marvelously fun, I mean. . . eh, it was only okay. We slept in and took a little time getting ready. Kim called us a few minutes before we left and said that she could go with us after all. I guess Dave was being a human being and said he would keep the babies. Woo-hoo! We picked her up at her place (after Luke burned me a copy of his awesome 2-disc copy of the Rent soundtrack) and then headed to Canton House. Seriously, that was some damn good Dim Sum. It wasn't as good as Golden Port, but I think it came pretty close. I think Kim liked it. I know Luke did.

After Golden Port, there was a looong drive to the safari we planned on. Somehow Luke and I missed the exit for one of the interstates. How the hell did that happen? I LIVE here, for crying out loud! It only set us back ten minutes though. It was a rainy, dreary day, but the safari was still open so we were all good. We decided to rent a van from the company to drive instead of using my car. Believe me when I say that was a good idea. It was hilarious because a good many animals were lying in wait for us at the gate. And it wasn't so much hilarious as it was scary. Kim and Luke were in front so they had windows as barriers. But in the back (where I was), there were no windows. . . only bars! We saw so many different animals. There were elk, antelope, ostriches, pigs, hogs, deer, ducks, zebras, horses and I can't even think of the other ones. We had bought animal food so we could feed them and it's a good thing. The animals came right to our window and stuck their faces in the windows and in between the bars. We weren't supposed to hand feed the ostriches or zebras, but everything else was pretty much fair gain. Kim and Luke got some great pictures. Some of the animals kept following us for food. It was funny because one pig was extremely determined (and very fast) and kept running alongside the van. It was great. Of course, we did have to push our way through the animals at times because they were blocking our path. Craziness. After we finished with that, there was a walk-thru area. We fed some llamas and black bears. We saw some beautiful birds, rhinos, tigers, monkeys, alligators, more hogs, and so much more. You get the idea. So many animals, so little time. That part was really interesting. Kim hit an alligator with a food pellet and a monkey grabbed at Luke. He had his penis out, so I think he was coming on to him. The monkey, not Luke. Even though it was drizzling throughout the entire trip, we still had fun. And it didn't start raining harder until we were about ready to leave.

Check out this video link of Kim and Luke teasing the poor ostriches. The southern chick in the background is my commentary.

After the wonderful safari, we went to eat at Pho 79. Oh my God, the pho was soooo good. Pho is a Vietnamese noodle soup, for those of you who don't know. I had a spicy rice noodle soup and it was delicious. We tried to pork spring rolls and chicken spring rolls as well and they were delicious. The owner was very nice and she was helpful in recommending stuff to us. She also took the time to explain a little bit about the name of the location to us. It probably helped that we were the only customers in the restaurant. She had recommended some kind of fruit shake to me and Kim. She really didn't want us to drink water. But I'm glad she recommended the shake. They were really good. I'm not really sure what kind of fruit was in it, but it was good so that's all that mattered. The pho was a great dish to have on a cold day like today.

After pho, we headed back to Kim's to watch Ring Two. Now that was a scary, freaky movie. I am now scared of water. Thank goodness it wasn't raining anymore when we left. Luke said he's going to need a cuddle buddy because the movie scared him. I'm thinking not since he ate all the fudge rounds in the car. Oh wait a minute. . . he just gave me one. Okay, maybe I'll forgive him. All I know is I might need a shower buddy because my fear of water is so great. I don't think Luke will be up for that one. :(

Driving Miss Daisy

2006-02-24T21:56:00.000-05:00

This has been a busy, busy week filled with. . . stuff. And then some more stuff happened. Sounds memorable, huh? Luke is here so I am very happy. By very happy, I mean. . . eh, I'm content. I picked him up at the airport last night and we really haven't stopped driving yet. Luke took forever to baggage claim (where I was waiting) because he didn't take the stupid train. He decided to walk five miles. Oy. I took Luke to Cafe Istanbul for dinner. It was great food. . . when we finally found the place. We got a little lost (i.e. I got a little lost) and we had to ask someone for directions. Luke was worried I would get robbed, so he offered to do it. Isn't that sweet? The restaurant was great and Luke loved it, of course. There was supposed to be a belly dancer, but she wasn't there for some reason. Dammit. But we still got to sit on the floor and the hummus was top notch. When we got home, we watched my new Rent DVD. Awesome movie.

Today, we got up and watched some Golden Girls. I had some cereal and Luke had more of his stupid fudge rounds. Did he bother to offer me one? Ha. We then left to head back to Atlanta. Oh my God, traffic was awful. We got stuck in construction traffic. It took us forty-five minutes to go a mile. But eventually we reached our first destination of the day: Chick-fil-A. Woo-hoo! We had a fabulous lunch and then headed out to see Atlanta's own Cyclorama. Of course Luke kept slacking off on his one job: to remind me that I was wearing my sunglasses. I kept getting out of the car and realizing that I needed my regular sunglasses for inside. Damn Luke. The Cyclorama is the world's largest oil painting and it depicts this famous battle in Atlanta during the Civil War. It was pretty awesome and the painting was pretty damn big. It was very lifelike too. The Civil War museum was fairly interesting. The rest of the day was great. It was filled with us getting into the zoo for free, a lot more traffic, a movie (we went to see Final Destination 3, which I had already seen), and then Mexican food with my family. Mmm, mmm good.

After dinner, we were going to go to this comedy club, but we both decided to head back home instead. All the driving really wore me out. Little does Luke know that there will be a lot more of it tomorrow. Hahaha. I think he's having a great time. I know that it is good to hang out with him. We've been laughing nonstop and we have had a couple of semi-serious discussions. He's fabulous. And by fabulous, I mean. . . eh, he's okay.

Leaving on a jet plane. . .

2006-02-17T11:07:00.000-05:00

I have my passport! Woo-hoo! That means I can now just leave the country on a whim if I need to. . . you never know when you may have to suddenly leave the country. Hehe. Now I can book my flight to the Bahamas. Kim hasn't gotten hers yet, but I'm sure she will soon.

I also found out this week that I got a 99 on my Ethics paper. I am very excited about that. He said that anyone who got in the range of 95 to 100 had a paper that was better than what he would expect from a graduate student. He said it was something he would expect out of someone in a doctoral program. I'm just glad that's done. Now I just have to get through my final (which is coincidentally the night that Luke is leaving). I'm sure I'll get a good grade on it, so I should get an A+ in the class. That'll make up for that damn B+ I got last semester. :)

I feel like something is going on between Kim and Dave. I just have this feeling. . . and of course she hasn't told me anything. But I'm not going to worry about it. It really is her choice to start anything with him again. I think I've started to realize that I can't be in control of everything. I feel like I need to be and I feel like it's on me to get someone to change. But that's not the case. It's up to that person as to whether he or she wants to change or not. All I can do is try to give my honest feedback and the tools they need to change. If they don't, then I can't be held responsible for it. This is a good thing to know for when I start counseling people. A lot of counselors feel frustrated when their clients don't change and take it upon themselves to do most of the work. But the client has to do the work. As long as I give my client the tools that he or she needs to change, then I have done my job. There's only so much I can do. It's really hard for a control freak such as myself to realize that.

Okay. . . I must really love California (and Cindy) to want to move out there. Do you have any idea how much work is involved with getting licensed to counsel in that state? Cindy did say that California was pretty much the hardest for anything. It has the hardest medical schools, the hardest bar exams, etc. I don't really mind all the work. It's just a pain. Since I am extremely organized, I am taking the measures to find out what needs to be done. A lot of people graduate, move to another state, and then find out they need additional courses to get licensed in that state. I am going to go ahead and get it taken care of now. There are a couple of classes that I can't take at my school simply because they aren't offered. But most of them are, so I'm going to take them now. I actually have to get licensed as a Marriage and Family therapist to get licensed out there. So I'll take those necessary courses to get the additional certification. They'll be interesting though, I'm sure. I love any psych class. I know, I'm just weird. At least I know that once I meet the requirements to get licensed in California, I can pretty much get licensed anywhere and I won't have to take any additional courses ever. I was checking the requirements for New York, Massachusetts, and Illinois. They do have more requirements than Georgia, but not as many as California.

I think I've rambled enough for today. I'm babysitting and the kids are actually being good. They're watching Barney and playing. Dammit, I hate that big purple dinosaur.

Barreling into this century. . . finally

2006-02-14T15:24:00.000-05:00

I am now as technologically advanced as my grandmother. Woo-hoo! This past weekend, I decided to actually buy a DVR. DirectTV was having a deal on them anyway. They cost $100 and they are offering a $100 rebate. So I got it for free. I got the service hooked up today, so I am enjoying my new toy. There is one down side. The way that our cables work, we can't set it up so that we can record two programs at once. That kind of blows, but I still like everything else about it. I've been using so many of my tapes to record things while I'm at Kim's or school or at the shelter. It's nice that I won't have to spend money on tapes anymore. I figured that since my grandmother has a DVR, I should break down and get one. Me and about five million other people. It's about time.

This past Saturday, the big gala for my shelter went really well. It was extremely chaotic and I was on my feet running around for about eight hours. I didn't leave until nearly 1:00 in the morning. I had a lot of fun, though. I did bid on a couple of the items that were up for auction. And I won them, too. I got a $50 gift certificate to a very nice hair salon and I only paid $25. I also got a $500 gift certificate to Avon for $200. Woo-hoo! I'm not always focused on the money, but it was nice getting great deals on those things. And the money went towards a great cause.

That's really all for now. I didn't have much to say. I just wanted to brag about my DVR really. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone.

Did you miss me?

2006-02-10T07:46:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a while since my last post. Forgive me. But something happened to my laptop in that the wireless connection suddenly stopped working. So I haven't had a lot of access to Internet at home. I have used it at Kim's place, but it's hard to find time to blog with two toddlers clinging on you all day. It's 7:50 am and they're asleep right now. Thank goodness. They never sleep this late. I'm hoping they stay asleep at least as long as it takes me to publish this post.

Not a lot has been going on. . . Seth and I went to see Brokeback Mountain last weekend. It was good, but sad. Seth just wanted to see it because Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal totally get it on. Who am I kidding? I wanted to see it too. :) And it was totally hot. It would have been even better if these five people sitting behind us (all adults, mind you) hadn't been talking the ENTIRE movie. I'm not kidding. It was a two hour movie and they were silent for about ten minutes of it. They had to discuss every plot point amongst themselves and one even said, "He's disturbed." because of the whole gay thing. If they felt that way about gay people, why on earth would you come see the damn thing? I was too chicken to actually be quiet. I did give them dirty looks and there was a girl sitting in the same row as them who told them to shut up. Didn't help.

I finally finished and turned in my Ethics paper. Yay! Thank you to Effin Nobody, who helped me to edit my paper. There were some others as well. It really helped me a lot. I'll probably get it back in another week, so we'll see how I did.

I had my job interview yesterday. I can never tell how I do at these things, so I have no idea if I'm getting the job. Hopefully, I will. I could really use it. I'll know about that next Tuesday or Wednesday.

My best friend from CA as called me several times this week. I miss Cindy (and L.A.) so much and I can tell that she misses me. She keeps begging me to hurry and finish school so that I can move out there. Last Saturday, she called me at 1:00 in the morning (my time) and we talked for two hours. She was upset and needed someone to talk to. I'm glad she called. Cindy's not the type who usually asks for help. But I think I made her feel better just by listening. And then we started laughing and reminiscing about old times. She called me Monday night as well. That night, we ended up talking for 3 1/2 hours. Good times, good times.

By the way. . . since my laptop is in the shop right now, I do not have access to people's blogs that I had saved in my Favorites. So if I go a while without reading or commenting on your blog, don't take it personally. That's why. If you comment on my blog, I'll be much more able to click on the link and catch up on your blog. Otherwise, I'll just have to wait till my computer gets out of the shop. They said it would take 6-8 weeks to get it back. Oy. At least they did give me a loaner laptop to use in the meantime. Woo-hoo!

It's after 8 and the kids are still sleeping. . . how lucky am I? I may go lie down again until they wake up. I'm not used to having this much freedom.

Old Tag

2006-02-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

Luke tagged me on this several days back, but I have not done it yet. It's nice and simple. I just have to post the picture that is currently on my desktop. Here it is.

Things have been a little hectic for me in the past several days. I had a midterm last night and I've been working on my paper. Right now, I'm taking a break from my paper. I'm sick of thinking about it. I think it just needs a little more tweaking and it will be perfect. Well. . . maybe not perfect. But as close as perfect can get. I did get a 98 on my midterm last night. Woo-hoo! I think I may actually get an A+ in this class. That'll make up for that damn B+ I got last term. Yeah, I know how I sound. I'm just a perfectionist. I just hate B's. Classic older child syndrome strokes again. My professor did say he thought I should be in a doctoral program. He said that I seem like I know my stuff and a doctoral program would be tougher than a master's program. But that's what I need.

I filed my taxes yesterday. I'm getting a total of $2400 back! Yay! That will leave me with all the money I need for my upcoming trip and I'll still be able to save a lot. The hotels that Kim and I picked out for the Bahamas and San Francisco are giving us great deals. For the entire week, since we're splitting the hotel costs, we're going to spend a total of about $500 on hotels. I'm so excited. I need a break from this town. It'll be a great birthday.

Oh, and I have a job interview with the shelter director next Thursday. She said that right now, the full time position is being filled. However, she said that this person was probably only going to be there for a few months and after that, she would definitely consider me for the position. In the meantime, I'm applying for a part-time position. That's still something. If I get it, it would be good for me. And it'll give me time to prove to her that I can handle the job full-time. Since it's next week, that will give me plenty of time to figure out what the hell I'm going to wear. Seriously, I haven't had to dress professionally in seven months. I think New Year's Eve was the first time since June that I wore something other than blue jeans. It'll be weird.

Decisions, decisions

2006-01-30T09:32:00.000-05:00

Kim and I are not going to be able to go to the Bitter Ball after all. The gala for my shelter is going to start too late on that day. And I'm probably going to have to stay to help clean up and stuff, so we're not really going to have time to do both. It kind of sucks, but oh well. It's a good thing that we didn't buy our tickets yet. But Kim volunteered to help me at the gala. She's going to go and volunteer her time since she never has a chance to go out or anything. Of course this all hinges on Dave keeping the kids for her that night. I swear, he can be such a jerk sometimes. Every time she wants him to keep the kids, he acts like he's doing her such a great big favor and she has to practically beg him to do it. I don't know why he doesn't want to spend time with his kids. He just doesn't want the responsibility, I guess. And it really pisses me off because every time he leaves Kim's place, he says "I'll be praying for both of you." As if we need his prayers. What does his God think about the fact that he never wants to take care of his kids? Yeah, he needs to focus on himself.

Anyway, my sister isn't working out too well with my dad's business. They got into an argument last week because she didn't do something he asked her to and then she lied about it. He actually gave her this entire week off, so I am covering the phones all this week. He's forwarding the calls to my cell phone on the days that I am here watching Kim's kids. I don't mind. It's extra money. He said that he may fire her, so I may be doing it every day from now on. Jenifer (my sister) is so awful. She just wants to take advantage of her father. She thinks that she can do whatever she wants and be as lazy as she wants and he's just going to put up with it because she's his daughter. He has a business to run and he can't put up with incompetent people.

I found out this past weekend that my shelter is looking for people to work part-time. I mentioned that I would be interested in working there. The woman I was speaking to mentioned it to the shelter director. The shelter director spoke to me and said that she would be interested in hiring me. I'm supposed to e-mail my resume to her this week. If I get the job, that will be three jobs that I have, plus school. The only shifts my schedule is going to allow me to work is overnights (11pm to 7am). I'm sure I could handle three jobs. I have before. But an overnight job is going to take a lot out of me. And if I have to work overnights and go to another day job every single day, I am so never going to sleep again. That may be wearing myself a bit thin. I guess I have to see if they'll hire me or not and see how much they're going to need me to work (since it will be only part-time). If I so get hired, I would really like to work there. It's good experience and I'm sure the pay will be better than $6/hour (which is what I'm at right now). I may have to give up one of my jobs. Now, I wouldn't do that without giving two weeks notice. Even though I'm working for my dad and my best friend, I would still want to do that.

I just feel bad about quitting on either of them. If I do go to full-time with dad, then I will be the only employee he has to answer the phones. If I quit on Kim, she may have to find a day care place, which will be more expensive. This is why you shouldn't work with family or friends. Things get more complicated. But I have to do what's best for me in the long run, right? Does that sound too selfish? I hope not. I know I'm going to feel bad regardless of who I stop working for. I guess I'll just have to see if I get hired at the shelter or not. And I have to see if my dad is going to let my sister go. Then, we'll see where I'm at.

By the way. . . in case anyone's interested, I am pretty much finished with the rough draft of my Ethics paper. Woo-hoo! It's not due until a week from now so I will have all week to edit and edit and then edit some more. And I'm sure I will.

from A to Z

2006-01-27T14:15:00.000-05:00

I stole this off someone else's blog because I thought it was pretty cool. I love spending my time answering mindless questions. I know, I know. . . I should do my damn paper already. Don't worry, I'm almost done with the rough draft. I promise!

A - Age you got your first Kiss: don't even remember; it was so long ago and I don't think it was very good because the memory is very fuzzy. Besides, I've kissed so many guys since then who are much better kissers
B - Band listening to right now: nothing right now, but in my car I have Pussycat Dolls. I'm addicted to their CD. I also have the Rent soundtrack. I love the movie and the music
C- Crush: none at the moment
D- Drink of Choice: Sweet Tea usually, but alas the caffeine is bad for my migraines. . . so I usually stick to water or Sprite
E - Easiest person: ha. That would be me. . . I've been way too easy, but I intend to change that.
F - Favorite band at the moment: Pussycat Dolls totally
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: such a hard choice as I like them both. I like the gummy bears though because I like biting the heads off the cute little bears. Haha. . . I'm so evil
H - Holiday: the Thanksgiving that I spent with Dos in Rochester in '02. It was fun eating turkey and pie at Perkins. Who needs family really?
I - Instruments: I played the flute for a year when I was in fifth grade, but I had no motivation to practice. I've always wanted to learn the piano though.
J - Juice: orange
K-Kids: want to adopt, not give birth. And please don't give me that tired line, "Why don't you want any of your own?" That's just stupid.
L - Longest car ride ever: Kim and I driving from Georgia to Rochester. . . and back again.
M - Major: Psychology
N - Nicknames: Reuder (don't ask), Cindy, Uno, Cindy #1, Cindy-Loo (don't ever call me that if you want to live), Cindy baby (compliments of my mother)
O - One wish: right now, it's to finish this damn Ethics paper (almost done!)
P - Phobia[s]: heights and escalators
Q - Quote: "The race is not given to the swift or the brave, but to those who endure to the very end." - unknown
R - Reason to smile: thought of graduation, traveling (to anywhere really), spending time with my friends
S - Song you sang last: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. It's a fabulous song and I wish I had that CD
T - Time you woke up [today]: 7:00
U - Unknown fact about me: if you read my blog, you pretty much know everything about me. If there's anything I haven't shared, just let me keep that one, okay?
V - Vegetable you hate: Beans. I don't care what kind they are; if they're in the bean family, I detest them. Of course, I do like chili. Huh. Weird
W - Worst thing to have happened to you: I guess this is the unknown fact about me. I've had lots of bad things happen to me, but my close friends know the worst one. But I've managed to put it behind me.
X-rays you've had: Well, I had MRIs done on my head before they diagnosed me with migraines (they thought I had a tumor); I also had an X-ray done on my knee after I dislocated it doing yoga over a year ago. Ugh, so painful
Y - Yummy food: anything spicy and Sonic chili cheeseburgers and their orange cream shake; yeah, I've had a craving for Sonic for weeks. I'm really sorry to those of you who have never experienced it
Z - Zodiac sign: Taurus

I don't usually tag people, but I guess I will this time:

Luke (just because I felt like it and you recently tagged me. Isn't it fun?)
Effin Nobody (really curious to know more about you and your answers to these things are great)

Anyone else who wants to steal this, feel free.

Pictures

2006-01-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

I decided to use this post to show off me all dressed up on New Year's Eve, as well as pictures of my beautiful godsons. Below are the ones from New Year's Eve when Kim and I got all dressed up and went out for dinner. For those of you in the blog community who don't know what I look like, I am the tall one with glasses. :)

Below are some pictures of my beautiful godsons. Christian is the oldest and Adrian is the smaller one.

Don't I look great? Oh, and the babies look adorable, too. :)

Procrastination

2006-01-24T15:19:00.000-05:00

I am using this blog post as an excuse not to do what I know I should be doing. Sorry, but my mind is a total and utter blank right now and I figured that I would ramble to my faithful audience out there. I apologize in advance.

I'm trying to work on my paper that I have to do for my Ethics class. The paper is due on the 6th. I know that I still have time, but I would like to get a rough draft done. Plus, our midterm is next Wednesday so I have to study for that. My professor is going to be such a stickler for the technical things. He's already said that. I know I'm going to be worried about the placement of every comma, period, noun, adverb, etc. He's big on grammar. Ordinarily, I think my grammar isn't that bad. But to have someone who edits for a living look at it? Yeah, you see my dilemma. He's the editor of a Psychology journal so it's his job to pick apart mistakes like that. I'm kind of in the middle of a writer's block right now. I did manage to do some research and I have a lot of articles that I'm sure I can use. I also have my introduction done. Well. . . kind of. I have half a page done and when I say it's a rough draft, I mean that it's rough. No matter how rough of a draft it is, I would like to get the rough draft done this week. It's kind of hard when my topic isn't even coming together and I'm not even sure what I want to say. I'm sure it will come together eventually. It always does. I am glad that I will have my paper out of the way by the time Luke comes. However, I will have a cumulative final in my class the day that he leaves. Oy. I'll just have to study really hard before he gets here.

I got a call today from the volunteer director of the shelter. She said that our Annual Hearts with Hope gala is coming up soon. It's a big black-tie fundraiser for PADV (Partnership Against Domestic Violence). She said that they choose volunteers that they want to help out with the event and they want me to help. That made me feel really good. I'll help out with the fundraising and I get to go to a fancy party. Woo-hoo! The gala is on the 11th and that is the same night as the Bitter Ball. The Bitter Ball is this singles-only party that is given by a radio station every year at a nightclub in Atlanta. Kim and I were planning to go this year. I'm hoping that the Bitter Ball doesn't start until late. If so, then we could possibly do both. I just couldn't say no to helping out with this event. I can't even believe that they asked me since I haven't really been there that long. I think it will be fun, though.

Okay, I think that's enough rambling for now. I really should go back to my work for class. Work on the paper or study for the midterm. . . whatever, as long as I do something.

I've been tagged

2006-01-23T10:10:00.000-05:00

I have just been tagged by my good friend Luke, so here are a few things about me:

4 jobs you have had:

1. telemarketer (really, I have such respect for those people)
2. secretary
3. customer service representative (for Alltel, a phone company, and for Coca-Cola)
4. cashier at K-Mart

4 movies you could watch over and over:

1. Chicago
2. Beauty and the Beast
3. Bring it On
4. Runaway Bride

4 places you have lived:

1. Winder, GA (house where I grew up)
2. Cornelia, GA (apartment with Kim)
3. Rochester, NY
4. Monroe, GA (living currently)

4 TV shows you love to watch (like Luke, this was tough because there are just so many):

1. Simpsons
2. Will and Grace
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Grey's Anatomy

4 Favorite Books:

1. My Sweet Audrina by V.C. Andrews
2. She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
3. and 4. - I have read so many books throughout my lifetime and I can't possibly list any more. This question is like, "Which child do you like best?"

4 places you have been on vacation:

1. Los Angeles, CA
2. Rochester, NY
3. Disneyland (such a BLAST)
4. Washington, D.C. (does it really count as a vacation if I was only there for 2 days for a wedding? whatever. . . I had fun)

4 websites you visit daily:

1. www.yahoo.com
2. www.ebay.com
3. www.lifetimetv.com (sorry, I like playing their games. they are adddictive)
4. www.argosyu.edu (my school)

4 favorite foods:

1. anything Mexican
2. Dim Sum
3. Yogurt Burst Cheerios (but I have really grown quite fond of cereal lately)
4. cheesecake

4 places you would rather be right now:

1. Grand Bahamas (3 1/2 months and counting)
2. Los Angeles
3. Rochester, NY (yeah he town might not be much, but there are a few good people up there. And of course there is the newly opened Golden Port! God how I miss it)
4. Washington, D.C. (yeah I kind of miss Laura. . . and I really haven't spent that much time in that city)

I'm not really going to tag anybody because I'm not really sure who reads my blog on a daily basis. I don't have a blog stalker program like Luke. :) Luke is the only one I know for sure reads it regularly and he's already done this. I'm just going to say that for whoever reads this. . . consider yourself tagged!

Visit to the Aquarium

2006-01-22T18:32:00.000-05:00

Kim and I finally made a visit to the world's largest aquarium in Atlanta. Woo-hoo! We had tried to make reservations on Friday for Saturday, but they said they were all booked up. However, we decided to try our luck anyway since we had Annual Passes. We were in luck, too. Walk-up ticket sales for the general public were sold out, but since we had Annual Passes we just walked up and got tickets. Not a problem. It was so incredibly crowded. I am not kidding. It was insanity.

I was immediately impressed by the size of the place. I haven't been to a huge number of aquariums, but it certainly seemed like it was the world's largest. Our first stop was to go get our pictures taken for our official Annual Passes. There was huge line and a sign that said the average wait time was ONE HOUR. They did say that we had the option of getting our pictures taken on our next visit. But we figured that it was going to be like this every single visit. Besides, my next visit is probably going to be with Luke and I certainly don't want him to have to stand around for an hour waiting for me to get my picture taken. This thing has been open for two months now and the newness has definitely not worn off.

After we finally got that taken care of, we went to the food court to eat. It was a nice eatery with tons of options. They had burgers, hot dogs, fries, salads, wraps, yogurt. They had a lot of fresh fruit there as well. So there was junk food and healthier stuff. The food was expensive, naturally. We had a 20% discount because of our Annual Passes so that helped. Then we were off to view all of the exhibits. I just have to say that pushing two babies around in strollers was a really good cardio workout. There were so many different types of fish. All of the tanks were amazing and I'm impressed with how much work it must have taken to put the entire thing together. There were Beluga whales, sharks, sea lions, sea otters, penguins, and so much more. The kids were in awe. There was even a place that had tanks where you could touch the fish. The kids touched horseshoe crabs and starfish. Actually, Adrian touched the fish. Christian touched the crabs, but then he got spooked and refused to touch the starfish. He just started crying when I put him near the tank. Poor thing. Above are a few pictures of the kids in front of a giant fish tank. . . one of many. All in all, it was a good day. We had to leave at 6 because they closed. Seriously, that's early. We spent 2 hours actually looking at the exhibits and there were still a couple of exhibits that we didn't get to thoroughly enjoy. We also didn't have time to look through the two gift shops that the aquarium had. The exit was behind one of the shops, so we did get a chance to glance at stuff as we headed out. But that shop was so crowded that we were not going to stop and actually look. Our feet were killing us by the time that we left. We were so exhausted.

Yesterday, Kim and I also got to apply for a passport and mail off our Airtran coupons for the free flights. So now we just have to wait for the passport and wait for Airtran to apply the coupons to our account and we can begin to actually make reservations for our trip. I can't wait. I am beyond excited. Woo-hoo!

Stupid Fights

2006-01-20T08:14:00.000-05:00

I had a stupid fight with Kim last night. We have plans to go to the Aquarium on Saturday (if we can get reservations). She asked me if I had plans to spend the night with her that night or not and I told her I wasn't sure. She said that if I was not going to spend the night with her, then she was going to get Dave to take the kids overnight so she could go out and "find something to do." I guess I made some comment like, "Oh so you don't want to do anything with me?" I was joking and then she made the comment that we hang out together a lot. Maybe that's true, but we're pretty much with the kids 24/7. She replied that we spend time without them after they go to bed, which is kind of early. If that's enough of a break, then why is she always so adamant that Dave give her a break? She has a break when they go to bed.

I guess I just got offended because she had said she would only get Dave to take the kids if I wasn't going to be there. But if I was, then by all means, let's hang out with her kids all night long. I mean, we never go to a movie or go have a meal without them. I love them to death, don't get me wrong. I just feel like it would be nice to hang out without them some. Now I just feel like a glorified babysitter and the only reason I should come over is to watch or be with the kids. I also got annoyed because it seemed like she wouldn't go to the trouble of getting Dave to take the kids if she's just going to be with me. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being petty. She thought I got annoyed because I don't want her to have other friends. Whatever. That is so not me.

It does bother me though when she says that every single person that she works with is her "friend." She'll casually mention this "friend" that she has from work and she's supposedly had for months. But if they were such good friends, wouldn't I have heard about them before now? And she doesn't hang out with any of these people outside of the office. She has about twenty "friends" at work, but there are only about two that she hangs out with off work grounds. I just think that the word friend is used way too casually. A friend is someone who knows you and cares about you, someone who you know will be there for you, no matter what. I'm sure that if she were to get fired or quit her job tomorrow, she would never see or even speak to 95% of those people again. That's the only thing that bothers me. I don't care if she has other friends.

It's just stupid when we fight and I'm probably just going to let this one go. What's the point really?

Good times, good times

2006-01-16T12:31:00.001-05:00

As many of you know, my 26th birthday is fast approaching. Well. . . I guess I still have four months, but whatever. I am going to have a ball on my birthday. Wendy's was recently running a promotion so that for every medium or large cup you bought, you could earn credits for free miles with Airtran. If you got 128 of them (which was their maximum), they are worth 2 free round trip tickets to anywhere Airtran flies. Well, Kim and I both managed to do this. We ate a lot of Wendy's for two months straight. . . and we would buy the empty cups by themselves. Kim and I have decided to go away for my birthday. We are going to the Grand Bahamas and to San Francisco. How cool is that?

I am so excited because I have always wanted to go to both of these places. It'll be right in between school semesters too, so it works out perfectly. Kim and I are trying to busy ourselves with making plans on passports, hotels, things to do, etc. If anyone has been to either of these places and you have some tips on things to do or the best restaurants, let me know. We are not going to the San Francisco zoo because we have one in Atlanta and we are not going to their aquarium because Atlanta now has the world's largest one. That's right, I said world's largest aquarium. Eat your heart out. I have an annual pass to it and can't wait to go.

Kim and I have been so busy planning our birthday trip that we forgot about the visitors that are coming to see us in February. Hehe. Sorry, Luke. We didn't really forget, we just remembered that we still have planning to do for that trip as well. I still have to figure out what we are going to do and everything. I'm really looking forward to the coming months though. Good friends, good traveling. What more could a girl ask for?